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AIBU?

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Original poster

To despise my FIL

124 replies

Sexnotgender · 25/09/2019 18:03

I’ve never met such a useless, hateful man.

My lovely, selfless MIL was diagnosed with brain cancer 2.5 weeks ago. She’s had surgery and is struggling.

Past couple of days she’s struggled with a chesty cough and we eventually persuaded her this morning that she should see someone.

We phoned oncology and unfortunately they were really busy but suggested we go to A&E. MIL tells FIL she needs to go to A&E.

His response?

But I’m in the middle of my breakfast Angry

I’m not a violent person but I want to smash his selfish face in.

We’re overseas and need to fly home on Monday leaving her with himSad

MILs get a lot of shit on here but mine is just lovely.

OP posts:
Unknownanon · 27/09/2019 13:10

Wow he's a wanker and a half. I'd be tempted to go as close to no contact with him as possible while staying close to MIL. It's incredibly spiteful and cruel, shows the kind of person they truly are!

Snowfalling · 27/09/2019 13:13

He sounds worse with every update. Can't believe he left her hungry because he thinks she should eat something healthy!

Do you feel able to challenge him on his behaviour at all? What about DH?

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 27/09/2019 13:21

Unfortunately challenging him on his behaviour results in a rage from him and he would take it out on MIL.

Lies just tumble from his mouth like confetti.

About the toastie last night.

He said the dietician (his not MILs) said they shouldn’t eat bread.
I said, but you eat loads of bread.
He said no I don’t.

I’ve bought 3 loaves in about 5 days as he eats nearly 1/2 a loaf a day!

We left the hospital before him yesterday. He went to the shops on the way home and bought... bread!

It would honestly be laughable if he wasn’t such a dick to MIL.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sexnotgender · 27/09/2019 13:24

I'd be tempted to go as close to no contact with him as possible while staying close to MIL. It's incredibly spiteful and cruel

Trying! He’s so controlling though and kicked off at MIL when she went and saw their daughter alone.

OP posts:
Howdidido · 27/09/2019 13:47

Is there any way she could come live with you? I know that seems a big ask and potentially impossible depending on where she and you live.
Flowers for you and your MIL. I don't know how you keep your rag with FIL. I would find it hard to not shout at him

FooFighter99 · 27/09/2019 13:51

Or could she move in with her Daughter?

Your FiL sounds insufferable and I hope your MiL makes a fantastic recovery and dumps him sharpish!!

nestisflown · 27/09/2019 13:52

What a prick. Your poor MIL.

WellButterMyArse · 27/09/2019 14:43

He sounds awful.

Babybel90 · 27/09/2019 14:54

He sounds like my dad, always right, selfish, lacking in empathy, not interested in anyone else, can’t see things from other people’s point of view.

I remember when I was a teenager my grandad rang to say my grandmother (my mum’s mum) had passed away suddenly and unexpectedly, they lived a few hundred miles away and he needed us to go to him that day as he was devastated. So I called my dad at work to ask him to go and pick up my mum from her work and tell her and he refused.

I had to call my mum at work and tell her that her mother had died and she had to drive herself home because he refused to leave work early.

Time40 · 27/09/2019 15:03

How old are your MIL and FIL, OP? Is there any possibility that you could help her to leave him, seeing as she's said she wishes she hadn't stayed with him? The poor woman.

We had one of these in our family. Everyone knew he was a selfish git. Once he went into hospital, and then his wife was taken ill and she ended up in hospital, too. When he was told his wife was in hospital, his response was, "Oh no! Who's going to look after the house?" He died recently ... no one was sorry.

PrettyPurse · 27/09/2019 15:28

Nasty revolting hateful man.

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 27/09/2019 15:43

Is there any way she could come live with you? I know that seems a big ask and potentially impossible depending on where she and you live.

Unfortunately not. We’re in the uk and she’s on another continent. I do just want to take her home with me but it’s not practical.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sexnotgender · 27/09/2019 15:44

Or could she move in with her Daughter?

That’s the only reasonable possibility and depending on how her health progresses might be an option.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sexnotgender · 27/09/2019 15:46

How old are your MIL and FIL, OP?

Late sixties.

She’ll not leave him as she’s too bloody nice. She holds all the cards, he’s totally reliant on her financially but she won’t see him destitute.

OP posts:
MrsWicket · 27/09/2019 17:26

Sounds a bit like my fil. Mil had an eye op last week. His plan was to collect her from hospital and take her ‘for a nice pub lunch’ afterwards (aka, he wanted a drink). DH told him to not be so stupid and that Mil would be in no fit state. ‘She’ll be alright’, is his mantra. We pop round and see her the next day, and he’s pulling the curtains that are drawn because ‘it’s too dark in here’, half blinding Mil in the process Hmm

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 27/09/2019 18:03

Amazed at all the similar sounding old arseholes! I’d like to think FIL is an anomaly but sadly it doesn’t sound like he isSad

MIL has taken a turn for the worse this evening. She’s had some kind of ‘episode’ this afternoon. It looks like she’s had a stroke but doctors say they don’t think it’s that. Speech is unintelligible and she looks like she’s been heavily sedated (she hasn’t). I spoke to her on FaceTime when she came back to the ward after surgery and she was on great form. Such a change in a few hours.

DH is with her and FIL has come home as ‘nothing he can do here’. He gives me the absolute rage.

OP posts:
Bluetrews25 · 27/09/2019 18:09

Oh no, hope she is ok.
These men!
Is he going to expect you to run around after him if MIL is not available?
Has he ever cleaned a toilet in his life, I wonder?

Time40 · 27/09/2019 18:10

Poor lady. I hope she recovers.

Don't you just wish you could talk some sense into all these women who are "too nice" to leave uncaring, selfish, horrible men? I'm not amazed at all about the similar-sounding old arseholes, OP. I think they're a recognisable type, and not infrequently found.

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 27/09/2019 18:32

Has he ever cleaned a toilet in his life, I wonder?
I’d say no! They live somewhere where having domestic help is incredibly common.

He was moaning the other day that he couldn’t wait for the domestic help to come as the place was a mess!

He’s a lazy, arrogant, entitled shitebag.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sexnotgender · 27/09/2019 18:34

Is he going to expect you to run around after him if MIL is not available?

I’ll do nothing of the sort, I’m ignoring the stupid fucker.

I am cooking but that was entirely for MILs benefit.

OP posts:
JustOneSquareofDarkChocolate · 27/09/2019 18:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 27/09/2019 18:47

Does your DH feel as strongly as you?

He does. He absolutely despises FIL.

MIL did manage to leave FIL when my husband was a small child. FIL held my husband hostage so she had to return. He’s a weapons grade cunt.

He’d have no contact with FIL if it wasn’t for his desire to see MIL who he is very close to.

Thankfully my husband had a few really great male role models in his life. One in particular he credits for showing him what it means to be a gentleman and a gentle man.

My husband is NOTHING like his father. He’s a wonderful person and doesn’t deserve to be treated like crap by his dad. One of these days I’ll snap and bludgeon FIL with a rock.

OP posts:
ChimesAtMidnight · 27/09/2019 19:15

God op, you could be talking about my DH and his father; exact same scenario; my lovely, kind, gentle MIL dying of bowel and stomach cancer and he couldn't possibly care for her because of his busy social life.
DH had an awful childhood too; and he grew up to be the polar opposite of his father.
My mum warned me not to marry DH because in her words, "like father, like son".
But I always knew he wasn't and he isn't. You and your MIL have my sympathy and I wish her all the best for her health.

Original poster
Sexnotgender · 27/09/2019 19:42

I’m sorry chimesatmidnight, it’s unbelievably shit. I’m glad your DH is one of the good ones too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sexnotgender · 27/09/2019 19:43

And it never rains...

I’ve now got a baby with a raging temperature Sad

OP posts:
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