Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To despise my FIL

124 replies

Sexnotgender · 25/09/2019 18:03

I’ve never met such a useless, hateful man.

My lovely, selfless MIL was diagnosed with brain cancer 2.5 weeks ago. She’s had surgery and is struggling.

Past couple of days she’s struggled with a chesty cough and we eventually persuaded her this morning that she should see someone.

We phoned oncology and unfortunately they were really busy but suggested we go to A&E. MIL tells FIL she needs to go to A&E.

His response?

But I’m in the middle of my breakfast Angry

I’m not a violent person but I want to smash his selfish face in.

We’re overseas and need to fly home on Monday leaving her with himSad

MILs get a lot of shit on here but mine is just lovely.

OP posts:
Unknownanon · 27/09/2019 20:26

Oh that's so crap your poor MIL. Your FIL deserves to be an ex but it sounds like he enjoys bring cruel and wants to sure she can't escape him too.

Your poor baby, i hope they are ok and you get some rest tonight.

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 28/09/2019 05:03

DH spent the night at the hospital and it’s not looking good.

Baby is a bit better this morning thankfully.

OP posts:
flouncyfanny · 28/09/2019 05:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 28/09/2019 06:13

My Mum made my Dad wait for an ambulance while she got changed and "put her face on".

Wow. That’s cold. I’m so sorry.

OP posts:
flouncyfanny · 28/09/2019 06:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 28/09/2019 06:48

How's MIL?

Not good. DH is waiting to speak to the doctor. We should know more later.

SIL is flying in but can’t get hold of BIL as he’s flying (pilot).

OP posts:
PansyTea · 28/09/2019 07:15

What a wanker. We have one like this in our family. We couldn't work out why his ill wife kept losing weight. It was because he can't cook, so was buying and eating junk food that she couldn't stomach. He was indirectly starving her to death.

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 28/09/2019 07:17

It was because he can't cook

I’ve been doing all the cooking since we arrived as want MIL to eat good quality food.

Asked FIL how to turn the oven on one day, idiot had absolutely no idea.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sexnotgender · 28/09/2019 07:18

I’m usually fairly able to turn ovens on but theirs is weird and you have to turn the timer on too.

OP posts:
Weenurse · 28/09/2019 07:34

I am sending hugs and💐.
I am also willing to be an alibi if one is required.
I do not have a patio to bury him under though, maybe someone else does.

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 28/09/2019 07:52

Thank you. I’m sure i could make it look like an accident. Plus we are in one of the worlds most dangerous cities so I’m sure I can figure something out.

FIL was upset today, reeks of self pity though rather than concern for MIL.

He walks around the house singing ‘I don’t want to be alone’.

OP posts:
Weenurse · 28/09/2019 07:57

It really is all about him, isn’t it

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 28/09/2019 08:29

Totally. It’s all about how it’s going to affect him.

OP posts:
LatteLady · 28/09/2019 08:59

Firstly, I am sorry you are having to pick this up and that you and the baby have not been well.

Next, yes your FiL is being a dick but he is being a dick and stupid because he is frightened. That's not an excuse it's an explanation. He is trying to ignore what is happening by doing other things so he does not have to think about it.

If you are able (without the use of a shovel) sit him down and explain he has to think about the unthinkable, he has to grow a pair to make your MiL's time as comfortable as possible. And if that means sitting in a room holding her hand and talking nonsense, then so be it.

WeLovetoBoogieonaSaturdayNight · 28/09/2019 10:58

@LatteLady, I was thinking the same thing too at first; but after reading all of OP's posts, it turns out her FIL has always been a dickhead. But he's probably also scared now, too.

@Sexnotgender, wishing the best for all of you. Flowers Flowers Flowers

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 28/09/2019 11:34

He’s terrified of course. But more for himself than anything else.

I’m being gracious and looking after him regardless of his behaviour.

MIL was moved to palliative care this morning.

OP posts:
flouncyfanny · 28/09/2019 11:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrettyPurse · 28/09/2019 19:49

So sorry to hear this @Sexnotgender.

What do you think your FIL will do? Do you think the he'll want to move in with you?

OkayGo · 28/09/2019 19:58

Oh that’s so sad op, your poor poor MIL

JaneyJimplin · 28/09/2019 19:58

Sorry your poor mil has deteriorated so rapidly Sad

RainbowCookie · 28/09/2019 20:02

I’m guessing you’re in South Africa, hoping very much you’re in a private hospital.
I’m sure your MIL is getting fantastic care. Sorry your FIL is being so completely selfish.
I’m the opposite way round, i’m In SA whilst parents in UK. My Dad passed away earlier this year and it was very hard being so far. My Mum fought tooth and nail to get him the best care though.

Walkerbean16 · 28/09/2019 20:10

What a twat.

My mother in law is the loveliest woman you could ever meet, my Fil is the most narcissistic arsehole you could ever meet. Polar opposites.

When she was in hospital giving birth to DH he went to the pub, he went to hospital afterwards to meet his newborn son, walked in, didn't even look at the baby and said I'll be back in fifteen minutes if you haven't got your hair done and make up on when I get back I'm going home.

He left her for his secretary (how cliche) and they are currently visiting for the weekend from the country that they moved too. I am sitting happily at home whilst my DH entertains them as I have gone NC :)

Walkerbean16 · 28/09/2019 20:11

Oh gosh I didnt RTFT before posting. I'm so sorry about your mother in law Flowers

LakieLady · 28/09/2019 20:20

Really sorry to hear this, OP. It must be really hard for you all, and desperately unfair.

I hope she's well enough to make a will, leaving him the total sum of fuck all.

RightYesButNo · 28/09/2019 20:23

Oh no, OP. I’m so sorry to see all of this: that your FIL is such a horrible person, that your MIL who doesn’t deserve any of this is now in palliative care.

I know you haven’t mentioned what country they are in for privacy’s sake, but if palliative care means that a hospice have stepped in and taken over, in a lot of countries that means that there will be a dedicated team is caring for your MIL now, including home nurses, etc (if she is allowed to leave hospital), who will watch everything from her nutrition (if she is allowed anything by mouth or gastric tube) to medication management (to make sure she’s not in pain).

I’m so sorry again that you’re dealing with all of this along with a poorly baby, who I hope is some better by now. In the midst of it all, do try to take care of yourself in whatever form you can since while you’re supporting MIL, you still need support for this yourself (talk it out with DH, reach out to friends maybe? I’m sure they’ll be there for you).

And as for your FIL at this point, as @Bluetrews25 can attest, in case you still need a patio for him to go under, you were with the both of us, out having a lovely day. Whatever day it was.