Normal staffroom comment or out of order?

[PrincessHoneysuckle]

I work in a school and one of the t.a made a comment today which I thought was nasty and unnecessary tbh.She called a 10 year old girl ugly,we had been discussing the girl as she has had problems lately and she came out with that gem.Aibu to think this is not something an adult should be saying about anyone never mind a child.Am I pearl clutching or do you agree?

What do you mean ‘the Culture of the school’?

That says a lot about her.

I wonder why the OP didn’t chalk it if she felt it was so awful.

Why is it ok to call a child a giant pile of shit but not ugly?
I take it you've chosen to ignore the part where the child's PARENT was joking about how much of a shit he was being (he was!) And so I confirmed he's being a pile of shit but would grow out of it.

Heaven forbid two colleagues who are friends joked about one of THEIR children

Challenge it!

I haven’t ignored anything Lola
I’m genuinely asking what the difference is.

It's nasty and unnecessary. Especially to such a young child.

I’m not criticising you Lola (I call my dc and my students shits all the time)

*not to their faces

Why is it ok to call a child a giant pile of shit but not ugly?

One is about their behaviour (which a child can improve/grow out of) and the other is about their physical appearance

I’ve worked in a lot of different schools in different cities over the years, and this wouldn’t have been at all normal at any of them.

For me it's about the culture of the school and the broader, longer term effect, rather than the immediate impact on that child on that day.

If comments like that go unchallenged, they are seen as being acceptable. It sows the seeds in people's minds that it's ok to voice those sort of thoughts. And it has the potential to escalate.

I work in a school and my Team (Safeguarding) is particularly 'sweary' and non-pc behind closed doors because when you're dealing with potentially traumatic, emotionally draining stuff day in day out you tend to develop a bit of a dark sense of humour. It's a coping mechanism I suppose. So I completely get everything previous posters have said about needing a space to vent your frustrations about challenging students/parents and a fair bit of that goes on in my office, that's for sure. But I have never heard a colleague insult or make fun of a child's physical appearance. There is simply no need for it, because it was not venting, it was not done out of frustration, the child's unattractiveness can't actually be impacting on her the way their behaviour or attitude would. She was just being deliberately unkind.

If I heard a member of staff say this I would challenge them about it and depending on their response, I might have a quiet word with their Line Manager.

What if she is a brilliant TA ? What if the children Love her and thrive under her? We simply can't censor what's said in staffrooms of any professional setting. But we can judge people on their role in that job.

can’t believe some people think this is okay

I would never make a derogatory comment about a child's personal appearance. But I do sometimes make comments about their behaviour, even massively out of order comments about their behaviour tbh, as I'm venting about a bad lesson, or a teen-ager who has just destroyed my carefully planned lesson with a series of misdemeanours.

Comments about appearance aren't great. But unless someone tells the child they aren't going to actually damage anything or harm anyone. And there are some unfortunate looking children around, however impolite it is to point that out.

CuckooCuckooClock
Sorry it sounded like you were suggesting that my colleague and I were wrong to joke about her child, given that was the example you chose.

Agree with you 100% Shalom. I wonder if the OP doesn’t like the TA and this is a way of getting at her.

Anyone who makes horrible comments about somebody's personal appearance is a deeply unpleasant person.

We all get stressed out, I rant and swear occasionally at work but I would never make personal comments like that. There's a line you shouldn't cross.

It's really not nice at all. However, the girl didn't hear it so no harm done. The TA obviously has misread you (in terms of values and personality) to think you wouldn't find inappropriate. People are different. I have different values to a lot of my colleagues which is simply down to my life experiences which includes things they could never imagine. That means I have to be very careful what I say and it's a struggle to draw lines. Do you think this girl is ugly? Is she ugly? If she is then it's simply a case that this TA struggles with understand who to say what to. You might say something to a friend that you wouldn't to a colleague. It's learning those lines. Maybe she's grown to see you as a friend and has turned her filter off? Maybe she's informal with everyone? I struggled to understand not everyone was like me when I first started working. I'd ignore it. If anything similar happens again then mention it to her in a sensitive way.

That's horrible and not ok. What exactly did she say? I work with lots of school staff and never heard anyone commenting on a child's appearance- thankfully!

I let rip this morning in our staffroom because my newly issued laptop threw yet another hissy fit. I couldn't print anything from it. Lots of colleagues did not read notices in their registers (the only way we are meant to pass on messages). I think the odd expletive in an adults-only zone is a non-issue.

Yes, because swearing at a laptop is analogous to calling a child ugly It was nasty, OP and I wouldn't like it. It's not about whether or not the child heard it. Coolly passing comment on a child's appearance, especially in a negative manner, indicates that someone has a very nasty and dismissive attitude to those children. It contributes to a culture in which disrespect is seen as OK. it's one thing to let off steam about a child's behaviour being shitty, when they've spent all morning pushing your buttons. It's another to make a personal condemnation of their appearance.

She's in the wrong profession.
I don't think there's ever an excuse to be so nasty about anyone let alone a 10 year old.
This also applies to comments that are made about children that lack ability etc (Poor teachers/TA's really have to work and do what they are paid for in these circumstances).
I work in the NHS in an extremely pressurized environment working long hours etc., and nobody ever resorts to this sort of behaviour.
So nobody come up with any poor excuses that this acceptable or understandable.

I say all sort of expletive shite out of earshot of kids. But I'd judge the hell out of that. Yuck

I've worked in 5 schools; staff rooms are absolutely vile places. I've honestly never been in a nice one. Yes there are some nice people, but as a collective, teachers are hierarchical, to the point of 'my degree is better than your degree' or ' my university was Russell yours was red brick' and so forth. It is worse than the play ground.

I've been teaching for over 30 years now, and I've worked in many, many different schools with very different cultures. I've never ever come across a staffroom like this. I've been in my current school for over 7 years and I've never heard anyone mention their degree or university. Fuck knows where you've worked. I couldn't tell you any university any of my colleagues went to - not even those in my dept, and actually I appointed 2 of them, but can't remember which Uni they attended. I daresay I looked at their CV before I interviewed, but that's not anywhere on my 'wish list' of what I'm appointing on.