Brother/SIL- more CFuckery!

[jacks11]

I don’t think AIBU, more can’t believe their brass neck! I thought they were joking at first, but no!

DB has just lost his job- after 6 month probationary period his performance has not been deemed satisfactory (no idea if fair or not). SIL has gone back to uni- in 2nd year. They were on very tight budget as DB not well paid, so only that plus her student bursary. They have 2 DC (one school age, one toddler). Our parents help out financially by paying for 2 days per week of nursery (DB/SIL pay for remaining days) and also tend to buy school uniform/shoes/winter boots and coat etc. They also pay for sports camp etc during the summer. I tend to buy useful presents at birthday such as clothes/PJ’s/trainers etc plus a fun gift. So whilst not ideal financial situation, they do get help.

Anyway, They visited yesterday- well, I had to drive over an hour to them, pick them up and bring them here, same return journey- they don’t drive. I do it to save DMum having to do it. He announced that they have now decided that I should contribute to their nursery costs since he has lost his job. Oh, and help with SIL travel costs to/from her course placement. And anything ease they may need. Because I can afford it. I think a) it is not my job to pay for his dc to attend nursery/any other costs of running THEIR household; b)to demand it is just completely out of line; c) he is not working then he can look after his DC; d)he can’t possibly know what I can or cannot afford; e)they have not even looked into extra support they could get from uni/bursaries/grants available/benefits.

Gobsmacked. They were most put out even I pretended I thought they were joking and attempted to laugh it off.

I get that they must be worried about money. But still, terrible way to behave. And they should know- because I have been very clear in the past- that I will not lend them money because money I have lent in the past (a significant amount of money to me at the time) has not been repaid. Not a a single penny, despite their promise at the time to do so. They have also borrowed money from our parents, told them they needed more than they did and spent the rest on other things (found out accidentally)- so now they are given specific things (I.e. clothes/ nursery paid directly) as they cannot be trusted.

Honestly- where do they get their ideas from?!

DB said he couldn’t Look for a job and look after DC

Bollocks. I managed to do this while looking after 3 children. You do it in the evening when the other parent takes over or after DC have gone to bed.

SIL said I had to bear in mind she needs time to do her coursework too.

Er no she has to bear this in mind and adapt her lifestyle accordingly.

Do not give them a penny, and I'd stop with the lifts too. You owe them nothing

at how they think they are being reasonable!

I just read your other threads regarding your brother and it seems that he blames everyone around him for his misfortune.

Under no circumstance pay for nursery. This is utterly ridiculous. Your brother isn’t even working right now.

I read your other threads about how you had babysat in an emergency and the children were poorly behaved, then you were abused when your brother and SIL collected the children. You then found out the your brother and SIL weren’t busy the entire weekend - they had the rest of the weekend to themselves. Then the very next weekend they wanted you to babysit again!!!

Then there was the time your SIL asked for help babysitting when she was studying and it turns out she had a sleep in and then went out with her friends.

They are so poorly behaved. Reading your stories made me feel so much better. I too get asked to do the babysitting and get abused for it.

We have a different family dynamic but the thing that is similar is this expectation from a sibling that we are responsible for the decisions that they have made. That we should be doing more.

And after the situation/event has down, the expectation that we will do it all over again.

I really don’t understand it.

Please do keep posting about your brother and your SIL though.

No, mum told them they were being ridiculous. It did not go down well. Fortunately, she also said they wouldn’t be doing it either.

Thank goodness for that! And wahay, way to go Mum!

Incidentally I did a full time law degree with two children under five with only 20 hours childcare per week, so I'm sure SIL can find a way - if she has the will. And DH was working fulltime, NOT flexible or able to WFH at that stage, so it was just me with the childcare. So I'm sure that the DH will certainly be able to look for work with one child at home, and one in school, and then they'll be able to sort nursery out once he's found someone prepared to hire his feeble arse.

Does she not get the childcare grant from Student Finance? That's 85% of costs paid per week you just top up the 15%. And so what if she loses the nursery place, childminders are a bit more flexible and easy to get a place at short notice

So, let me get this right...they have two young children that they can I'll afford and Dsil is at University, not earning but running up fees!! What was she even doing going to university? Sorry but university is a luxury. She needs to defer and get a job. Then once the children start school, she can decide whether to return to university (if she can afford it) or whether she will have to take a night course or an open university course. They chose to have children. They should have thought it through better.

What university course is she doing?

Running errands yesterday, every single retail shop had a help wanted sign. He should have no problem finding temporary work over the holidays while he looks for something more permanent.

The child should drop down to government funded hours only. He can care for his own child if his not working why should the child be in full time nursery. Your mother should stop wiping his arse and tell them to look into what help they can get. If they cannot afford his partner to carry on with uni she drops out and they both get a job until a time they can afford it. Supporting their kids comes first and that's their jobs no one else's.

I suspect that your brother might feel that he has some sort of claim to your money as payback for the injustice he perceives that he has suffered (entirely through his own actions) in the past.

If you are a millionaire living a life of luxury then you should prob help them.

If not, yanbu.

Kaddm, Why would being a millionaire make any difference? They are a pair of cheeky fuckers who are making a pigs war of managing their own lives, by the sounds of it, and expecting others to pick up the tab for their poor choices. The OP's finances are irrelevant.

OP

I am in need of a mansion with an indoor swimming pool and a helicopter pad on top.

Whenever you are ready to give that to me, should be the time you give the money to your brother

They are a pair of cheaky fuckers. You gave them a loan in the past which they did not pay back. They now expect you to fund their children care when he is not working and she is in college.
She decided to go back to college despite the fact the they have 2 children and he was either unemployment or in a job probation period.
They need to go to citizens advice and see what benefits they are entitled to.
The reality is they have 2 children and those kids are their responsibility so they need to start acting like adults. He needs to get a job and look for cheaper child care. She needs to realise that you and your mother are not going to fund their current lifestyle so she can defer college, get a job and go back at a later date when she is in a better financial position.

I'm sorry I know it's really not funny, but I lol'd at their CFery.

Tell them the same thing my MiL used to say to CFs: "Want in one hand and shit in the other. See which one gets filled first."

I don't think the SIL should give up her course - she is taking it because she currently has next to no qualifications and very poor employment opportunities, so I wouldn't try to take the ONE piece of evidence that they're trying to improve their own lives themselves away from them.

DB needs a proper rocket up HIS arse though - wtf planet is he on that he thinks he can't possibly look after the DC and look for a job, of course he can!
And SIL with her "I need time to do my coursework" - yeah, do it when everyone's asleep, like normal parent students. Or when they're at nursery/school.

She can also reduce her units being taken and extend the period of her course, if the load of it is too difficult for her - most colleges/universities will allow that, she just needs to talk to her pastoral mentor and discuss options.

But no - they tried to take the easiest way out that would involve as little effort from DB as possible - get OP to pay.

DB is the real cheeky fucker here, SIL's not far behind but at least she IS doing something!

Will the course she is doing lead directly into employment?

I hope it isn’t a job that will involve them asking the OP and her mum to do childcare for them for the next ten years!

I can't believe that after five or so years of posts about your brother and his wife that you haven't just gone NC altogether.