Brother/SIL- more CFuckery!

[jacks11]

I don’t think AIBU, more can’t believe their brass neck! I thought they were joking at first, but no!

DB has just lost his job- after 6 month probationary period his performance has not been deemed satisfactory (no idea if fair or not). SIL has gone back to uni- in 2nd year. They were on very tight budget as DB not well paid, so only that plus her student bursary. They have 2 DC (one school age, one toddler). Our parents help out financially by paying for 2 days per week of nursery (DB/SIL pay for remaining days) and also tend to buy school uniform/shoes/winter boots and coat etc. They also pay for sports camp etc during the summer. I tend to buy useful presents at birthday such as clothes/PJ’s/trainers etc plus a fun gift. So whilst not ideal financial situation, they do get help.

Anyway, They visited yesterday- well, I had to drive over an hour to them, pick them up and bring them here, same return journey- they don’t drive. I do it to save DMum having to do it. He announced that they have now decided that I should contribute to their nursery costs since he has lost his job. Oh, and help with SIL travel costs to/from her course placement. And anything ease they may need. Because I can afford it. I think a) it is not my job to pay for his dc to attend nursery/any other costs of running THEIR household; b)to demand it is just completely out of line; c) he is not working then he can look after his DC; d)he can’t possibly know what I can or cannot afford; e)they have not even looked into extra support they could get from uni/bursaries/grants available/benefits.

Gobsmacked. They were most put out even I pretended I thought they were joking and attempted to laugh it off.

I get that they must be worried about money. But still, terrible way to behave. And they should know- because I have been very clear in the past- that I will not lend them money because money I have lent in the past (a significant amount of money to me at the time) has not been repaid. Not a a single penny, despite their promise at the time to do so. They have also borrowed money from our parents, told them they needed more than they did and spent the rest on other things (found out accidentally)- so now they are given specific things (I.e. clothes/ nursery paid directly) as they cannot be trusted.

Honestly- where do they get their ideas from?!

Yanbu what a cheek!

DB said he couldn’t Look for a job and look after DC

Makes you wonder how single mothers manage to find a job / retain a job / look after their DCs. It's not easy, but good job DB has SIL to help...

The only thing I’d be giving them from now on would be a very wide berth.

Tell you parents what this pair are suggesting and make sure they know they too are being treated as mugs.

WTF? They can jog on and grow up.

Impressive levels of cheeky fuckery. Truly impressive.

They were most put out even I pretended I thought they were joking and attempted to laugh it off..

Good response. I'd stick to that stance.

I am guessing percherEXISTS 78 ZEE

i would suggest to your brother that he sign on at an agency and take any work he can in the run up to christmas.If he got his arse in gear now he could earn 3-4 k between now and then,Then over the xmas break for sil at uni they can sit down and work out what they need not want to do to ensure they are both providing for their family,Mind you they both sound total losers so they might tell you where to shove your advice OP. You are so right though in not subsidising them anymore,,they need to work out the basics of life now otherwise they will get nowhere ever.

You could send your DB links to the ads for the Christmas Post.

Some people are just so utterly shameless. I think I might invert completely from embarrassment if I came out with something like that.

They might value the nursery and want to avoid disrupting the kids and then having to find a new childcare provider when (or if...) your brother finds a new job.

True but then if they want to rely on family support they should pay back money they've borrowed before. Not just expect more and more to be handed to them for free.

Jacks, I've just realised I've followed (under a variety of name-changes) all your previous threads about this pair.

They are possibly the biggest CFs on the planet. You always seem to have had healthy boundaries in place (despite some attacks from some similarly entitled goady fuckers on MN) so don't wobble now! It's also good to see that your mum seems to be getting better at telling them 'no' nowadays.

Well the only way they'll start taking responsibility is by forcing them to. Which you are all doing now. Well done.

He could look for shift work evenings/weekends and negate the need for childcare

Struggling to see the AIBU in this. What was your dilemma?

Just as I’m struggling to see the point of your post. You could have easily just not replied.

Mind boggling entitlement!

Were they joking?! I would just say no. I wouldn’t even debate your finances, the fairness of life, how expensive things are etc. No one owes them a living. Their life and their problem. Total and utter CF’s

One day my sister declared that I should be helping her out more with babysitting and that most other families provide more assistance and that I was being lazy not babysitting.

The children were fine to look after, she was an absolute nightmare.

I felt absolutely used. She expected it because she had children.

Even when I was out of hospital and still bleeding from surgery she insisted (yelled at me even) to get down on the floor to play with her infant - because I wasn’t engaged enough while I was watching him.

She complained that I never did enough, that when I have children that she won’t help me at all. She said I was lazy and yelled constantly that I was doing things wrong.

It was after she threatened to punch me in the face that I decided she wouldn’t have anything to do with my future children.

She was smug and nasty, the more I gave the more she expected.

Even when I told her I was sick she would get shitty. She started wanting me to move my work days around (I’m part-time - not casual and my days are set but I can be somewhat flexible).

I won’t help her out any more.

Too many times she abused me after I’ve done her a favour, the more I helped her the more she expected.

Don’t give them any more money and do not pay for nursery - your brother isn’t even working - they are his children - he can take care of them.

Ah but you’ve given them something

The gift of responsibility

@meccacos2 that sounds awful for you.

DB said he couldn’t Look for a job and look after DC, SIL said I had to bear in mind she needs time to do her coursework too.

What bollix. I know several people who've done degrees while being single parents with young families, including one who did a degree that involved (unpaid) work placements in every long vacation.

Entitled CFs.

PS Yeah your parents are facilitating this situation. Your brother can do childcare when your SIL is at university. The nursery place is an indulgent luxury. I doubt it's a 37.5 hour a week course anyway. The chandelier typo was especially ironic. Maybe they will ask for that next time....

Your parents should have told your brother from an early age that the world doesn’t owe him a living, and what you want and what you get are two different things. It’s what my parents regularly told us and it worked.

It never fails to amaze me what people can convince themselves they're entitled to!