Brother/SIL- more CFuckery!

[jacks11]

I don’t think AIBU, more can’t believe their brass neck! I thought they were joking at first, but no!

DB has just lost his job- after 6 month probationary period his performance has not been deemed satisfactory (no idea if fair or not). SIL has gone back to uni- in 2nd year. They were on very tight budget as DB not well paid, so only that plus her student bursary. They have 2 DC (one school age, one toddler). Our parents help out financially by paying for 2 days per week of nursery (DB/SIL pay for remaining days) and also tend to buy school uniform/shoes/winter boots and coat etc. They also pay for sports camp etc during the summer. I tend to buy useful presents at birthday such as clothes/PJ’s/trainers etc plus a fun gift. So whilst not ideal financial situation, they do get help.

Anyway, They visited yesterday- well, I had to drive over an hour to them, pick them up and bring them here, same return journey- they don’t drive. I do it to save DMum having to do it. He announced that they have now decided that I should contribute to their nursery costs since he has lost his job. Oh, and help with SIL travel costs to/from her course placement. And anything ease they may need. Because I can afford it. I think a) it is not my job to pay for his dc to attend nursery/any other costs of running THEIR household; b)to demand it is just completely out of line; c) he is not working then he can look after his DC; d)he can’t possibly know what I can or cannot afford; e)they have not even looked into extra support they could get from uni/bursaries/grants available/benefits.

Gobsmacked. They were most put out even I pretended I thought they were joking and attempted to laugh it off.

I get that they must be worried about money. But still, terrible way to behave. And they should know- because I have been very clear in the past- that I will not lend them money because money I have lent in the past (a significant amount of money to me at the time) has not been repaid. Not a a single penny, despite their promise at the time to do so. They have also borrowed money from our parents, told them they needed more than they did and spent the rest on other things (found out accidentally)- so now they are given specific things (I.e. clothes/ nursery paid directly) as they cannot be trusted.

Honestly- where do they get their ideas from?!

Would love to know DB's reasoning why their DC needs to go to >2 days nursery per week when he's out of work...

When you decide to have children, your first priority has to be providing for them.

I think as a family you have probably done too much and the more you give the more they expect.

I'm sure there's many parents that would like to be studying, but can't afford to. This is the position your DB & SIL are in, they cannot afford for her to be at Uni. She could continue to study part time in the evenings/weekends if she wanted to.

How shocking !

Sometimes I wonder what makes people end up like this, so demanding and entitled?

I agree duckwillow

That was an uncalled for comment on someone you know nothing about percher

Do not give them a penny! CHeeky buggers.

His priority is to find a new job and in the mean time her college should take a back burner and she should be finding a job too rather than relying on others to pay for them to live Day by day.

They're so selfish it's beyond belief. I'm glad you're not going to give them a penny. They're living a life they can't afford and need to grow up. DB needs to get any job, regardless of what it is, so they have income coming in. They need to claim top up benefits if its under the maximum. No more nursery until he's in a job because he can be a SAHD. Or, SIL explains to the university there's a crisis at home, and she defers by a year. She can then get a job, again, no matter how shit it is, and pay their way.

But realistically, none of that will happen. They'd rather beg from the bank of mum and dad, and anyone else, rather than act like adults they're supposed to be.

I feel bad for the kids. Imagine having parents that utterly useless and irresponsible with money. It's sad.

He can announce all he likes.
Doesn't mean he gets what he wants, hey.

So yeah, tell him to fuck off. His problems are not your problems.

That is so CF it's hilarious!!

DB better find a job super quick or start looking after the DC...

Just say “no” and think no more about it.

There is a lot of support about for student parents.

It’s nice to support family but I’m sure you’d agree that pointing the in the direction of subsided nursery places or childcare grants will be better in the long run.

www.gov.uk/education/financial-help-for-students-who-are-parents-or-carers

Your parents are enabling them. This is why they have the attitude that everyone else’s money is fair game.

I'd have laughed them out of my house and locked the door. They need to learn to sort their own problems out.

The answer is no.
They are CF
Distance yourself now, the begging bowl will be out Christmas. Become very busy, and tell you dp you no longer wish to be involved. Your parents are being utter mugs

If they have the nerve to bring it up again say an outright no and tell them you will never be funding them so they are never to suggest it again. As for giving them lifts, I'd knock that on the head too. If your DM is so caught up in their lives that she gives in to their demands that's her problem, so if she wants to do the lifts then let her off. Or maybe encourage her to stop and leave them to their own devices for a while, where they will simply have to come up with solutions to their own bloody problems. If people keep bailing them out they will never have to sort themselves out.

I agree, mum and dad do a lot of pandering. I think the reason they chose to pay nursery fees is that when SIL qualifies it would allow her to get a reasonably paid job and help pull themselves up- both SIL and DN left school with few qualifications and poor employment prospects. DB has no excuse as had potential to do well but chose to mess around and be part of the wrong crowd. Obviously, I don’t know what happened with SIL.

I think our parents feel guilty, or something akin to that, as both they and I are financially very comfortable- and feel sorry that DNephew and neice are not getting the same opportunities as DB and I had, and that my DC have. I don’t agree subscribe to that, on the whole, but do sometimes feel sorry for the children when they miss out.

Another one wanting to know how they reacted when you said no.

It’s nice to support family but I’m sure you’d agree that pointing the in the direction of subsided nursery places or childcare grants will be better in the long run

Not OPs job to find them solutions to their own problems and as SIL is at Uni she’ll be well aware of her entitlement

Honestly, if it weren’t for our parents I would never see them again. As it is, contact is very limited.

I have no intention of giving them a penny, BTW- I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised really. But it was a bit gobsmacking.

not getting the same opportunities as DB

It doesn't seem to have helped him, bearing in mind he can't hold down a job.

Percheron

You are an idiot and you win the award for dropping in spiteful totally unrelated and unneeded sentences into a thread award.

They are arses of the first water!

I would stop giving them lifts as well tbh. You are just helping to facilitate them. I understand why you do so your mum doesn't do the driving. But this is what would have contributed to the problem. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life driving them around? Think about the long term and when they are teens with various events far away.

I work in a university and I'm sure some placement students can claim their travel costs back. There may also be support for students who are struggling financially. I know in my uni there is a fund they can apply for although other unit's might be different.

Laughing was the right response.