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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I continue working with a client I find attractive?

93 replies

dissilusionedlawyer1 · 27/09/2019 22:04

Name change for obvious reasons. And by client I mean criminal, he's just this week been sentenced to 6 years in custody.
For some background, I've worked with this client for around a year and knew from the first meeting we had that we would get on, sometimes you just click with people.
Thought he was attractive but furthermore we "clicked" and I think this makes people automatically more attractive.
Out Professional relationship, can I state, has always stayed at that, however in recent months there have been some comments I've found hard to ignore, such as;

  • Seen him in a bar one evening in our town when I was with non-work friends, I instantly left and went into another. The next day I seen him for a meeting and said, if we see each other in that context, can the least inconvenienced party just leave. His response was along the lines of "that's a shame, was looking forward to a drink with you".
Then he brought it up a week later in a similar context. Few weeks later again we're talking about a funny experience he had had at the weekend, he said "would love to take you there to show you, but that would be unprofessional wouldn't it?" I ignored his comment and continued a separate conversation. The point I'm trying to make is, that if this man wasn't attractive I would have shut him down a while ago or changed client. But seemingly we're both aware we're attracted to each other without having said a word, I'm allowing him to cross a professional boundary? In all other ways I have a excellent relationship with him and would be abit gutted if it had to end but the logic in me says, I'm being unprofessional for it to continue. AIBU to continue with him as a client?
OP posts:
Digestive28 · 27/09/2019 22:07

I think you know the answer. It needs to end and end now.

Mammylamb · 27/09/2019 22:07

I think you’re best not working with him.

Siameasy · 27/09/2019 22:09

Oh blimey this is too dodgy. If he weren’t a criminal I’d say enjoy the flirtation. It’s a shame but in time you will forget about him and be relieved.

GaudyNight · 27/09/2019 22:13

You you fancy a criminal who’s about to go down for six years? What are you planning, to hold his hand across the tables in the visitors’ room?

Really222 · 27/09/2019 22:17

Are you a lawyer?

In any case it doesn’t really matter either way if he is going to be in prison for 6 years?

Also, genuine question, what kind of crime was it because wouldn’t that influence whether or not you (as in you in general, not you in particular) found someone attractive?

dissilusionedlawyer1 · 27/09/2019 22:18

I know that's what rational thought says. But I play a large part in his eventual release and I would like to see him properly represented. Apart from the flirting side, we do bounce off each other and work together very well. That's what is making me reluctant to just cut all ties, along with the fact I would be leaving him in the shit and needing to find someone else, and after this long working together It's a shitty thing to do. Usually you would only cut ties at this point for something serious. On the other hand I don't want this "attraction" to turn to genuine feelings either

OP posts:
dissilusionedlawyer1 · 27/09/2019 22:20

Crime wise it's large scale drug trafficking. Before you all shoot me - I am not suggesting this would ever turn into any form of a relationship, I am not that blind. I'm questioning wether you can remain professional for someone you find attractive and get along well with

OP posts:
cubed123 · 27/09/2019 22:25

Blunt answer is no: you can’t be impartial when you find someone both attractive physically and on an emotional level which seems to be what you are saying as you describe getting along with them too. This will turn into feelings however resolute you think you will be.
Not even going to comment on the large scale drug trafficking! Words fail me.

RhinoskinhaveI · 27/09/2019 22:28

Be very careful he will have clocked that you are attracted to him and maybe looking to use that to his advantage

RhinoskinhaveI · 27/09/2019 22:29

Lawyer falling for a smooth talking kingpin
What could possibly go wrong....

PersonaNonGarter · 27/09/2019 22:30

Everyone reading this knows these feelings, OP. You fancy each other! It’s exotic and exciting and so chemical.

Think back to all the men you fancied before and have now forgotten about. He can be just like that. Still cute but from a distance.

Clearly, he is in custody for the next three years. You need to get a life.

RhinoskinhaveI · 27/09/2019 22:31

But we all love a bad boy don't we

dissilusionedlawyer1 · 27/09/2019 22:42

@PersonaNonGarter Both of us are married and quite happily so, I have life. Simply reflecting on today's thoughts having seen him this morning on a visit

@RhinoskinhaveI Ha! That did make me laugh.
On a serious note, humans by nature have "favourites". I've worked on cases of 18 year old boys and 80 year old men where there is zero attraction but we get along well and evidently you do work harder on those cases.
Runs back to @cubed123 of failing to be impartial in this case, which has got me thinking

OP posts:
GaudyNight · 27/09/2019 22:43

Nah, the whole drug kingpin jailbird thing doesn’t do it for me. Hmm

WhoAmIToTellYou · 27/09/2019 23:09

I think he’s used to reading people- in his ‘job’ he’s used to that every day. He might be attracted to you genuinely but for him that’s just another deal making opportunity. He reads you well and uses that, make no mistake. Silly to think otherwise.
You either have a stern talk to yourself and redraw the boundaries or pull out of this altogether. Can you talk about this to your husband- this should disperse the secret infatuation. If you can’t i’d be wondering if personal problems at home are contributing to making you susceptible and vulnerable for this criminal’s (well calculated) charms.

OneDayIWish · 27/09/2019 23:20

Your grammar and spelling are surprisingly bad for a lawyer.

HeddaGarbled · 27/09/2019 23:38

I’m questioning wether (sic) you can remain professional for someone you find attractive and get along well with

The majority of professionals can. I’m not sure about you.

Don’t “click” with clients. It’s not a force beyond your control.

dissulisonedlawyer · 27/09/2019 23:40

@WhoAmIToTellYou Yes I agree I think that's fair advice. I have spoken with my husband before, but only to joke about his comments so it maybe a good option to talk about it and if not, pull out of the whole situation.

@OneDayIWish Thank you for being so utterly rude, I'm dyslexic and use dragon dictate for my workload and reports.

I do know how to spell piss off though

GaudyNight · 27/09/2019 23:43

The way you keep going on about ‘working together well’ makes it sound as if this is a jolly office romance, rather than an incarcerated drug pusher flirting with a married woman who has some association with his legal representation in order to get better treatment. Classy.

Elieza · 27/09/2019 23:58

This is not a good scene OP. It’s one thing representing someone you fancy and staying within boundaries, doing anything further is quite another thing, especially when spouses are involved. If you can’t represent him without keeping professional then you can’t represent him at all and you should pass his case to a colleague you know will do a good job and get a takeaway to take home for you and your husband and have a good look at him across the table and decide whether you want to still be with him. NOT with a view to dating your client though. Keep the hell away from him if you can’t be professional.

CSIblonde · 28/09/2019 00:17

You need to stop contact. I was once very attracted to someone very suave but very dodgy (illegal car imports, drug dealing etc) & I'm the most law abiding person you can imagine. A month in & I started finding it all way too sleazy & when he rang to say he'd been arrested for being drunk & shooting a rifle over people heads on the river 'for fun' my attraction just fizzled out overnight. He was a (charming) sad, lazy thrill junkie who'll never grow up.

Caucho · 28/09/2019 00:49

Not necessarily a lawyer. My mother when working for the probation service said they had to be referred as ‘clients’ which I always found a bit off.

Anyway the bad boys thing is not new and yet doesn’t fail to be a bit pathetic. This particular bloke could be a good person of course but I’m generalising now about the cliche

RubbingHimSourly · 28/09/2019 00:58

Drugs.

Men like him groom people, they're charming. They lure people into doing what they want and they get them hooked on drugs / money / charm

He's grooming you and you're falling for it.

TottieandMarchpane · 28/09/2019 01:05

Out Professional relationship, can I state, has always stayed at that, however in recent months there have been some comments I've found hard to ignore, such as;
- Seen him in a bar one evening in our town when I was with non-work friends, I instantly left and went into another. The next day I seen him for a meeting

I don’t think your written English is that of a lawyer, TBH.

Reverse? Or you’re a concerned third party?

TottieandMarchpane · 28/09/2019 01:06

Not necessarily a lawyer. My mother when working for the probation service said they had to be referred as ‘clients’ which I always found a bit off.

Look at OP’s user name @Caucho

She’s certainly claiming to be a lawyer.

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