AIBU to spend my secret savings on myself?

[judithandholofernes]

I really want weight loss surgery after piling on weight over the last 5 years. I have just enough cash in a savings account to cover the cost.
I have been slowly saving in this account for a ‘rainy day’

The only reason I haven’t told DH about the money is because he’s a big splurger. We live a nice life and he hasn’t noticed the few quid being put away each month.

Now I’ve finally got the time for the surgery and want to book. BUT DH could really do with a new work car. We could get a loan or save for this too.

AIBU to say nothing about my savings and spend it on what I want?

How would you sneak that one past him? He’s going to notice if you have surgery!

Hmm you can tell it's Friday night

@Mumoftwoyoungkids I was going to tell him about the surgery just not about the savings.
If the car issue hadn’t of come up this week I wouldn’t be having doubts about spending the savings on myself.

Spend it on you! You’re a wonderful person thinking of his needs but think long term. I bet you saved every penny with that goal in mind. You deserve to spend the money how you wish

Spend it on yourself, you will feel better with more confidence.

Whatever you do don't have a gastric band!!!!

Go for the surgery though - gastric sleeve is good.

Is it your money or joint money? I think that makes a difference. Tbh I've never hidden anything from my DH and I think hiding savings from each other is very wrong.

I think it depends on where it came from in the first place.

I wouldn’t have the surgery unless I was 100% sure I could keep the weight off.

Go for it. You absolutely deserve to spend money on yourself. In your shoes I wouldn't think twice.

Don't have the surgery or spend it on a car. Save it for a rainy day!

You’ve saved that yourself, spend it on yourself!

Your DH can get himself a new car, sometimes you need to be selfish and put yourself first.

If your worried if he’s going to question where the money came from, do you have your parents around? You could say that they have offered to pay. But obviously discuss it with your parents first!

Good luck! 😊

Keep saving, until you are ready. Then do what you want to do.

I do not see your DH here saying he needs a new work car. Only you saying that.

Think about that.

@JennyBlueWren What constitutes a rainy day? I’m genuinely interested

Where does the money come from?

@Gigildid
Not optional surgery or "could really do with" a new car.

I am happy that we are using some savings to pay for a new boiler as ours keeps breaking. Would say the same about a car -use savings to replace if you had to replace but only if a need rather than a want. (I don't have a car so maybe I dont understand).

Rainy day = when income stops (or declines) or something unexpected happens (so couldn't be planned for). I wouldn't use rainy day savings for holiday travel but would if I had to travel down to visit my mum if she was hurt/ill/dying/dead.

But then I really don't like to touch savings and used to tuck a 5000 note under the board in Monopoly "just in case" (and would lose it to my brother's hotels!)

Have your Surgery it will change your life and improve your health OP. Please.. have the Surgery

How would you feel if your DH had secretly saved money in the same way and wanted to spend it on something for himself? Or will he be happy with spending joint savings on your surgery?

You say "he hasn’t noticed the few quid being put away each month".

So does that mean it's his money too?

How did you actually save the money? Is it money you have warby yourself or creamed off from the houshold funds?
That makes a big difference to the aibu

I'm not a fan of surgery but if you've saved this money by giving up other things so you could build up the cash, then you spend that cash exactly as you want to.

What ButteryMuffin said. I’m engaged in a project with a medium term achievable and highly desirable prize at the end.

As a result, my lifestyle has changed for the better, incrementally.

Building new habits. Feeling better every day.
I say go for it OP with bells on, but consider putting in place an appropriate exco programme to give yourself a kick-start which will give you confidence in yourself, and possibly help to fast-track your recovery.

i think it depends.was it your money you hid away.was this meant to go to joint pot.
deff no if your squirreling his earnings.
and allthough i cant expalin why.i dont like it.i would be really upset if other half did this on me.again i cant explain why it just feel uneasy in me.

@JennyBlueWren I wish I had your mindset. It must be reassuring to have a buffer if needed. I could do with that peace of mind! I appreciate you taking the time to explain x

Don't have the surgery and lose weight in a different way. Could even use the money for a nutritionist and personal trainer if you so desire. Use the money for something else..