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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I continue working with a client I find attractive?

93 replies

dissilusionedlawyer1 · 27/09/2019 22:04

Name change for obvious reasons. And by client I mean criminal, he's just this week been sentenced to 6 years in custody.
For some background, I've worked with this client for around a year and knew from the first meeting we had that we would get on, sometimes you just click with people.
Thought he was attractive but furthermore we "clicked" and I think this makes people automatically more attractive.
Out Professional relationship, can I state, has always stayed at that, however in recent months there have been some comments I've found hard to ignore, such as;

  • Seen him in a bar one evening in our town when I was with non-work friends, I instantly left and went into another. The next day I seen him for a meeting and said, if we see each other in that context, can the least inconvenienced party just leave. His response was along the lines of "that's a shame, was looking forward to a drink with you".
Then he brought it up a week later in a similar context. Few weeks later again we're talking about a funny experience he had had at the weekend, he said "would love to take you there to show you, but that would be unprofessional wouldn't it?" I ignored his comment and continued a separate conversation. The point I'm trying to make is, that if this man wasn't attractive I would have shut him down a while ago or changed client. But seemingly we're both aware we're attracted to each other without having said a word, I'm allowing him to cross a professional boundary? In all other ways I have a excellent relationship with him and would be abit gutted if it had to end but the logic in me says, I'm being unprofessional for it to continue. AIBU to continue with him as a client?
OP posts:
minesagin37 · 28/09/2019 01:10

@TottieandMarchpane she's already said she is dyslexic and uses software at work! Read ffs!

Avoid him it's unprofessional

TottieandMarchpane · 28/09/2019 01:19

she's already said she is dyslexic and uses software at work! Read ffs!

No, that was someone with a similar, but not identical username (Pay attention “FFS”), which raises its own questions about NCs.

But “can I state?” and “I seen him for a meeting” and so on, aren’t dyslexia- type errors. They’re stylistic or grammatical.

Caucho · 28/09/2019 01:25

Good point Tottie. Just read the post and commented. Didn’t register the username

TottieandMarchpane · 28/09/2019 01:27

I wonder why she NCed from “dissilusionedlawyer1” (sic) to “dissilusionedlawyer“ (sic)?

Caucho · 28/09/2019 01:44

If they’re a lawyer it kinds of makes it worse for me but feel uncomfortable in trying to describe why. The basic reason is well if you’re a qualified lawyer you’re supposed to be intelligent. But then what does that mean in reality? We’re all human and don’t want to insulate the opposite which would be well they’re just thick...in order not to be snobbish I’d like to try to distinguish thick and not thick and being stupid and not stupid from academic qualifications or ability

cakeandchampagne · 28/09/2019 01:53

Any kind of personal relationship with him wouldn’t be ethical or professional.

Tilltheendoftheline · 28/09/2019 02:00

You havent been working with him for a year. You have been representing a drug trafficker.

And if this goes any further, can you imagine what you would lose?

What the actual fuxk is wrong with you? Do you know how many peoples lives he has destroyed?

Tilltheendoftheline · 28/09/2019 02:04

Oh and you do realise he will be bragging to albus drug dealer friends about how he has his lawyer eating out of his hand?

ilovesooty · 28/09/2019 02:05

I think you should have transferred his case elsewhere long before now.

DramaAlpaca · 28/09/2019 02:06

How thoroughly unprofessional.

reasonablesettlement · 28/09/2019 02:07

Oh it'll probably be great.

You will almost inevitably discover some clever legal loophole or some amazing bit of forensic evidence and he will get out! You can then go and meet him at the jail....

You will be leaning on the bonnet of your sexy sports car as he home out, you will both remove your sunglasses and will stare, the passion smoldering between you.....

Winterlife · 28/09/2019 02:20

As long as you can provide him with quality representation in his best interests, I see no issue.

Solitarycaddis · 28/09/2019 02:23

Op I would ask MNTowers to get this thread deleted. A lawyer would/should not post this much detail on line about a client , the nature of his crime and the timing of his sentencing. And a probation officer would be contravening professional standards too.

SpinneyHill · 28/09/2019 02:39

But seemingly we're both aware we're attracted to each other without having said a word, I'm allowing him to cross a professional boundary?

So is it him reciprocating that crosses the boundary? If he hadn't acknowledged any attraction but you still fancied him would it be ok?

Rachelover60 · 28/09/2019 02:40

OneDayIWish
Your grammar and spelling are surprisingly bad for a lawyer.
.......
I thought that too, "I seen.." instead of, "I saw". Well we don't know what the op actually does for a living.

Nothing will come of this, op, I think you know that deep down. We often find people attractive, that's life. It adds a bit of excitement but it's not real.

As long as you do your job professionally and don't get sucked in, all will be well in the end.

Rachelover60 · 28/09/2019 02:44

I want to add that, when I was young, I had a brief but quite disastrous relationship with a chap convicted of armed robbery. I really was manipulated; he was charming and touched my heart but was eventually quite ruthless and evil. It was a big mistake. So I know what I'm talking about. I doubt you are as daft as I was then!.

mathanxiety · 28/09/2019 03:09

Based on your user name I assume you are a lawyer.

You need to do a little reading on highly manipulative users and how they are over represented in the prison population.

Then you need to slap yourself really, really hard in the face and do whatever it takes to not make a fool of yourself over this criminal.

You absolutely must recuse yourself from this case.

littleorangecat22 · 28/09/2019 04:00

Get out.

He may know you are attracted to him and may be using this to try to get closer to you. The attraction may not be mutual, but a manipulation attempt on his end. Time to run faaarrrr away from this case and never look back.

Canyousewcushions · 28/09/2019 04:48

There's a difference between finding him attractive and having a crush.

If it's the former, you are confident that you can compartmentalize, stay truly professional and not get anyone hurt then no problem. But you do need to ensure chat never head into inappropriate or flirty territory.

If it's more like a crush then I wouldn't keep going- maybe get to the next milestone time and then pass him on to a colleague.

IdblowJonSnow · 28/09/2019 04:55

Sounds like he's grooming you. He will know people who are dangerous. I'd extricate yourself and find someone else to flirt with!

Aoibhneas · 28/09/2019 05:14

Lawyer falling for a smooth talking kingpin
What could possibly go wrong...
Haha love that comment

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 28/09/2019 05:26

It sounds to me like you're able to keep it professional do carry on. No harm done.

Butchyrestingface · 28/09/2019 05:27

Lawyer falling for a smooth talking kingpin

This didn’t happen to me too.

However, I know of someone (quick Google will help with that) who went to jail for getting a bit too friendly with her clients and started doing ‘favours’ for them during their incarnation. I knew her years before her downfall but still something of a surprise to see her face all over the papers...

DeeCeeCherry · 28/09/2019 05:28

You know the answer already. & you're being unprofessional. It happens, I guess. But mooning over a drug dealer who's going down for 6 years..? It's a shame you don't want more for yourself. We don't have to have anyone & anything we want in this life when we know it's not a good prospect. I doubt he's looking at you as life-partner material, you're a woman he knows fancies him and he'll use that for gain or kicks. He won't be the 1st or last to try that game on a woman.

donquixotedelamancha · 28/09/2019 05:38

I'm questioning wether you can remain professional for someone you find attractive and get along well with

You can, but you aren't.

The next time he makes a flirty comment explain that if he does so again he will need to find a new lawyer. When he ignores you, do it; at least you will have given clear warning.

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