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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Telling my friend no and how do i do it?

99 replies

Gojojogogogo · 28/09/2019 08:22

I have access, viamy grandad to a discount store. It is open odd hours and I can only go accompanied by him and it is around 30/40 minutes drive away.

I can get very, very cheap products there and often get my friends things if I'm going. One friend has been asking repeatedly for me to buy her some nappies. They are roughly 1/3 of the price of retail. I bought her some which came to £17.85, a massive discount.
I took them to her house for her and she gave me £17.85 to the penny.
Given that me and my grandad spent 1 1/2 hours of our evening going to the shop and I then dropped them at her door, wouldn't you have thought she'd have given me at least £20 and said don't worry about the rest? I'm not looking to profit on my friend but I spent time and petrol that I wouldn't have done otherwise

AIBU in never getting her anymore now? This could go on for the next 10 years if she has more kids. Also, what do i say when she asks for more?

OP posts:
vdbfamily · 28/09/2019 09:15

I would tell her that you will let her know if you are planning to go so she can put her order in. She can then collect from yours and give you exact money. If she is trying to desperately save money and if she was not aware that you made the long trip just for her benefit then I think tabu too expect a tip.

lotusbell · 28/09/2019 09:16

Hang on, you say in your original.post that you often get things for friends if you are going, then later on you say you weren't going for anything other than these nappies and hadn't been for years before this as nothing worth you going for.
Did the friend know you were going just for her or did she think you were going anyway?
If she had given you a £20 note, you would've had £2.15 towards petrol money...

PumpityPumpPump · 28/09/2019 09:20

I would have given you the £17.85 and thought no more about it. 🤔

BertrandRussell · 28/09/2019 09:23

Sometimes Mumsnet is like talking to a 5 year old who’s nicked his sister’s chocolate buttons and can’t keep his story straight!

Oysterbabe · 28/09/2019 09:24

If you wanted petrol money you should have said so before. I would have assumed you were going anyway.
How many nappies for £17.85? It would need to be A LOT given you can get 45 for £3 in most supermarkets.

MrsAJ27 · 28/09/2019 09:28

You sound very petty - she paid you for what she had asked for

Wiltshirelass2019 · 28/09/2019 09:29

So you did a nice favour for your friend and now you are pissed off? Very odd. You don’t have to go to the shop again if you don’t want to. Learn to be assertive.

Nomorepies · 28/09/2019 09:30

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

pinkstar01 · 28/09/2019 09:30

You clearly don't consider her an actual friend because I can't imagine being this petty to someone if I considered them a friend. I always give rides to my friends because most of them don't drive and I do and I've never once felt the need to ask for petrol money or even expect it.

hotchocolateee · 28/09/2019 09:32

You can get things very very cheap. But actually only nappies as you can get most things the same price in b and m stores. This thread is so confusing.

Cornettoninja · 28/09/2019 09:34

I’m another who thinks you’ve got a strange attitude here. First off I think it’s weird for you and your grandfather to make a special trip apparently just for someone else’s nappies and secondly it wouldn’t even occur to me if someone gave me the exact money for something I’d bought for them - I don’t charge shoe leather tax!

You’re the one sounding tight here to me.

Samosaurus · 28/09/2019 09:37

Considering your posts are contradictory I'm going to say YABU.

EleanorReally · 28/09/2019 09:37

what is the point of giving you more money?

Yerroblemom1923 · 28/09/2019 09:40

YABU. You were going anyway, you kindly dropped them off for her and she paid you the correct amount. I'm worried now that my friends think me tight for not over-paying them!!!Blush Fortunately mine know times are hard and wouldn't expect any more, they're kind like that and know I would reciprocate if the show was on the other foot.

fedup21 · 28/09/2019 09:43

Well, do you go regularly or have you not been for years??

letsjog · 28/09/2019 09:46

If you didn't specify you wanted petrol money/extra for you're time then YABU OP.

sawyersfishbiscuits · 28/09/2019 09:47

How odd?!
You offered to get nappies.
You got nappies.
She paid you.
You're her friend.
What's the problem?

Be a friend OP. She might have been thinking 'oh no, I'm going to have to find the money before OP gets here' and rummaging around to find it before you did. I know I've been in that boat before and had to raid piggy banks for a quick loan of pennies.

Unless she's continually sponging or there is a lot more to this YABU.

BrendasUmbrella · 28/09/2019 09:48

Well just don't go anymore. Tell her what you told us, it's not worth it for you.

Breastfeedingworries · 28/09/2019 09:49

Tell her to get nappies from Aldi 🤷🏼‍♀️

WonderWomansSpin · 28/09/2019 09:54

I wouldn't expect my friend to give me petrol money in those circumstances. Or to tip me for going. I'm an adult not a child getting told to 'keep the change' from a trip to the shops.
You say you go often and get her stuff. Then you say you haven't been for years.Maybe your friend is as confused as we are.

Unknownanon · 28/09/2019 09:59

She's not a CF giving you exact money, she's obviously struggling.

You say you often get friends things yet haven't been there in ages and don't need too. Which is it? If you have told her you often get others things, why wouldn't she ask too as she's a friend?

Don't make a special trip, tell her if you plan to go and if you don't tell her too. If you say you arent going and she pesters you to go then yes she's a pest, and you need to tell her straight.

Straycatstrut · 28/09/2019 10:01

I agree with @Breastfeedingworries - Aldi! all the mamia stuff is great. My 3yo is in the pull ups (hopefully not much longer, toileting like a champ since starting preschool) my family love Aldi haha Grin

Lazypuppy · 28/09/2019 10:04

If i was your friend i wouldn't have thought you would have gone especially just for the nappies so wouldn't consider petrol.

When she text to ask how much what did you say?

BottleBrushTail · 28/09/2019 10:05

You are lucky - until recently I worked for a company which sold products which most people like. I used to get requests from lots of people for things without any offer to reimburse - they seemed to think that I could get it for free....

Puzzledandpissedoff · 28/09/2019 10:10

I haven't been for years before this as there's nothing worth me going for

In that case it's simple; just tell her you don't go any more and that your membership card - I think most of these places still have them? - has expired