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AIBU?

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Original poster

To let mum and new husband stay with me on my wedding night

78 replies

LollyBee887 · 26/09/2019 16:14

So, long story short, I will have to get legally married rather quickly (UK citizen living in France - was already engaged just speeding up the process). We'll have a small ceremony in December with close family from both sides. A larger ceremony will be planned around March 2020.

Here's the dilemma: my mum wants to stay at my house with her new husband.

I've met her husband three times, each for 5/10 minutes (v.v.quick marriage Bear) and while he's nice enough he's still a stranger. I'm very nervous around new people (especially men) and like don't really like sharing my personal space with strangers.

When I bought up the idea of her leaving husband behind she wasn't having any of it (wasn't worth the argument) and when I asked where she was staying she was shocked at the mere thought of staying at a hotel.

When I asked if she was going to take a hotel on my wedding night she was even MORE shocked and then said "she'll be upstairs and put earplugs in Hmm).

So MN, do I let my mum and her "hubby" stay upstairs or do I stand my ground and make her take a hotel?

OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 26/09/2019 16:16

I would stand my ground. You don’t want to be entertaining the day of and after your wedding.

ElfAndSafetyBored · 26/09/2019 16:16

Stand your ground. Firmly.

ChilledBee · 26/09/2019 16:16

Why not leave them at yours and YOU get a swanky hotel for your wedding night?

Fookinwot · 26/09/2019 16:19

Yes let her stay at yours and you and DH get a hotel!

Idontwanttotalk · 26/09/2019 16:21

I'd definitely want only DH and myself to be present on my wedding night. I think your DM is being unreasonable to expect to share the night with you.

Tell her you might be using every room in the house on your wedding night. Wink She should be more understanding.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 26/09/2019 16:22

I agree with @ChilledBee and @Fookinwot - leave them at home, and you enjoy a swanky hotel with your new dh.

30under · 26/09/2019 16:22

You don't need your mum present on your wedding night! Shock Let alone anyone else.

FizzyGreenWater · 26/09/2019 16:24

No.

And you know what, standing your ground here is about much more than just your wedding arangements by the sound of it.

Your mother sounds like a cheeky entitled little steamroller.

You're about to get married, presumably start a family...

Cut her crap now. There'll never be a better time to draw some new boundaries than a time like this, when everything is reshuffling anyway.

'No, it doesn't suit us. I'll look out hotels for you.'

Do it now and start saving yourself a world of grief when she starts dictating about your home, your pregnancy, your baby...

Rachelover60 · 26/09/2019 16:25

What ChilledBee and Fookinwot said.

intermittentfasting · 26/09/2019 16:25

Book them a hotel.

I loved waking up with DH the morning after our wedding. We had sex, leisurely showers, nice breakfast, opened presents then went to the pub. It was a really nice, relaxed day.

We got married over 4 years ago and I still cherish the memory Smile

We went on honeymoon the next day so we had that excitement too.

Purpleartichoke · 26/09/2019 16:26

She needs to book a hotel.

intermittentfasting · 26/09/2019 16:27

Oh and I much preferred going home to a hotel. We didn't get in til 4am and would have had to check out of a hotel at 11am plus get dressed for breakfast and transport gifts and a huge dress home.
Much more relaxed in our own house.

messolini9 · 26/09/2019 16:30

"she'll be upstairs and put earplugs in hmm

Since when does she get to dictate who gets to stay with you, let alone on your wedding night?
Cheeky Fucker will have to get a hotel.

I also don't understand how her "shock" equals you having to cave in, but that's another thread entirely ... meantime, stand your ground OP!

dottiedodah · 26/09/2019 16:31

I would get a lovely hotel for the night ,as others here have suggested .(Maybe Mum and her new hubby could call it a wedding gift for you?)

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 26/09/2019 16:36

I bet she's aiming to stay more than just one night. Tell her she absolutely cannot under any circumstances and book her a hotel. (to make sure she doesn't leave it to last minute and turn up anyway.)

bridgetreilly · 26/09/2019 16:37

Unless you want to get a hotel, she needs to. That's absolutely unacceptable.

Beautiful3 · 26/09/2019 16:37

She wants to stay with you on your wedding night?!,!! No way! Just find out how much it is to stay at a local hotel and tell her she cant stay at yours!

katewhinesalot · 26/09/2019 16:39

Compromise. She stays for the duration - but not for the wedding night as you need the privacy. She can pay for a hotel and either you or they stay in it.

billy1966 · 26/09/2019 16:40

If you don't wish to go to a hotel for the night then you definitely tell your mother that she has to.

She sounds rude OP.

Stand your ground.
She doesn't get to dictate where she stays despite what she thinks!

Yadid · 26/09/2019 16:42

Tell her to get a grip.

Her0utdoors · 26/09/2019 16:43

Can you and your soon to be husband form a united front on this, it's completely reasonable to have your home to yourself on this occasion. My inlaws insisted on leaving their car parked outside ours the night of our wedding, then got other family members to give them a lift to ours the next morning to get the car. My husband had words with them that even hearing a squeak out of them would be an intrusion and for once, they did as we asked.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/09/2019 16:43

The time is NOW to create some very firm boundaries and refuse to apologise for doing so.

I have a feeling your mother has been a massive pain in your arse your entire life. That needs to change. Your life, your home, your rules. She doesn't need to like it.

PoloM1nt · 26/09/2019 16:43

No no no no no!! Stand your ground. Tell her that doesn't work for you both. Book her a hotel. Don't let her have your home if that's where you want to stay.

goldfinchfan · 26/09/2019 16:44

OP you are a grown up and do not have to do what your Dm is demanding.
She is bang out of order.
a PP suggested a hotel for you and your DH if all else fails take that option, but better if DM goes to the hotel.
What a CF she is !!

TooTrueToBeGood · 26/09/2019 16:46

Tell her to get a grip

Given the circumstances, I would phrase it differently just in case she thinks it's an invite to get even more involved in the wedding night.