The general public is afraid of disabilities?

[NotANeuroticApple]

I am a wheelchair user. I have various health concerns that mean I am unable to walk long distances and am unsteady on my feet and as such I have to use one to get about safely and within a reasonable timeframe outside.

The general attitude towards people with disabilities is absolutely shocking. If you saw me sat in any other type of chair eg. In a café you'd never know there was anything different about me, I don't "look" disabled and I'm generally well dressed, well spoken etc (not that it should fucking matter!?) I used to be a social worker and although I have had the same health issues for over a decade its only progressed to being unable to work/walk in the last year so I know for sure that the only outward difference between me now and me a year ago is the wheels.

When I'm in my chair I am treated so differently. At best I am treated like a child, at worst its the leery stare of some creepy fucker treating me like a fetish. I am ignored while people talk directly to DH about me, I am moved "out of the way" (I am not a fucking object and I can move my fucking self, thanks.) or reached over in shops (wanna guess how many people drop things in my lap by doing that?! Wanna guess how many people have fallen in my lap doing that?!) The rudeness I get back when I say excuse me as someone is blocking my path and they scream at me about entitlement?! The lack of eye contact, the pity stares, the obvious embarrassment some people have all over their faces when they see me. I could go on for hours... The amount of inconsiderate and even downright disgusting behaviour directed towards me purely because of my chair is abhorrent.

Why is this? Is it really just people being scared of what they don't understand? Honest answers, do disabilities make you uncomfortable? Do you find it difficult to know how to react to disabled people? No judgement here, I really just want to understand where people are coming from because I am not an angry person, I really try to show compassion to everyone I encounter and as I know that society can't change its behaviour overnight so maybe I need to change how I feel about how I am treated and show compassion in the face of ignorance?

I think that people are generally pretty uncomfortable around disabilities. So AIBU?

P.s. I'm a long time lurker since about 2008, I registered today and I'm not writing a bloody article so to anyone who decides I am

I'm a support worker and my clients experience everything you've described and it makes me RAGE. I refuse to answer questions that should be addressed to my clients- my role is to SUPPORT and I try to be as invisible as possible.
I'm not afraid to talk to people with disabilities.
That being said I'm pretty antisocial and don't make eye contact with or chat to strangers if I can help it (it makes me uncomfortable) so I suppose if you noticed me avoiding eye contact you might think I'm rude.

One of my parents worked with people with all kinds of disabilities and I was often there so grew up learning about all the different kinds of disabilities and made many a friend with the children they looked after,
As I grew up I would notice friends, work colleagues and so on treat people with obvious disabilities differently from how they treated other people sometimes I couldn't even put a finger on exactly what it was but yes it would be apparent to me, after afew years of this I approached the topic with my then bf of afew years after seeing him do it one day as to why he did this his response was when he sees someone with a obvious disability he's never really sure what disabilities or diagnosis they have so never knows how to approach them, this bf was a lovely young man with a kind heart and it made me really sad to hear he let his lack of knowledge effect his basic common decency I wouldn't say he was afraid of the person who was disabled he was more afraid of himself doing or saying something wrong is what I came to understand, and soon found a good lot of people felt this way when being honest with me about it
I think it's the same reason with people being over helpful not helpful at all lack of understanding of the disability and afraid of offending
As for children I notice them too and try my best with my own children to teach them common decency to everyone and that everyones different but then we are all the same and everyone has different struggles but there was a time around a year ago Dd2 she would of been around 4 at the time we was all at a swimming pool as a family and a man in his wheelchair came from the changing room and was lowered down into the water and could see the man didn't have his lower limb on one of legs and all my four year old did was stare and then say in pure curiosity that mans not got a leg i made sure to take the opportunity to teach her about people who are born or have amputations and hope she learnt a lot from it

AlternativePerspective I know who you mean. He was a doctor? I'm in the system applying for my 1st guide dog and when I first heard about this man it was when my support worker explained this was NOT the normal daily life for guide dogs and their owner.

People behave very strangely when it comes to disability. I'm not in a wheekchir, though i may end up in one, but I do have a disability.
Went to the post office.last week to tax my car and claim my 50% rebate. The man behind the counter all but refused to serve me, because he didnt think I was disabled 'enough' because I had walked in.
Yes mate I can walk
Today.
Refused to accept my proofs. Said it didnt 'look right to him'. And he seemed really personally affronted about it. Said I needed to go home and get more evidence
I had to go to someone else in the end, who accepted it without a problem
Arsehole

don’t know what the solution is but maybe more awareness is needed particularly from a young age so kids grow up knowing how to address people of all abilities (for a lack of a better word).

Apply some common sense. If you saw a young mum with three toddlers would you ask if she heeded help?

What if someone dropped their shopping?

There is nothing wrong in asking.

I'm a near enough FT wheelchair user too (and my existing powerchair is on its last legs lol so I absolutely sympathise with the need to magic money from thin air for a bit of independence :( ).

Generally I don't experience the amount of problems with people that you do. Please don't take that as me not believing you - I do 100% - I just think there is something about either me or DP (tattoos? Not petite? Slightly less feminine-styled? Who knows) that scares people into not being wankers

The ones that I find the most annoying are those who see me pushing Ds in his chair towards a lift and then run to get there first - normally people pushing prams.

As Ds is getting older I am noticing more and more the patronising tone that people speak to him in.

I do find that most people are polite and helpful though. But he is still young so things could well change as he gets older

There was another thread recently about people pointing and shouting at physically disable/ disfigured people - can’t remember the details even though I posted and a poster (not the op) suggested it was human instinct because of nature and all that. Which was quickly and rightly shouted down as utter bollocks. There is evidence of Stone Age people taking care of disabled people into adulthood, while obviously we don’t know what their attitudes were we can assume they felt they were worth keep alive and as healthy as any one of the time.

I’ll get to my pout. Fear of offending is real but what joe public needs to remember is a disabled person is a person and they deal with disabled people every day without knowing it. And the disabled person is going to be familiar with the interaction if you bugger it up! Ds has had everything from a very soft voice speaking to him like he’s a toddler (despite having normal interactions previous to learning about his disability) to being pulled aside and told why the activity isn’t suitable for him (even though he has been taking part without incident).

And just to add my favourite worst story. A class helper on a trip who gave a chapter and verse to the other helpers about all the courses she had been on so was an excellent helper said to ds “now come on you’ll never learn if I baby you you’ve just had it too easy till now, let’s try and be like everyone else” when he asked for the help he definitely needed. Ds is not the inspirational disabled lad that she was expecting and proceeded to make a huge scene but why should she decide that the best way to help him was to let him fall down.