Normal staffroom comment or out of order?

[PrincessHoneysuckle]

I work in a school and one of the t.a made a comment today which I thought was nasty and unnecessary tbh.She called a 10 year old girl ugly,we had been discussing the girl as she has had problems lately and she came out with that gem.Aibu to think this is not something an adult should be saying about anyone never mind a child.Am I pearl clutching or do you agree?

It’s a really unpleasant thing to say. Having said that, in a private conversation with another adult, it’s not actually affecting the child. Mean, though.

Would it be ok if your doctor had a gossip with colleagues about how ugly you are?

Haven't there been instances of police officers having misconduct findings made against them for having conversations like this about victims of crime?

It's abhorrent.

I've worked in 5 schools; staff rooms are absolutely vile places. I've honestly never been in a nice one. Yes there are some nice people, but as a collective, teachers are hierarchical, to the point of 'my degree is better than your degree' or ' my university was Russell yours was red brick' and so forth. It is worse than the play ground.

Weird. I've had permanent jobs in 4 schools, and (then add in 3 teaching practices and all the staffrooms I've been in over a 3 yr period when I was doing a job in different schools) and I've never come across a staffroom like that. Nor have I ever heard of a staffroom like that from any of my teaching friends. You must have been very unlucky in your schools.

Teachers can vent all they want in the staff room but shouldn't make nasty comments about other people's kids! They send them to school and trust that they're in a safe place. I wouldn't want my kid around that ta. What a bitch.

This is so saddening and shocking. I don’t for one second understand why an adult would call a child ugly but a TA? Awful behaviour and I would report it.

I think it was really nasty and it would change my view of the colleague.

At secondary our staffroom a can be fairly liberal with use of swearing and venting and I'd chalk some exasperated comments or more colourful descriptions of behaviour up to life.

But making personal comments about the appearance of a child is awful. I wouldn't report it because no harm has been done and unless there's good reason what's said behind closed doors stays there.

Personal appearance is not something I would want to hear about. Poor behaviour, yes, but not what the child looks like. That’s shit.

Swearing has been common in most staff rooms, as has rants about a child's behaviour and manner. I've heard children called obnoxious or spoilt brats or horribly mannered, but never heard anyone be cruel about a child's looks. Personal comments like that are a step too far imo, and it would change my opinion of the person who made it.

Try not to get too upset. It’s not nice but the child concerned will not suffer as a result of the comment.
As for pp mentioning if it would be ok for a doctor to comment about patients - I am sure they do all the time.

That's awful behaviour. No one should be calling anyone ugly. Imagine if healthcare staff where like this, she needs pulling up on it.

That doesn’t reflect well on teachers Keirenotknightly. I get that teachers are allowed to vent and be human. But cruel? I’m a former nurse and sure we used to moan in the staff room but not make nasty comments about patients. Even if a job is tough it doesn’t give you free reign to be vile, even in private. It has the tone of ‘what goes on tour stays on tour’. Not nice.

I volunteer in a school now and there is a genuine affection for the kids. It’s a poorly regarded school in a deprived area but the good attitude towards the children shines out.

Crossed posts with you fluffy. Couldn’t agree more.

That's awful behaviour. No one should be calling anyone ugly. Imagine if healthcare staff where like this, she needs pulling up on it.

You'd be surprised what's discussed in a hospital staff room.

YANBU. Horrible, quite upsetting, unkind and unprofessional.
Yes, staff rooms are “safe spaces” and people are allowed to vent and swear, but calling a child ugly is not ok. I would actually have a word with the TAs line manager.

This makes me sad :( while I get the staff room is private and the teachers, assistants etc are people and need to vent, which I do totally understand, but a comment like that is horrid. I've have told her, her comment was ugly ! I've a dd that goes to a SN school for the severely disabled and I'd be so hurt if someone spoke about her like this.

I was called ugly to my face by various TAs and children alike - it’s awful and doesn’t help anyone. TA was out if order. I would report if I was you - mainly because if a child heard that - damage is long lasting

A teacher came into the staff room ranting about her fucking shitty class and telling us all how much she hated them, the name calling became vile and escalated to naming individuals, until mid rant I reminded her my child was in her class!

Should add, needless to say neither of us are there anymore!!

Raaaaaah
There's nasty and then there's exasperated.

I'd not be surprised if someone had a really difficult run with a patient and their attitudes and then at break called them a "pompous git" or commenting that a really interfering relative who was stopping you actually doing your job had a face like a smacked arse when you and to remind them that you have a whole ward of patients and no you won't be jumping (but in a politely assertive way) in the staffroom. I think that's reasonable and part and parcel of any line of work.

Comments about appearance etc are simply horrible.

But if it’s behind closed doors why does it matter?
I think it’s a horrible thing to say about a child (or adult actually) but I don’t think it’s casing any harm is it?

And wouldn’t you challenge it cushioncovers or do you just let it slide? I can’t stand it when nasty behaviour is left unchallenged especially when the recipient is vulnerable (a patient or child).

rainbowlou
I had that in reverse. A colleague's previously lovely child hit puberty and became a really obnoxious PITA. She knew it, I knew it. I don't believe in slagging students off in the staffroom but she did ask me how much of a little shit he was being. I confirmed he was being a giant pile of shit, but he'd come out the other side.

Sure enough, a year later he was back being normal again.

Why is it ok to call a child a giant pile of shit but not ugly?

Yes it does cause harm cuckoo because if it is left unchallenged it becomes easier for others to make nasty comments. It can easily become the culture of the school.

I've heard similar in schools tbh, but usually in response to behaviours when staff are at their wits' end when words like 'tosser' or 'nobhead' come into play in exasperation as staff let off steam, and not on a child's physical appearance, which is different. I think you should flag it to the TA manager. It may be that the staff member is struggling and needs support, but it's still a negative opinion to hold of a child and the child could sense it.