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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I continue working with a client I find attractive?

93 replies

dissilusionedlawyer1 · 27/09/2019 22:04

Name change for obvious reasons. And by client I mean criminal, he's just this week been sentenced to 6 years in custody.
For some background, I've worked with this client for around a year and knew from the first meeting we had that we would get on, sometimes you just click with people.
Thought he was attractive but furthermore we "clicked" and I think this makes people automatically more attractive.
Out Professional relationship, can I state, has always stayed at that, however in recent months there have been some comments I've found hard to ignore, such as;

  • Seen him in a bar one evening in our town when I was with non-work friends, I instantly left and went into another. The next day I seen him for a meeting and said, if we see each other in that context, can the least inconvenienced party just leave. His response was along the lines of "that's a shame, was looking forward to a drink with you".
Then he brought it up a week later in a similar context. Few weeks later again we're talking about a funny experience he had had at the weekend, he said "would love to take you there to show you, but that would be unprofessional wouldn't it?" I ignored his comment and continued a separate conversation. The point I'm trying to make is, that if this man wasn't attractive I would have shut him down a while ago or changed client. But seemingly we're both aware we're attracted to each other without having said a word, I'm allowing him to cross a professional boundary? In all other ways I have a excellent relationship with him and would be abit gutted if it had to end but the logic in me says, I'm being unprofessional for it to continue. AIBU to continue with him as a client?
OP posts:
PhilCornwall1 · 28/09/2019 05:51

@dissilusionedlawyer1 I'm sorry to say that you sound totally unprofessional.

reasonablesettlement · 28/09/2019 11:30

The nice thing about this place is that people do reply earnestly with well intentioned advice. This OP does not deserve that.

Funghi · 28/09/2019 11:37

Are you a barrister or solicitor?

If he’s just been sentenced, in what way are you still working for him?

Racmactac · 28/09/2019 11:39

No. Remember how long it took to get where you are. Remember your promise to act with integrity.
Hand him over to someone else

Joans3rddaughter · 28/09/2019 11:41

Your behaviour is unprofessional but you know that and you are enjoying how it makes you feel. He is probably grooming you.

SimonJT · 28/09/2019 11:48

You can remain professional, but only if you want to.

My boyfriend works in the same industry as me, I sometimes buy in his services (that makes him sound like a rent boy!), but only when what he is offering suits the company I work for, I sometimes book other people if what they are offering appears better.

Thinking of how many times I have paid for external workers in the last few months, I have hired him twice and other people about 10-12 times.

However in the situation the OP is describing, it would be extremely difficult to prove fairness and I would be concerned about perverting the course of justice.

DareDevil223 · 28/09/2019 11:48

I'm not sure Martina Cole has anything to be worried about....

Ponoka7 · 28/09/2019 11:51

You're a clichéd porn fantasy and will lose your credibility over this man, if not your job.

Just like other people have, probation, prison, police officers, have.

Wake up.

Loveyou3000 · 28/09/2019 11:52

There's no guarantee that you'd have anything to do with his release further down the line? What's with the random name change to a slightly different spelling of your original name a few comments in?

Not sure what the point of this is. He's been sentenced, you're both married, end of?

LuckyLou7 · 28/09/2019 12:20

Why are you still working with this man if he's been sentenced? Tell him to fuck off the next time he makes a flirty comment and make it absolutely clear you are not a woman who can be manipulated. If you can't stop yourself being attracted to him, hand his case over to a colleague. If you are genuinely a lawyer then you stand to lose your career over this. And FFS you are MARRIED.

RhinoskinhaveI · 28/09/2019 13:05

I think you have an idea for a plot for an erotic novel and you're trying to get some material out of us?

Hereistay · 28/09/2019 15:15

I think you should go for it. Eventually the prosecution will find out, you'll lose your licence and your marriage will break down but then once the King pin is released from the jail you can live happily ever after.

Makes for a far more interesting story anyhow

Mummybares · 28/09/2019 15:27

No chance she's a lawyer, maybe probation, prison.. any other role.
I think you're nuts op and he's grooming you. You've so so much to lose. Texting clients is not on.
Get a rabbit or something woman! Have you not seen orange is the new black?!

Funghi · 28/09/2019 15:28

No, don’t bring an innocent rabbit into this.

Hereistay · 28/09/2019 15:30

Funghi 😂

I suspect this is as real as the Easter Bunny @Mummybares

Mummybares · 28/09/2019 15:31

Funghi Grin

PegasusReturns · 28/09/2019 15:33

There is no way you are a lawyer OP

Spookydot · 28/09/2019 15:38

So far you sound as if you’ve been professional. You’ve left when you’ve seen him out and told him that is what will need to happen.
The great thing about being a grown up human is accepting that you are attracted to someone and enjoy being around them without acting upon it. Especially when the stakes are so high.
However if you are having doubts about your ability to keep your professional integrity intact, then you know what you need to do! Regardless of whether that leaves him in the lurch. I’m assuming you’ve worked incredibly hard to be in the line of work you are in. Don’t let a serious criminal fuck that up for you!!

TheMustressMhor · 28/09/2019 15:38

Has the OP actually said she's a lawyer anywhere in this thread?

I think she's a Probation Officer. Or maybe an Appropriate Adult.

Fred West's Appropriate Adult fell for him. God knows why.

kateandme · 28/09/2019 15:40

i do wonder what the heel is wrong with people sometimes.
it would have been bad enough if this post was about working with someone you are flirting and "fancying" whilt married.but you seem to need or be taking it one step further on every level you can.

Cheeserton · 28/09/2019 15:40

'Clicking' means you think that makes someone more attractive...

Where did you get this remarkable insight? Please tell us.

Anyway, yes you know it's completely inappropriate. Why even ask? Stop it.

Angelf1sh · 28/09/2019 15:42

If you continue in this way he’ll end up trying to get you to smuggle things into prison for him, either willingly or through threats to reveal whatever unprofessional stuff you end up saying to him. Pass him onto a colleague and you’ll have moved on by the time he’s released.

Mummybares · 28/09/2019 15:48

Angel yeah that happened in Netflix's orange is the new black 😂

DaisyDreaming · 28/09/2019 15:56

I think someone knocked the nail on the head with their comment about its his job to reason people well and play off that. It feels amazing when you meet someone who reads people extremely well and manipulates people into thinking or feeling certain ways. Please be careful and remember it was key to their success

Angelf1sh · 28/09/2019 16:35

Ah well @mummybares, they do say there are no new plots anymore 😂😂

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