To find this a bit odd?

[WhatTheFluck]

Don't know if I am being paranoid.
Friend said that ever since I met my partner, I haven't been in touch so much as I was and that she felt used. I reassured her and things were ok for a while but now seem strange again. She gives short answers when I ask if she is ok and seems to be distancing herself once more. I did depend on her a lot (Almost daily texts ) when I was struggling but I also supported her. Since I met my partner, my life has got a lot more full and am meeting a lot of people. But thats not my fault.
When she came to get something from my house the other day, I found a note left behind. It was a letter from her addressed to a relative of an old lady she looks after (works in an old people's home.) She was telling the relative how when she met 'Mary' it helped her massively as she suddenly felt purposeful and recognised as well as talking about how her and Mary had become good friends and she really needed a good friend at that time. I asked her about the note and she said it must have slipped out her bag. Some of the note read like Mary had 'healed' her and been an amazing friend. Am I being super paranoid to think she planted it in my house to make a point?

Yes exactly fweakout. I'm not understanding why op doesn't understand anything people are saying here

I have a friend who sounds a lot like you.
Endless messages and chats and discussions about herself when life is low, little contact and going out with lots of other people and not ever inviting me to do anything or join her in positive experiences. It's a bit like a energy vampire really, you've probably sucked all her positive feelings towards to out by being very low and negative and when things get better not including her.
Have you ever invited her out with this new social circle. Perhaps you were her social circle and now ironically she feels she has lost hers. Is there some reason you couldnt show appreciation for her and invite and include her in things?
I can understand how she'd be feeling, the letter is a really odd way to address it with you and obviously not effective.
I don't get bothered by my friend being this way because I have plenty of other friends. But if that wasn't the case I can understand being as hurt and feeling rejected like your friend obviously does. She probably just thought she'd get to share in your happiness when the time came and you haven't included her.

So your life is now brilliant because you have a boyfriend? Be very careful op, sounds like you have put all your value on another person.

little contact and going out with lots of other people and not ever inviting me to do anything or join her in positive experiences.

This is what I am picking up from the OP... so OP can you clarify how much you involve your friend in your new, wonderful life? I don't just mean text messages asking how she is. What quality time do you spend together and do you include her?

You haven't once referred to how she feels. It's all about you

She left the note on purpose.
And I had a so-called friend did to me what you did to her and it pissed me off big time.
And ironically she split up with the then dp and got back in touch with me.
Then she did it again so I fkd her off for good.
I felt like a right prat.
You owe her a massive apology.

Me me me me me
If your wonderful new relationship goes tits up don't expect her to care

But what am I meant to do with that? As someone on here said, she can't expect me to be sad forever and text her daily.

So you basically see her as someone you need when you're sad but who isn't worth anything like as much of your time when you're not.

I feel so sorry for your 'friend'

Fuck me you sound smug!

Do you like her as a person? Do you think of her when something unusual happens to you? Do you ever see something and think of her? Do you want to spend time with her?

Is she, really, your friend? Or just someone to dump on when you are sad? Friends get to share the good times too

You clearly don't want to say on here how much your contact levels have actually changed, just that it's "less"; also you sound incredibly patronising. Yes, you might be there if she needs you but friendship is about sharing the good stuff and the bad, checking in, enjoying each other's company, being real with each other. You don't seem to get that and keep going on about your fabulous life on here, which just makes you sound like a twat tbh. Yes we all get busier at times but you don't just go from daily contact to barely anything and then act all superior when she's not happy about it. That's properly shitty behaviour, you come across as brittle and fake. Hope she finds better friends!

I can't help that i met someone and rebuilt my life and social circle.
Of course you can, this didn't happen to you passively. But that's not the issue - the issue is whether you have included your old friend in you new circle?

There is only so much of saying 'You're still important to me' that I can do. She knows that if she needs a chat with me she only has to ask.
Right. You might consider that "saying 'you're important to me' is nothing more than empty words, unless you back it up with action?
And why should SHE have to be the one to ask for contact? That is so dismissive & unfair, I wonder if this is a reverse?
Either way, I bet you weren't waiting for her "to ask" when YOU were the one in need of a good friend.

It's a shame it has taken this mysterious dropped letter to shame you out of your complacency. You have moved on to a life in a bigger, new social circle, but are trying to justify it by phrases like "happened to me" & "not my fault", as if you didn't CHOOSE to embrace this new life. Nothing wrong with the life you are making for yourself, but why have you not made sure your good supportive friend is also part of it?

I am always here for her. All she has to do is let me know

You just can't see it, can you?
Here you are, all loved-up in yoiur shiny new life, & yet you are still putting the entire onus of sustaining the friendship onto her.
Why should she - the friend who supported you daily through your traumatic time - have to "let you know"?
Why are you not spontaneously contacting her, & making sure you are still in regular contact?

In all fairness what else can I do but reassure her?

SEE HER, you daft bugger.

she can't expect me to be sad forever and text her daily.

Where does this odd expectation that your friend wants you to be sad come from?
The real sadness is that you clearly associate your friend with the sad times of your old life, & are disinclined to include her in happy times with your new friends.

OP it's not clear to me from your posts whether how often you saw each other before getting together with your DP and now.

Yes, friendships have ebbs and flows and when someone significant comes into your life, things shuffle around and contact would lessen naturally.

However if you used to message her daily (both supporting each other) and saw each other twice a week and now message once a month and see each other twice a year, that's pretty unusual and she would understandably feel dropped.

Have you tried to include her in your new widened social circle?

Since I met my partner, my life has got a lot more full and am meeting a lot of people. But thats not my fault.

Whether it’s your”fault” or not is debatable, but it’s not a neutral act is it? Your withdrawing/ being busy has had an impact on your friendship. You may not want that to change, but at lest take some responsibility for it.

Rather than reassuring her that you are there for her - you need to spend time with her. When was the last time you spent quality time with her?

OP AIBU ?
Almost entire response on the thread YES
OP no I'm not ( on repeat)

For goodness sake , read the responses properly !