To scream “because nobody is fucking interested” the next time someone asks why I’m single

[Becausemarmite]

Five years of being single. 3 of them happy. 2 quite bloody lonely. The last 6 months really lonely.

I’m so sick of people asking me why I’m still single. How do you answer “well because nobody is interested?!”

I’m not hideously ugly, I have a good job, provide for myself, confident, no weird sexual kinks . But I am a single mum with quite a few kids and that’s fine, I understand why the majority of men don’t want to get involved with that.

But you’d think OTHER people would also understand and stop asking so I have to mumble some shitty excuse about “not looking at the moment” or “oh I’m happy alone”

AIBU to literally fix them with a stare and just say “because I’m not an attractive prospect tbh”, make them feel awkward for a change

I think they totally deserve that, and if I were a bystander, I would admire your style.

I'm shocked people actually ask you that. How rude! Tell them to piss off.

Go for it.

That's a really rude thing to ask.

I agree that they deserve that

But as an alternative could you say “why do you know someone because I’d really like a partner”. It will either make them think about how hard it is to meet someone as a single mum or you never know, they might actually know someone and be willing to play matchmaker.

Single 16 yrs here and not even a date.... I get 'you'll find someone when you lose weight'.

Well fucking thanks.... and why can't someone love me when I'm fat?!!!

People are rude.

I'm at the giving rude looks and remarks back phase.... go for it!

Give them a look up and down and say "god, no thanks. Could you imagine ending up with someone like you as a partner?"

Maybe OP they think they are paying you a compliment? Are they implying that it is totally your choice that you are single and you must be batting the men away? But yes it is a totally crass thing to say.

How bothered were you when you were asked this during the 3 happy single years? Still say YANBU but you may be more sensitive to it as your perspective has changed.

People do say the most stupid things sometimes!

When I finally left my awful dh people said ‘aw, don’t worry you’re still young (48 at the time), you’ll meet someone else.’

Shocked at attitude as I was finally freeing myself from an abusive marriage, but meant a huge life change for ds - so not in the zone of thinking about a future relationship.

I’m lonely, yes. But this instance that I’m positioning myself for another relationship does not resonate at all.

I've been single for 6 years. No kids, good job, independent, my own house. I'm a bit weird looking and chubby but not hideous.

I get asked why I'm single all the time. I've started telling them that nobody wants me with a death stare look. Stopped giving a rat's arse if they feel uncomfortable. They ought to mind their own business.

Also get asked if I'm a lesbian quite often, usually by middle aged men. My answer to that is that I don't want to shag them or their wife so it's also none of their business.

Give them a look up and down and say "god, no thanks. Could you imagine ending up with someone like you as a partner?"

I love this! And I may adopt it in future with the particularly arrogant ones, instead of my usual

"Because I'm a bitch"

I'm actually quite happily single ATM, but I get how you feel because I did feel like it for a while.

I get the lesbian thing too, mainly from my mother.

"It wouldn't bother me if any of my children were gay. ANY" pointed stare at me.
I'm 40, and been single 16 years except for a disaster relationship that lasted 2 years. I'm not really bothered by the nosy ones any more, it's the married and attached ones that try their luck because 'single mum's are only good for one thing' that piss me off. They get a straight fuck off.

Would it be unreasonable to ask people why they’re in a relationship? 🤨

I get this a lot. I also get fed up of trying to think of something to say.

I've been divorced for 10 years and it's only been the last 2 years that I've felt that I would like to meet someone.

I think it must be hardwired into our brains to think that life is better when you're with someone because without fail every single person I meet if I haven't seen them for a while will ask me if I've met anyone yet. And when I say no they all say " oh never mind there's someone out there for you " or they say " have you tried online dating?" Then proceed to tell me a story about someone they know who met their partner online.

YANBU! I had this all the time before I met DP and it used to really upset me as I wanted to reply “I really don’t know and I am so upset about it!!”

Maybe go with a response like “because I’m big into a toenail fetish and can’t find anyone who shares this”...then walk off in delight at their shocked/disgusted face

In all seriousness I would say “oh, do you know someone to set me up with?” Because they just might!

Of COURSE you are an attractive proposition. Get out of the mindset that you aren't as soon as poss. Change the mindset. And no, never say that aloud to anyone! They clearly don't get why you'd be single as they think you are attractive, kind, loving, funny and generally a good prospect. Paul McKenna's hypnosis you tube stuff is awesome at helping with this. All the best

I get asked this too. My own mother actually had the gall to say it was ‘about time’ I was seeing someone.

My standard answer is to say that I would like to meet someone, so who can they introduce me to.

No one has ever been able to think of anyone they could introduce me to. The penny drops. The conversation moves on. But I’ve made my point!

Just reply that you're single because you want to keep the statistical likelihood of getting murdered as low as possible 👍🏻

Do it. I had a health problem several years ago which caused numerous people to comment on my changed appearance & ask why I didn't "just" do x, y or z. I got fed up of being polite & had a lightbulb moment when I realised that I didn't want to continue protecting other people's feelings, when they repeatedly posed the same hurtful comments & questions. People soon stopped feeling like they were entitled to judge me when I actually told them the plain truth.

Some people are just insensitive & don't appear to be able to see beyond their own circumstances. Stopping humouring them is very liberating.

YADNBU I do think some people think they are being complimentary by saying that. As in you are a good catch etc. It is however rude and unhelpful and obtrusive.

I get 'you'll find someone when you lose weight

Honestly people are vile. OP you would not be unreasonable at all to respond that way.

I hated this question when I was single. Why do you fucking think I’m single, other than because I’ve not met anyone? What other possible answer could there be, apart from something personal which I won’t want to discuss?

Ridiculous and rude question to ask anyone.

Personally I think it's harder to meet someone now than it was 20 years ago. The internet has really changed everything. I think men are less confident about whether they can approach someone or what to say, I don't think that's the case with women but I think we still are reluctant to make the first move. I've got some amazing friends in their 40s and 50s who are a real joy to know, professionals, own a home, etc., and single for 10/15 years. I'm genuinely shocked how hard it is to meet someone nice, ordinary.

If it helps.. I feel the same! I'm a single mum, got 4 kids. I constantly get from my friends "you need to get back out there" and "start dating!" So now I actually do just say, men arnt interested in me. Not even cos of my kids because strangers don't know I've got them! I just can't be attractive 🤷‍♀️.

Rude and stupid, attached is not the default. I’d try to answer that you haven’t found the right person.

Some people are so bloody rude, so feel no compunction when you match them. I have generally found flipping the script shuts vile people up-as in, "really i would rather be single then end up in your situation! You know i am just not has brave as you to drop my standards so substantially"!! My other favourite "I didn't realise my singleness was so interesting, for your concern"!
Honestly don't give these horrible people time of day!

I think it's generally meant as a compliment, as in "you're so lovely, I can't believe it".

I'd make sure this isn't the case before you wade in with some of the replies above, otherwise you might start finding yourself losing friends and being even lonlier!