To not give my 14yr old the biggest bedroom in the house?

[sashamichele]

I'm a single mum to 4 girls 17,14,5,2 and a son 19. We live in a 4 bedroom house.
The bedrooms are all different sizes there's a box room which will fit a single bed, bedside table and a chest of drawers or a desk.
The next size room is bigger but but an awkward shape but would fit a small double bed, desk and drawers.
The next one is on the other side of the house and is a good size and is mine, theres a king size bed, wardrobe, chest of drawers and a tall skinny bookshelf and bedside table.
Then the 4th is the biggest but not overly massive but the biggest of the 4.
At the minute DD's 14 and 17 share a room and DD's 5 and 2 but now there box room is going spare DD's 14/17 want there own rooms which is understandable so we're swapping round rooms. Dd 17 is going into the second room which atm DD's 5&2 share. So that leaves dd14 in the biggest room of the house and she wants to stay put and let the two little some go into the box room with a bunk bed.
Aibu to tell her that the little ones need the biggest room as they share? She's kicking off about it.

Jeeze, my daughters had 10x8 bedrooms all their lives. If that's considered a box room in your house, the other rooms must be huge!

Does DS have a room? what size? just wondered!

Don’t let the tail wag the dog here. You run the family home not her. Let her kick off if she wants to, it doesn’t have to change things.

That being said, could you soften the blow a bit by offering her a small budget to make the new room a bit more special and grown up? Being able to pick out duvet cover, throws, curtains (and YES, fairy lights) etc might make her feel like this is a privilege not a demotion.

Taking a step back I can actually see her POV.

She had the smallest room, her sister had a bigger room and was then made to move over to her sisters room for her younger siblings. Then you’re expecting her to move back to the smallest room again.

Tbh I would discuss this with your 17 yo. Perhaps she wouldn’t mind having the smaller room for peace.

I don’t agree the eldest child should necessarily get the bigger room each time and it does seems fair in a way that she had the smaller room when she was little and therefore gets the larger room this time.

Totally agree with TeddyBear45.
Couldn`t have said it any better.

17 year old gets a reasonable room for a bit until uni, then she'll get it. By then the little'uns may spread out into box+second room

Your child is feeling that by giving her 17 year old sister the bigger of the 2 rooms you are favouring her sister over her. She doesnt get to have the biggest room but if there is a considerable difference in size between the remaining 2 rooms then consider which child needs the bigger room. Then explain the reasoning to both 14 and 17 year old.

They dont get to choose. However encouraging them to put forward a sound argument for why they need a bigger room is developing their skills and showing you are willing to listen to them while simply saying my house, my choice is unkind.

What OP has failed to mention is that DS19 sleeps on a sofa bed in the living room.

Ah, I should have gone for, "sleeps under the dining table".

@FamilyOfAliens tbf I'd have liked that at 14

DSis and I shared a room that was 10’x8’ until I was 15, as 2 other DSis’s shared the slightly smaller similar room and 2 DBros had the 2nd double room (only about 2’ wider and the extra end space just fitted a wardrobe as it was an alcove).

I got that room to myself, and DSis got the other small room, while younger DSis’s got the attic conversion to share. Boys stayed put.

It was just so great having private space!

DD14 needs to know that larger room must be shared.

Is it going to be decorated? That might help

Yanbu! What a madame! As is sherbet saucer!

I think not having more children than you space would have been a better idea. When the two youngest are older and want their own rooms you’re stuffed.

Oh get a fucking grip, I grew up with three other siblings in a three bed flat for most of my childhood. I shared a room for all that time. The first time I had my own room was when I went to uni. It was absolutely fine.

What OP has failed to mention is that DS19 sleeps on a sofa bed in the living room.

Is that suppose to be sarcasm or just nastiness?

Ds has moved out permanently, I understand he may well end up back home in the future but I'm hoping to move to a bigger house next year .

Dd17 will not be going to uni, atm she's in college and working part time. The room she is moving into isnt that much bigger (probably a foot or two bigge) but it's an awkward shape as there's a fireplace in the corner so the room isn't square.
She also contributes to the household and is a big help to me.

Dd14 is in school and spends the most time out of the house. She's recently just had a new bed and I've given her a budget to decorate it how she wants and buy furnishings ie curtains/blinds/ bedding /cushions ect.

She's kicking off about it

She's 14 - its part of her job description.

Sharers get the large room, singles take the smaller rooms. She can of course opt to share with the toddler...

Honestly and I don't expect this to be a popular opinion but I think you should take the box room

Oh to hell with that.

I'm all for doing the best I can for the DC but the reality is these girls live in a 4 bed house which already makes them significantly more fortunate than many. What on earth is wrong the box room for a child? She has her own space,, she will have to make do with the size it is.

Has your son just moved out, is that why you're rearranging? But yes of course YANBU, but it was worth a try from her I guess!!

Sorry just read your update about son

Honestly and I don't expect this to be a popular opinion but I think you should take the box room

Nope. Not popular.

Why would she take the box room? hahaha don't be ridiculous @ whoeversaidthat

Stop calling it the box room! It's a perfectly decent sized bedroom. Calling it that is making it sound worse than it is, and will add to her feeling that she's being short changed.

Where do the older two hang clothes?

If the 17 year old is never leaving then the 14 year old never gets the chance to have a bigger room which is a bit rubbish I guess.
Maybe when the 17 year old gets to 19 she can have the box room for a year if she is indeed still at home?

Ok well you’ve decided that this is the room she’s going to have. So talk to her about how her furniture will fit in this room just as well as the other room then. Where will she study?

@Whatevskev
That was exactly my point. The 17 yo should get the smaller room at some stage seeing as the 14 yo had it when she was little.

It appears op is likely to be moving next year so this may be a moot point.

However under these circumstances if it really is happening I’d consider letting the 14 yo have the bigger room for the next year seeing as she always had the smallest.

When / if the family moves, the children gets to pick their own room if there is one each. Surprisingly dds friends older sister picked the smallest bedroom in the house when they moved.

Op has your 17 yo actually said she wants that room?