Normal staffroom comment or out of order?

[PrincessHoneysuckle]

I work in a school and one of the t.a made a comment today which I thought was nasty and unnecessary tbh.She called a 10 year old girl ugly,we had been discussing the girl as she has had problems lately and she came out with that gem.Aibu to think this is not something an adult should be saying about anyone never mind a child.Am I pearl clutching or do you agree?

LolaSmiles

Fair enough, appreciate your point of view. I do get the importance of venting. My job is very stressful too and I need to off load. Perhaps it’s a different environment in a staff room vs an office where it’s open plan and a variety of activities go on.

One thing I will say, is that I feel differently about a one-off explosion vs. someone who seems to regularly make personal comments. We are all only human, I don’t think I’d pass judgment on colleague A in your scenario at all. Also, I do think it’s the way you say thinks “they acted like entitled little shits” doesn’t seem as bad as “isn’t Jessica an entitled little shit”. I have a teenager who sometimes acts like an entitled little shit so believe me, I am not naive to the behaviour of some teens, although mine seems to save it all for home.

That’s unnecessary and unkind. I’m a TA and we do let of steam in the staff room , it’s very necessary but haven’t heard anyone be rude about a child’s looks or be racist.

Off

There's a difference between venting about a child's bad behaviour and calling them ugly though. One thing the child is making choices over and it's something the staff can help them change, the other is a negative subjective opinion about a child's physical appearance that is something that can't be changed ( and certainly shouldn't be just because someone else is viewing them in a negative way). Given the low self-esteem of many children and in fact adults this teaching assistant should be told straight up that this isn't acceptable to say about someone you are working with, aprticularly a child who needs their help.

I worked in a primary school many years ago
One teacher was a sour bitch
She came into the staff room ranting about one girl-how she was thick/ugly/nasty etc
I let her rant away for about 5 mins about how she hated her and her ‘thick as pigshit girl,mother and brother’ (this was really bad shit she was ranting about)
Then I told her that the girl in question was my cousin (which she was) and if she carried on I’d report her
This woman went white and my cousin never had a problem with her again

katex your comment is quite offensive also.

Schuyler
I think you're right in there's a big difference between frontline services with staffrooms and office jobs.

I don't even think it has to be regular personal comments to be honest. I have a much bigger issue with people who are a drain on all the light and happiness in a room, who show their lack of compassion and disinterest without having to say anything that bad, than I do someone who might come in and make a quick comment.

I think one element of teaching (and other frontline type services will be similar) is there's an element of performance involved. Whatever has happened in lesson 1 can't be dragged to lesson 2 because hat will make lesson 2 worse (part of the reason colleague B is a whining git is because they take negativity from lesson to lesson).

In our staff room it’s parents that are the main source of entertainment!

My DN works as a teacher in a comprehensive in a large city. I think people are being very naive if they think teaching staff only ever refer to their pupils in anything other than glowing terms😀

ExecutiveFiat
I agree, but I think even within schools there's a line of what's ok and what isn't.

If someone's been rude or disruptive or a PITA or you've found them to be appallingly nasty and bullying then commenting on that is very, very different from commenting on how pretty/ugly you think a child is. The former is understandable, the latter is the marker of an unpleasant person.

Truth is none of us know what professional people say about us outside the environment they deal with us . I don't think anyone thinks calling anyone 'ugly' is acceptable but unless it effects the person's work with the clients/ students etc does it matter?
Do I care if a doctor nurse teacher etc calls me or my family names in the privacy of a staffroom . No not if I am receiving a good service. I think people would be completely and utterly shocked if they heard the things I have from teachers in staff rooms over the years . From excellent staff too. The point it it didn't effect anyone. There seems to be two issue here, calling a child ugly ( horrible behaviour) and saying it in a staffroom, which is in the intense environment of a school is often a safe venting space for all staff.

@PlasticPatty - no I think she is just a cunt
Whereas you are all sweetness and light, a perfect example of what a colleague should be.

I have never heard anything like that - commenting on a child's physical appearance is quite odd.

I have heard staff saying "She's a manipulative little bitch" about a child, that kind of thing........