Should he pay childcare?

[roxhizsox]

I am a single mum with a 18 month d ds. I split up with his father when I was pregnant but we have a good relationship and he sees ds regularly.he pays money every week and probably more than he has to if we went to court which I won’t do as everything is good. I have recently started volunteering with a local charity, a lot of the work can be done from home but as I’m becoming more involved, it’s taking up more time. I hope to get a paid role at some time in the future but it’s not guaranteed. Here is my AIBU. I have asked my ds dad to pay towards childcare so I can continue to volunteer but he has said no. I think this is not fair as he can work whenever he wants without having to worry about childcare. Also volunteering is good for my self esteem and might lead to earning money. Should I keep asking him for money for childcare or AIBU?

It’s hard to say without knowing his income but I think if he’s already paying more than the usual maintenance and he’s not in a massively well paid job then you would be unreasonable to keep asking. He is supporting his child, I don’t think he is obliged to support you as well.

I think YABU if he’s already paying more than he needs to be?

If you can't afford the childcare then you can't afford to volunteer.

It’s extra problematic as it’s volunteering so it’s not like you can say it’s going to benefit the child as a paid job would. He doesn’t really need to pay for you, just so you can do something you enjoy, if he’s already paying more than is needed. Sorry

How much is he paying I n relation to his earning op and how much are you asking for towards childcare?

How often does he have DS at his?

Yabu. Very. Fine to volunteer your time at your cost but not to expect others to pay for it. He sounds a good guy. Don't be the CF.

If it was for a paid job / on his set days to have him then yes.
However you don't Have to. Volunteer, its a lovely thing to do though.
Why should he be out of pocket because of something you choose to do.

I’d say no you need to sort childcare. Sorry Op! Good luck!

Completely depends on his income and what he already pays.

Yabu.

Does he look after the child a couple of evenings a week or every second weekend? Is so there’s your chance to volunteer. If not why not, make it happen

He should pay half of childcare for you to engage in paid work. I don’t think volunteering should come at his expense. You can volunteer during his custody times.

Of course yabu. You're resident parent, you get maintaince already above what's required and you're choosing to volunteer when it's your time with the lo. You arrange and fund childcare.

Unfortunately work (or volunteering) is seen as the mother's 'choice' so there isn't any expectation for a non-resident father to share childcare costs in addition to maintenance.

Why should you not have a chance to further your life because you are the rp?You're asking him to help out with childcare for his child. Of course it's fine. If I wanted to work more my dh would step in or we'd use our joint wages. Not sure why he'd get off with that if we were separated?

I know it's not what you asked, but you may get 15hrs funding when he's 2. That will help.

If you were working in an actual paid job it would be nice if he contributed to childcare but as you are just volunteering then no, why should he contribute for something that is your choice to do. If you want to do it as a hobby then you should pay for it yourself, if you can;t afford to then you can't do it, same as any other hobby.

Bloody hell, we live in a world where women are telling other women to suck it up, as the father of their child does as he please and takes bare minimum responsibility for his child. This is why women are are so vulnerable to poverty, his employment opportunities are plentiful (if he choose) as he does not need to consider such matters as childcare, pick-ups, drop offs etc. However, you are either expected not to invest in your future employability by gaining practical experience, or do (un paid) work, around HIS schedule. Fucking crazy....
I think you should press the matter with him, calmly explain volunteering is a great way to gain employment if you don't have the qualifications or skill set etc.

I actually can't believe folk are defending his position.

@Blanca87 yes women telling women facts. That's what it is.

She cant force him to pay for childcare.

How is that different to you asking him to pay childcare to go to the gym because it would be good for you? I think you're taking the hand by asking for that tbh.

@Blanca87 thank god! Was thinking where the hell are the reasonable people!? A world where woman are grateful that dads spend time with their children and pay more money than the courts would insist! Honestly, to the op. Aim to be better than these people posting yabu.

YABU, I’d understand sharing childcare costs if you were earning a wage but not for volunteering. That’s ridiculous!

But can he even afford to if he's paying over the odds already? Nobody knows that.

If you don’t work then how do you get by? Isn’t his money just for the child? I am simply asking because I don’t really understand how this works. Not judging.

You know your self he could be paying you less and you wouldn't be able to argue it. Why not see if he can have ds a couple days a week so you can volunteer then. If it's only optional during his work hours then I'm affraid you might need to look into at what age your ds is eligible for funded hours at nursery.