To not give my 14yr old the biggest bedroom in the house?

[sashamichele]

I'm a single mum to 4 girls 17,14,5,2 and a son 19. We live in a 4 bedroom house.
The bedrooms are all different sizes there's a box room which will fit a single bed, bedside table and a chest of drawers or a desk.
The next size room is bigger but but an awkward shape but would fit a small double bed, desk and drawers.
The next one is on the other side of the house and is a good size and is mine, theres a king size bed, wardrobe, chest of drawers and a tall skinny bookshelf and bedside table.
Then the 4th is the biggest but not overly massive but the biggest of the 4.
At the minute DD's 14 and 17 share a room and DD's 5 and 2 but now there box room is going spare DD's 14/17 want there own rooms which is understandable so we're swapping round rooms. Dd 17 is going into the second room which atm DD's 5&2 share. So that leaves dd14 in the biggest room of the house and she wants to stay put and let the two little some go into the box room with a bunk bed.
Aibu to tell her that the little ones need the biggest room as they share? She's kicking off about it.

Haha I love how mumsnetters think that every single 18yr old goes to uni Of course your 17yr old should have a bigger room than the 14yr old, unless of course the younger teen agrees to have the 2 year old and her toys in with her!

The 5 and 2 yr old will be perfectly happy and cosy in the smallest room, decorate it nicely. Give the 14 yr old a bigger room to socialise in, she's shared all this time, give her a nice room, its not her fault she's not old enough to financially contribute. By the time the little ones are bothered where they sleep the older two will be gone.
My eldest is 20, HUGE room, DD19, big room, DS 2 and DS3 share a smallish room in twin beds with not much floorspace very happily, they always play in the hall or lounge anyway. DS1 moving out after Uni then they get a playroom.

As in "limit themselves to", in case that wasn't obvious.

I've just seen that your a single mum - I would take the smallest room myself in your situ - adults have the lounge to relax in and we don't have to hang out in our rooms or have friends over to our bedrooms as our teens do. Move into the smallest room, give all the kids a nice play/social space and you can entertain in your lounge.

I don't see any reason why the 17 year old is more entitled to a larger room than the 14 year old. In fact, I'd say she's less entitled, as she's already had a turn having a bigger room to herself.

It's completely reasonable to say that the sharers get the biggest room, and the singles get the smaller rooms.

If both the other girls want the bigger of the remaining rooms, then they should either take it in turns (with 14 yr old going first as 17 yr old has already had a turn) or draw straws.

I find it odd that you don't even consider your 17 year old having the box room! To an outsider (and no doubt also to your 14 year old) it does look like you favour your 17 year old.

Heaven forbid women should not have more children than they can care for / afford / house.

Her house sounds plenty big for 4 children (living at home)? Having your own bedroom isn't some sort of basic human right (eventhough this 14 year old actually does, she's just complaining it isn't big enough!)

I find it odd that you don't even consider your 17 year old having the box room! To an outsider (and no doubt also to your 14 year old) it does look like you favour your 17 year old.

No it doesn't. Her 17 year old contributes financially to the household, she shouldn't have the box room

Give her 2 options, accept it gracefully and I'll decorate it for you. Don't be graceful and I won't decorate it...

This is a better set of options than letting her choose to share with a sibling in the big room or box room to herself.

Those options give her control over what happens to her other siblings - do they all get a similar vote? I doubt it!

No. Tell her how the rooms are getting allocated, and give her the option of being pleasant or not about it.

Arya
That’s hardly the younger child’s fault. Op hasn’t yet answered if her eldest will be ok with the smaller room.

And it isn’t a box room.

Is that suppose to be sarcasm or just nastiness?

It was supposed to be a joke, and I apologise that it didn’t come across as funny and I’m sorry I hurt your feelings as that wasn’t my intention.

I love how mumsnetters think that every single 18yr old goes to uni

What is more baffling if we want to pull the class card is that the OP considers 10'8 a box room (if it seems that small the other rooms must be massive) and people seem to consider that same sex DC over a certain age sharing a large bedroom is some form of neglect...

Yanbu ridiculous to put the shares in the smallest room

Ds moved out two weeks ago.

My original idea was to let dd14 have the biggest room and give the smallest to the little ones. But then I thought that if they had the biggest it could be a bedroom/playroom as they have so many toys and their over running the dinning room. Dd17 has already decorated the room she will be moving into. I asked dd14 what she wanted to do have the box room or share with one of the little ones and that's when she kicked off saying she's gonna move out blah blah blah.

It just makes sense to put the little ones in the big room. It's not like I'm asking her to move under the stairs it's a pretty decent sized room for a box room.

I asked dd14 what she wanted to do have the box room or share with one of the little ones and that's when she kicked off saying she's gonna move out blah blah blah.

Well she's made it impossible for you to change your mind after that strop, anyway. It might be worth pointing that out to her. Kicking off isn't the way to persuade anyone to come round to what you want.

That’s hardly the younger child’s fault

I never said it was, it's just a fact? She's not being hard done by here, she's being a bit entitled and unfair

Moving into a room 10 by 8 doesn't even warrant a debate; it's a perfectly decent sized room.

I don't want to get all, "I brought my family up in a coalshed" but three of mine shared a room that size until the eldest was 8.

I’m confused op. Last week you had a partner but now you’re a single parent? There’s obviously a lot of upheaval going on for the children without them having to worry about bedrooms.

OP, do you know anyone who has a genuine “box room” in a small terraced house? Take your 14 year old to go and see it, for some perspective. The threat to move out would have made me laugh, I must admit. I hope you managed to keep a straight face

@CanoeDoYouThinkYouAre he moved out Saturday. And my son a week before that, there's been a lot of upheaval recently.
@Derbee our old house had a tiny box room so she knows she could be a lot worse off.

Oh blimey, that's a lot for all of you to be dealing with right now.

Honestly and I don't expect this to be a popular opinion but I think you should take the box room

I do too. And once she’s finished, I think she should lie down in the road and let her daughter use her as a bridge to avoid the puddles.

Btw, where is your daughter threatening to move out to, @sashamichele?

I still don't see why 17 year old gets 2 turns at the he bigger room, and 14 year old twice gets booted out to the littlest room. So what if she pays a portion of her part time wage in rent? So she should! Why was she allowed to pick and decorate the bigger room without everything being agreed with the 14 year old? It sounds a though you originally agreed to give the 14 year old the biggest room and now have unilaterally changed your mind. 17 year old should have her turn in the small room, or 14 & 17 year old should continue to share, with box room set up as study. 14 year old is just starting GCSEs, she will need space, a desk and peace and quiet.

@mrsm43s I didn't say she had been in the smallest room before? She had the biggest room in the house for almost a year to herself before my one year old moved in there too.

@Butchyrestingface I don't she even knows!

My ds has always had the smallest room in all the houses we've lived In because he's the only boy.