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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think SIL and BIL have plenty of money and are cheeky fuckers

89 replies

PansyTea · 28/09/2019 10:08

Yet another begging message from SIL this morning asking "for a lend". I'm absolutely sick of it. DH gave in a few times and now it's constant.

We have recently bought a fixer upper house, our first, and now they think we're loaded. We live in a fairly cheap area and work average jobs. One child. SIL and BIL work 30-40 hours each, but less than half those hours are through the books, so they get plenty of tax credits. They have boasted of this in the past. They have two DC. They also live in a property owned by BIL's parents, however they have lied about that and fudged it in such a way that they get some housing benefit too. Both smoke heavily and BIL has an expensive hobby. Both have qualifications and are able bodied. They have no commute so no heavy car/petrol prices.

DH is soft, and feels guilty about the money, so I have sat him down with a benefits calculator to point out just how much disposable income they have, based on what they themselves have said. Smoking alone is more than DH's weekly spend on petrol.

I'm utterly sick of it. This isn't a benefits bashing thread, I've had to use them myself during a period of unemployment, but these two are cheeky fuckers of the first water and I'm sick of them. They used to try and dump their kids on us too - three weeks after my csection SIL was wailing down the phone at 7.30am, wanting DH to go round and look after her kids, seeing as he was on paternity leave and all. She wanted to go to Tesco

OP posts:
MulticolourMophead · 28/09/2019 10:10

Just tell them straight you can't lend any money.

Original poster
PansyTea · 28/09/2019 10:11

We have. They're relentless. Sil goes to PILs and cries and they give her money, so DH then feels guilty that she's scamming his parents

OP posts:
CokeAndCrispsAndDip · 28/09/2019 10:12

They are colossal CF's and you and your DH need to be a united front to combat it. Until he shuts them down it won't stop. What was his reaction to you showing him the benefits calculator results?

SaddleGoose · 28/09/2019 10:13

Just. Say. No.

The details are irrelevant. If you don't want to lend them money, just don't and put your foot down with DH. He's your issue really, not SIL.

CallmeAngelina · 28/09/2019 10:13

Not your circus, not your monkeys.
Channel your inner Zammo, and "Just Say No."
What your PIL do is up to them.

MidniteScribbler · 28/09/2019 10:14

You have a DH problem, not an in-law problem. He needs to learn to say no.

Tooner · 28/09/2019 10:14

Stand firm and tell your husband the household money belongs to both of you and you don't want to be taken for a ride ever again so will not agree to him giving them any more money. I would be so furious and frustrated with my husband if he allowed his family to take the piss like that.

Original poster
PansyTea · 28/09/2019 10:15

He was pretty gobsmacked to be honest. I think he thought they were being a bit cheeky and getting an extra £20 here and there but it's more like hundreds

OP posts:
Puzzledandpissedoff · 28/09/2019 10:15

You have a DH problem, not an in-law problem. He needs to learn to say no

This ^^

Totalwasteofpaper · 28/09/2019 10:16

You can’t control the PIL - just keep saying no

Also Flowers she sounds like a nightmare

Oysterbabe · 28/09/2019 10:18

What does cheeky fuckers of the first water mean?

Nanasueathome · 28/09/2019 10:19

Do they actually pay the money back?

Original poster
PansyTea · 28/09/2019 10:23

He is learning to say no. I just need to keep reminding him of why he's saying no, until they get the message. No they don't pay the money back.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 28/09/2019 10:27

What are they requesting the money for? Not that it matters really, but it's worse CF territory if they have history of not paying it back and using manipulation to get it.

Original poster
PansyTea · 28/09/2019 10:31

It's been everything from paying their bills to, on one memorable occasion, having us pay their share on a memorial plaque thing for DH's dead grandma. There's also been a lot of "will you get me X thing on your amazon account and I'll give you the money", the reasoning being that we have Prime and they don't. It was like a lightbulb moment when I pointed out that they too could get both an Amazon account and Prime

OP posts:
Windydaysuponus · 28/09/2019 10:33

Report them for benefit fraud. Online anonymously.

Original poster
PansyTea · 28/09/2019 10:38

Would love to, but i suspect they'd guess it was me

OP posts:
Highlandcathedral · 28/09/2019 10:38

I’d be inclined to add up all the money you have lent them, and a time scale, maybe on a spreadsheet, to point out to your husband that it isn’t coming back, and to point out to them that they already owe you lots of money that they have not returned!

They are definitely trying it on. Can your OH speak to his parents too and try to get a combined front going to make them stand up for themselves!

Snog · 28/09/2019 10:38

Ask for the money back from the previous lends, say you need it for house repairs

meccacos2 · 28/09/2019 10:40

Report them for benefit fraud.

pinkyredrose · 28/09/2019 10:42

Do they pay the money back that they borrow?

BlingADingDing · 28/09/2019 10:42

I'd say no and remind them of the money they already owe you and tell them you need it back by a certain date

doginthemanger · 28/09/2019 10:49

Every time you get a begging message send a reply requesting the money they owe you.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 28/09/2019 10:52

Report them for benefit fraud. Online anonymously.

i suspect they'd guess it was me

Let them suspect what they like. They can't prove anything - I'll bet you aren't the only people they brag to, and even if you aren't - so what?

Have you kept a record of what they have "borrowed", and are any of their requests for loans, and your lending them the money, provable (eg texts you've kept, or emails)?

If so ask them for the money and threaten them with court action. You won't win any friends - that's fine - but it'll get the buggers off your back.

Rachelover60 · 28/09/2019 10:57

Just say no. I don't know how much they want to borrow but I came up with a system, if it isn't a lot of money I was being asked for. Example, I'm not going to lend because I need my income but what I will do is give you (whatever sum, £50 for example), to get yourself straight and don't have to ask again. That does work.