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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Telling my friend no and how do i do it?

99 replies

Gojojogogogo · 28/09/2019 08:22

I have access, viamy grandad to a discount store. It is open odd hours and I can only go accompanied by him and it is around 30/40 minutes drive away.

I can get very, very cheap products there and often get my friends things if I'm going. One friend has been asking repeatedly for me to buy her some nappies. They are roughly 1/3 of the price of retail. I bought her some which came to £17.85, a massive discount.
I took them to her house for her and she gave me £17.85 to the penny.
Given that me and my grandad spent 1 1/2 hours of our evening going to the shop and I then dropped them at her door, wouldn't you have thought she'd have given me at least £20 and said don't worry about the rest? I'm not looking to profit on my friend but I spent time and petrol that I wouldn't have done otherwise

AIBU in never getting her anymore now? This could go on for the next 10 years if she has more kids. Also, what do i say when she asks for more?

OP posts:
justheretostalk · 28/09/2019 08:24

I would have given you a 20, but I don’t think it’s CF to give you how much they cost. Were you going there anyway or did you go specifically to get her nappies? Hmm

Zebraaa · 28/09/2019 08:24

YABU. I wouldn’t expect petrol from a friend if I’d done this.

Zebraaa · 28/09/2019 08:25

And yeah I’d give a £20 or £18 if I had change, (I wouldn’t have counted out the 85p) but more as it’s easier, not because I’d have thought of giving my friend a profit.

eddielizzard · 28/09/2019 08:26

Well she's clearly very skint, in which case it's more about her attitude: was she grateful or unappreciative?

ThanosSavedMe · 28/09/2019 08:26

Did you go specifically for your friend or were you going anyway?

BertrandRussell · 28/09/2019 08:26

Were you going anyway? If so, you are being unreasonable. If you made a special trip just for her then you aren’t.

Thehop · 28/09/2019 08:27

If you were going anyway I don’t see the problem.

If you went just for those then the fuel cost more than the saving which is daft.

Stevienickssleeves · 28/09/2019 08:28

You were going anyway!

Thehop · 28/09/2019 08:28

If you don’t want to get anymore just say they didn’t have any next time.

MeanMrMustardSeed · 28/09/2019 08:30

You describe her as a friend, so treat her as a friend. You are very mean.

NatashaAlianovaRomanova · 28/09/2019 08:30

I wouldn't make a special trip just to buy her nappies but I'd pick them up for her if I was going anyway in which case I'd only expect to be reimbursed for the cost of the nappies.

But yes most people I know would just give a £20 note in this instance as would I.

Clangus00 · 28/09/2019 08:30

Maybe she’s really struggling and couldn’t afford to give you anything other than the exact cost.

BertrandRussell · 28/09/2019 08:31

“If you don’t want to get anymore just say they didn’t have any next time.”
Why on earth would anyone do this?
There is often mean spiritedness on Mumsnet- but this thread is up there with the worst.

Singlebutmarried · 28/09/2019 08:31

If I was going anyway and I’d offered then no I wouldn’t expect extra.

I wouldn’t do a specific trip, taking an hour and a half minimum and disrupting another persons time for the sake of a quid (of £2.15 which would be the £20) or so anyway.

itbemay1 · 28/09/2019 08:32

If you were going anyway it wouldn't bother me, I wouldn't make a special trip for her though.

mummmy2017 · 28/09/2019 08:33

Get your friend a flyer from the shop.
They may do delivery, and since she is using lots of nappies maybe she can join.
Then just never tell her when your going.

Ellegeebee · 28/09/2019 08:35

Was she appreciative? If so then YABU, and mean. She’s probably skint.

Original poster
Gojojogogogo · 28/09/2019 08:37

I wasn't going anyway, no. The rest of the things they sell are cheap enough in b&m so although I picked up some shampoo and face cream, I saved nothing on my stuff really and wouldn't have gone just for those. I used to go when my kids were in nappies as it was worth it to me. I haven't been for years before this as there's nothing worth me going for.

OP posts:
AlwaysCheddar · 28/09/2019 08:39

You’ve learned your lesson... just go when it suits you and make her collect from you. How far is she from you?

LionelRitchieStoleMyNotebook · 28/09/2019 08:39

I've got a Costco card, whenever I'm going I pick up nappies for my neighbour, I tell her how much they were and that's what she gives me. I'm not running a cash and carry, I'm not looking for s profit margin. Before I had my own card SIL had one and she'd message me 'I'm going to Costco today anything you want?', she'd do the same for my parents, as do I now. When my friend's grandmother died she barely left enough money to cover funeral expenses and she needed to cater the wake inexpensively but didn't have much time to be making sandwiches etc, I took her over there she picked the platters, sandwiches, scones etc she wanted I ordered them on my account she paid. I picked them up the day of the funeral and set everything up for her at the wake venue while the family were at the service, I absolutely didn't charge her or expect any money. It's just what people do when they're friends/family.

Chloemol · 28/09/2019 08:40

When she’s asks again just tell her that you don’t go there anymore and leave it at that

I can’t be doing with people who won’t say no to people if they don’t want to do something,

Ash39 · 28/09/2019 08:40

I think you are being mean. She paid you. End of.
If it bothered you that much travelling/delivering it directly to her house, you could have told her just to pick it up from yours.
Friends do nice things for each other. Maybe one day she will return the favour

EmmiJay · 28/09/2019 08:41

Maybe every penny counts to her. The £2.15 might need to go on her utilities for the weekend. At least she paid you the exact amount like I'm assuming she said she would. Sounds a teeny bit petty on your part to me.

Rivkka · 28/09/2019 08:41

Only get them when you're going and if she ask say you'll get them if you can, but you don't go there much.

hotchocolateee · 28/09/2019 08:41

So your friend paid you for the stuff you got and you're annoyed. Ffs what is wrong with people. YABU

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