To scream “because nobody is fucking interested” the next time someone asks why I’m single

[Becausemarmite]

Five years of being single. 3 of them happy. 2 quite bloody lonely. The last 6 months really lonely.

I’m so sick of people asking me why I’m still single. How do you answer “well because nobody is interested?!”

I’m not hideously ugly, I have a good job, provide for myself, confident, no weird sexual kinks . But I am a single mum with quite a few kids and that’s fine, I understand why the majority of men don’t want to get involved with that.

But you’d think OTHER people would also understand and stop asking so I have to mumble some shitty excuse about “not looking at the moment” or “oh I’m happy alone”

AIBU to literally fix them with a stare and just say “because I’m not an attractive prospect tbh”, make them feel awkward for a change

"Because I don't really know anyone who is truly happy in a relationship"

And leave it to hang there.

For me that's the truth anyway. When I ask myself if the women I know get as much out of their relationships as they give, the honest answer is no. In all but one or two cases, I imagine they would be happier out of it but seem scared to be alone or trapped by money or duty.

I don't think I know particularly unlucky people so it would seem to me that is the norm...

"I just can't keep a man, they tend to die on me" then give an odd little smile and march off.

Or say "There are plenty in my basement, thank you" followed by a sinister laugh (practice this, you want to get it right!)

Oh OP you are sooo right! I’ve often tried that tactic though and it doesn’t go down well because people take it that you have a complete lack of confidence and try to reassure you of all your wonderful qualities, sometimes following it up with advice on where you’re going wrong!

"Because I haven't met anyone that is non judgmental, non opinionated and suffering with paranoia"

Well on the plus side they are asking you so they must think you are lovely. I never get asked .

Divorced, 50, trudging to my far away and exhausting admin job every day, three teen dc whom I love but who are challenging, rinse and repeat.

Once someone got to know me they might like elements of my personality I suppose; but at 50 how do you attract anyone in the first place .

Plus my marriage and the way it ended casts an eternal shadow over me. I don’t think these things are easy to cast away (though ex managed this in about 2.2 seconds while we were still living in the same house ).

Anyway, sorry, I do think people assume being in a couple is the default to aim for, but in reality I think once burned, it would have to be someone very special to warrant giving up being single for.

It's weird to read this b/c all the single parents I personally know have lots of relationships, no trouble at all getting baby sitters or meeting people. They may not find anyone they like, but the opportunities seem to be endless. Out a lot socialising (dates & other social life). Way more than the married folk I know.

I wouldn't be insulted. I think I would reply "I'd love to have someone steady but I'm just not finding them." You never know, maybe the questioner has someone in mind for you but doesn't know if you'd be open to a blind date.

AIBU to literally fix them with a stare and just say “because I’m not an attractive prospect tbh”, make them feel awkward for a change

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻🍾🍾🍾👑

I'd just fix them with a hard stare and say nothing . They don't deserve a reply anyway

PS they are the same people who used to ask me why I was childless . Is it because you can't have any or is it be abuse you just don't want any ?

@Quaffy The other reason for some people being single is choice. Not everyone is bothered to be in a relationship.
But yes, it’s either choice or circumstance, so people don’t have much to gain by asking why others are single!

Give 'em hell, OP. It really is none of their business!

In Bridget Jones’s Diary she replies “because underneath my clothes I’m covered in scales”!

YANBU.

Slightly different as I’m single by choice but I get several verses of “never say never”, followed by a rousing chorus of “you don’t have to put on a brave face” 🙄

People are generally twats

I get this have been single for over 10 years

I get told Someone will come along - wtf I am not hanging around waiting to be picked up I do need to be in a relationship

I have had a few short flings recently and enjoyed them. I would like to have a relationship but a really good one not an ok one I would rather be single

And more often than not those that make such remarks I think I would rather be single than in your relationship but I am too nice to say that

I do not need ...

Not I do

I think some people ask why are you still single as a compliment but it gets tiring. And there is no right answer to it:

If you say you want to concentrate on your children, they tell you you need to think of yourself, children grow, etc.

But please be reassured that if you find someone, people will be picking up on everything that may be wrong with him while telling you of their single mum friend who wisely decided not to get involved with men until the last child left the nest.

Personally, the answe that I would prefer is “why are you still married?” But apparently it is rude to say that

I would take it as a compliment. 'Why are you still single' sounds to me like, how can someone as attractive as you, STILL be single😁

And I know from my male friends they are not asked this in the same patronizing way they are not told someone will come along like they are incomplete without a partner by their side

If you stop pretending you're happy being single maybe some of the people asking will introduce you to 'eligible bachelors' so win/win.
I'd be tempted to say, 'I don't know. Why do you think?' but only with certain people. If I'd ever said that to my DM or any of my sisters, they'd have happily told me why they thought I was single.

Why do you ask?

I always want to say "because I don't want to get married and have to stop having sex"
Or
A la Bridget Jones:
"Because underneath my clothes my entire body is covered in scales"

I can't believe people are so intrusive!! I mean, if it's a close friend I would assume they know about your life and situation, so by definition these must be people you aren't especially close to.

I suppose it might be the kind of thing I'd have come out with when I was a really crass, self-absorbed and self-regarding 20-year-old. In which case, a head-tilt and a 'look' would be doing them a kindness IMO (I am embarrassed when I remember what people put up with from me )

And I know from my male friends they are not asked this in the same patronizing way they are not told someone will come along like they are incomplete without a partner by their side

Absolutely, it's all 'lucky bachelor/playing the field/not putting your head in the noose/clever man' stuff vs tragic spinster weeping into her ready meal for one/mad catlady etc etc.

But I've changed my mind as to what you should say, OP. You should absolutely fix the person who asks with a steely gaze and say, completely deadpan, 'Because I have weird sexual kinks.'

Ah I posted this and then promptly fell asleep

I think they do think they are complimenting me, if I then say well I don’t know what do you think? I get the head tilts, the plenty more fish in the sea, the online dating advice or the embarrassed look away.

The ONLY person who actually gave me an honest answer to that question was a male colleague! Apparently I can be quite intimidating and I talk about my kids quite a bit so they must be a big part of life (who’d of thought it)