Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Telling my friend no and how do i do it?

99 replies

Gojojogogogo · 28/09/2019 08:22

I have access, viamy grandad to a discount store. It is open odd hours and I can only go accompanied by him and it is around 30/40 minutes drive away.

I can get very, very cheap products there and often get my friends things if I'm going. One friend has been asking repeatedly for me to buy her some nappies. They are roughly 1/3 of the price of retail. I bought her some which came to £17.85, a massive discount.
I took them to her house for her and she gave me £17.85 to the penny.
Given that me and my grandad spent 1 1/2 hours of our evening going to the shop and I then dropped them at her door, wouldn't you have thought she'd have given me at least £20 and said don't worry about the rest? I'm not looking to profit on my friend but I spent time and petrol that I wouldn't have done otherwise

AIBU in never getting her anymore now? This could go on for the next 10 years if she has more kids. Also, what do i say when she asks for more?

OP posts:

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 28/09/2019 08:42

If I was going anyway (which it sounds from your OP like you were) I wouldn't expect to be overpaid

If I was the friend I would have paid you £20 but she wasn't under any obligation to

Bluntness100 · 28/09/2019 08:47

Only go when you're going but I can't imagine falling out with a friend for two quid.

CurryGoat · 28/09/2019 08:48

Your friend needs a new friend.

MrsElizabethShelby · 28/09/2019 08:48

Why did you do it when you didn't want to? You cannot agree to go and pick up something up for a friend and then complain about being given the exact money back!

Did you ask for petrol money as you were making a special trip?

What odd behaviour.

OtraCosaMariposa · 28/09/2019 08:49

Just don't tell her when you're going.

Nicola1892 · 28/09/2019 08:49

She’s obviously asked you to get them as she is financially struggling. The £2.15 she didn’t give you will get her wipes for the week. It might not be a lot of money to you but to her it probably is. I always do my friends favours and I would expect anything in return. We recently brought our friend a cheap car so he could get to work and he paid us back £50 a month. You help friends out, that’s the whole point Of being friends

Berthatydfil · 28/09/2019 08:52

So you and your elderly gp made a special trip just for her, incurring travelling time and fuel costs.
I think YANBU.
If she asks again just say that you’ve no plans to go at the moment but you will tell her the next time you’re going to go for something you need and will pick up xyz for her.
If she persists say - it’s a 2 hour trip for me and my gp plus the cost of the fuel in the car. I have already told we have no plans to go currently as we don’t want anything from there - you can’t be serious wanting us to go just for your thing? And repeat.

And if you ever do it again I’d send a text to say we gave your things give me a text when you want to come round to collect.

BertrandRussell · 28/09/2019 08:52

“I can get very, very cheap products there and often get my friends things if I'm going.”

But you haven’t been for years. Okaaaaaay.

Berthatydfil · 28/09/2019 08:54

We have your things

EssentialHummus · 28/09/2019 08:58

If she asks again just tell her that you'll let her know next time you're going anyway. YABU I think.

Drum2018 · 28/09/2019 08:58

Jus tell tell her you won't be going again if you don't want to do her a favour. Or tell her to call to your house for her stuff. Dont think it was unreasonable to pay the amount the items cost. Given that own brand nappies are very cheap (Tesco, Lidl etc) did she really get a great bargain?

WhoKnewBeefStew · 28/09/2019 09:00

I wouldn't make a special trip for her going forward. If she asks again, tell her you'll get them next time you're going there. No more trips just for her. Seems a bit harsh to say an outright no.

If it helps I'd have given you £20 and prob a bar of chocolate or something similar.

sonjadog · 28/09/2019 09:00

So in future only go if you are going there for yourself. If she asks and you aren't planning on going there, tell her that.

NameChange84 · 28/09/2019 09:02

I have to admit I would never expect a friend to pay a penny more than what they owed for the item and if they'd given me £20 I'd have given them change. I find your attitude a bit strange.

How did the conversation go? Was it "I need nappies, will you and your grandad go and buy me some from the cheap place?". In which case you could have explained the inconvenience and refused to go.

Or was it "Next time you go to the cheap place, please could you pick up some nappies for me and I'll give you the money?" In which case, you could explain it probably won't be for a while for all the convenience reasons you mentioned.

I don't understand why you first said you pick up things for friends often but then said you hadn't been for years and went especially...please could you explain?

I agree with others that if you are already going its cheeky to expect petrol money. However, if you went especially for the friend then just stop. Its clearly causing resentment and she is most likely totally oblivious to the fact you expect financial reimbursement for your time and effort.

Illneverbepromqueen · 28/09/2019 09:03

“I can get very, very cheap products there and often get my friends things if I'm going.”

But you haven’t been for years. okaaaaaaay

Yeah can you explain this OP.

pictish · 28/09/2019 09:06

So you get things for your friend if you’re going anyway...but you haven’t been there for years.

I don’t know what you’re saying as you are contradicting yourself. In any event, I think giving you the exact money was fine - I don’t imagine your friend realised you were expecting a tip. It wouldn’t have occurred to me either.

Um...yabu. If you don’t want to do it, don’t.

Shoxfordian · 28/09/2019 09:06

She paid for what you bought her
Yabu

HennyPennyHorror · 28/09/2019 09:07

I think YOU are the cf expecting 2 quid!

StillCoughingandLaughing · 28/09/2019 09:08

I wasn't going anyway, no.

Then it’s simple - next time she asks, just say ‘I’ve got no plans to go at the moment; I’ll let you know when I have’. If she pushes, you can say it’s really not fair on your grandad to ask him to make a special trip.

I wouldn’t be expecting a £2.15 ‘reward’ for getting the nappies if I was going anyway, but neither would I make special trips to do so.

makingmammaries · 28/09/2019 09:09

Nappies are bulky and a pain to carry. I think it's really a question of whether the friend does any comparable favours for OP. The 'exact change' scenario does strike me as a bit impolite, and I don't do that if eg a friend is taking one of my DCs along on a trip - I give a bit extra and say it's a petrol contribution.

diddl · 28/09/2019 09:09

Did she know that you weren't going anyway & that the trip was just for her?

Why didn't you just tell her that you weren't headed there in the future?

Tell her that now-or that you won't be going anymore.

FreddyFazbear · 28/09/2019 09:10

In those circumstances (distance, needing cardholder along), I wouldn't have offered to make a special trip. You just end up settling yourself up for expectation of a repeat trip. Don't agree to buy your friend nappies unless you're already going and don't expect extra money 'for going'. We joke about this in our family. If I do shopping for my mum I'll ask if I can keep the change for going. Like I allowed to when I was a CHILD.

DriftingLeaves · 28/09/2019 09:11

Only get stuff for her when you are going anyway. Tell her, if she doesn't understand then she's no friend.

FreddyFazbear · 28/09/2019 09:11

*setting

itsmecathycomehome · 28/09/2019 09:11

'I'll pick you some up if I'm going anyway but I can't make a special trip, it's too far away and I have to go with my grandad.'

If she pushes : 'I don't go anymore, grandad isn't a member.'

Easy, surely? I can't understand the angst at all.

Flip

1 2 3 4