The general public is afraid of disabilities?

[NotANeuroticApple]

I am a wheelchair user. I have various health concerns that mean I am unable to walk long distances and am unsteady on my feet and as such I have to use one to get about safely and within a reasonable timeframe outside.

The general attitude towards people with disabilities is absolutely shocking. If you saw me sat in any other type of chair eg. In a café you'd never know there was anything different about me, I don't "look" disabled and I'm generally well dressed, well spoken etc (not that it should fucking matter!?) I used to be a social worker and although I have had the same health issues for over a decade its only progressed to being unable to work/walk in the last year so I know for sure that the only outward difference between me now and me a year ago is the wheels.

When I'm in my chair I am treated so differently. At best I am treated like a child, at worst its the leery stare of some creepy fucker treating me like a fetish. I am ignored while people talk directly to DH about me, I am moved "out of the way" (I am not a fucking object and I can move my fucking self, thanks.) or reached over in shops (wanna guess how many people drop things in my lap by doing that?! Wanna guess how many people have fallen in my lap doing that?!) The rudeness I get back when I say excuse me as someone is blocking my path and they scream at me about entitlement?! The lack of eye contact, the pity stares, the obvious embarrassment some people have all over their faces when they see me. I could go on for hours... The amount of inconsiderate and even downright disgusting behaviour directed towards me purely because of my chair is abhorrent.

Why is this? Is it really just people being scared of what they don't understand? Honest answers, do disabilities make you uncomfortable? Do you find it difficult to know how to react to disabled people? No judgement here, I really just want to understand where people are coming from because I am not an angry person, I really try to show compassion to everyone I encounter and as I know that society can't change its behaviour overnight so maybe I need to change how I feel about how I am treated and show compassion in the face of ignorance?

I think that people are generally pretty uncomfortable around disabilities. So AIBU?

P.s. I'm a long time lurker since about 2008, I registered today and I'm not writing a bloody article so to anyone who decides I am

sadly this thread is showing how people view disabilities.
people have to be inspirational and people with LD's are scarey.

I used to work in care and it was really upsetting to see how people in wheelchairs are treated. I think if we all were just courteous to each other full stop regardless of abilities/disabilities the world would be a better place.

I totally get where you're coming from. Slightly different as I'm not in a wheelchair well not yet anyway. Iv got a neurological condition and use a rollator to walk. I also have speech impairment but am understandable.
Been like this for 5 years.

When I go out I just don't feel like a normal person anymore. Some people treat me like I have no brain and are so patronising but it's still me inside. I try to ignore it but it still gets to me.

It's like people just see the disability and not the real person inside. I used to work on a busy ward as a nurse and now get treated like I have no brain. Staff in shops are the worst iv no idea why.

I'm late 40s so get stared at and iv had people approach me when iv parked in a disabled bay telling me its blue badge only.

I think it's fear too of the unknown. People get scared of things that they don't understand.

What I cannot understand is when people treat others who are in wheelchairs/lost a limb/have burns etc as if they are freaks. Anyone can be in accident or do some people just think it wouldn't happen to them or someone they loved?

I think it's a lot fear of the unknown, and a lot have had a bad experience with one or two and applying it to the many.

I've had multiple disabled people be very very rude and entitled for no reason or when I've offered help. One time I was on the bus and a stick user and her friend came on. I was sat in one of the front seats (a disabled/priority) spot to be next to my daughter in her pram. The seat next to me was empty. Cue a tirade of verbal rudeness because how dare I sit there. I was too shocked to respond and just got up and stood by the pram. Really wish I'd responded and commented on how rude she was and how there was still space for her to sit on the spot next to me! And I was pregnant at the time so technically I could use the seat. (If I had been the ablest person and there was no spot left I would've given the seat up, that's how I was brought up).

I've also had a few people who act like I've slapped them for offering help. Can't win! It has put me off offering help I'll be honest.

I'm no stranger to physical disability as a close relative is physically disabled. But I do think the few ruin it for the many.

I have two family members who are disabled. I understand what you mean, truely I do, people can be horrible standing in the way of the wheelchair etc, ignoring you when you say excuse me, in the end I have been known to barge through, but I sometimes think it’s because it’s not the norm for people to use wheelchairs so people just don’t expect to see them, and look at how people are with prams sometimes.

However these times are made up for by those who do care, one man ran out of his shop to help me load the wheelchair in the car, the person who stopped to talk to my family member about his football team, having seen the shirt he was wearing, the nice people who rush to open the door for me. I do think there are more nice people out there that the couple of idiots who just don’t realise.

And as others have said, lots of disabled people I have seen have been rude and entitled in their attitude, and that does upset me as my two family members are just not like that and shouldn’t be tarred with the same brush.

wow some nasty posts here.

a few ruin it for the many?? Rethink that sentence in your head to 'a few black people are criminals so ruin it for all black people'. Is it still ok to say that? Nope. So why is it ok to say about disabled people?

I've actually not had too many bad experiences of people being unkind, just the odd one or two. More problematic for me is the lack of understanding that I might take longer to do things/need help/a ramp etc.

Yep, my stick seems to make me invisible, the amount of people who try to walk through me!
And yes, the pressure to never say how much pain I’m in, to just soldier on bravely gets very tiring. I don’t want to “get angry”, I hate how stroppy I sometimes have to be, it leaves me feeling even more isolated.
Also, because I’m in pain all the time I find myself just focusing on doing what I have to do at that moment to get through it so I’m sure I must just come across as some miserable, unfriendly cow! I’m not, I just have to really concentrate on say - getting the kids across the road to school. So combined with the disgust I think many people feel towards the disabled it makes for a very lonely life.

I’m a part time wheelchair user- mainly a walker/mobility scooter and crutches.

First time I went to my local Tesco express the security guard said nah sorry you can’t come in with that(!!) as I entered- a manager overheard though and immediately gave him a dressing down on the spot. Since then never any issues but it made me feel like I didn’t matter. The scooter for me is a godsend as my legs don’t work like they should.

In my chair I’ve had people move me, blatantly stare and talk about me like I’m invisible, talk to me like I have some special needs or something. I hate it. It’s humiliating and I’ve made it very clear, my body doesn’t work like it should, but my mind and my hearing works just fine!

My walker, people have moved and more recently (totally outing) shouted at me on public transport for using the disabled spot when I needed it (beside a buggy that was already there) and not moving when apparently the space is ‘for wheelchairs and prams’ Not for people ‘like me’.
Like what!? You chose to have a baby, I didn’t choose to be disabled for fucks sake. At the time I was so angry but later I got upset because it’s genuinely how people see me, like I don’t matter.

I have no issues explaining to people why I use whichever mode of mobility aid I’m using on the day, it helps people understand, because I’m young and it seems crazy to some that I have the issues I do- but I massively object to being treated like I don’t matter.

We had a few people at work using wheelchairs and one with walker. I never felt, hopefully never acted, uncomfortable with them.

The only time i was embarrassed was when my 2 year old dc excited shouted and waved at a man in a wheelchair saying how he was like 'thomas'(tank engine) and so great. I wasn't sure how the man would react when i explained and apologised, he did laugh and let dc look at the wheels and chatter to him but he could have been upset and angry at dcs reaction.

My Dad has Huntingtons Disease and used to get stared at a lot due to his movements and scruffiness. People assume he is drunk. I never understood the staters, I always wanted to go up and ask them if their lives were so perfect that they had to take such an interest in someone who’s life clearly wasn’t. I mean some would just constantly stare, for AGES, it was just odd. On the other hand there were strangers who would rush over to help Dad up when he fell over, so it was a mixed bag really.

So, not I'm not afraid of physically disabled people in wheelchairs. I must admit I am probably uncomfortable around those who are physically and mentally handicapped

I may have misunderstood what you mean, and want to understand. I don't understand why you have a discomfort towards those who are physically handicapped but fine with someone in a wheelchair? Or did you mean the discomfort is when the person has physical disabilities AND either mental health conditions or learning difficulties?

It's a huge spectrum though, you can t say all disabled people are the same. I'm not scared of disabled people but I am wary of behaviours that might be triggered, having been on the receiving end at work.

I'm really surprised by the majority of these posts. I have a family member who has recently become disabled, and was initially in a wheelchair. We've not experienced any animosity at all. I would go so far as to say the opposite, that the majority of the general public has been absolutely brilliant. We've also had a blue badge for a couple of years and never experienced anything untoward said to us, even though my family member is no longer a wheelchair user and once out of the car, can walk.

Thing is TabbyMumz, if somebody looks like they’re only temporarily in a wheelchair, they’re treated normally (for want of a better word). My sister broke her ankles fairly frequently, and as soon as she had a cast on her IQ rose at least 30 points .

And all the people saying they’ve met a rude disabled person... so? Of course you have. Because they’re people. Some are nice, some aren’t. You don’t have to be inspirational simply because you happen to be disabled.

All those scared of people with learning disabilities should remember that it is far far more likely for a person who isn't disabled to cause problems for a person with learning disabilities than the other way round.

Matilda....my family member didn't look like they were temporarily in the wheelchair (brain injury). Even now, out of the wheelchair, quite disabled still, but the general public have been great. We've never encountered anything untoward.

If somebody snaps at you for offering help, perhaps they've had an extremely long and painful day and you could have the grace to forgive them.

As an idiotic 21 year old I had collapsed in the street unconscious and vomiting from drinking too much alcohol. A wheelchair user was, apparently an arse because my legs were across the pavement when there was an obvious dropped kerb and empty road and they could have got round and back up onto the pavement without an issue. I can understand why we remember these things but we ought to be intelligent enough not to transfer it to whole groups of people who really do have enough to cope with already.

I work at the hospital. One morning I held the door open for someone in a wheelchair and they said thanks and went through.

Did the same thing that afternoon for someone else in a wheelchair and got 'its my legs that don't work not my fucking arms thanks' in return.

I'm not scared of disabled people, I just really don't want to offend someone. I saw a teenager in a wheelchair the other day with his carer and they had been waiting for patient transport for hours. I walked past and mentioned to the carer 'god you've been waiting for ages' and had a little chat with him. Now i'm worried that i should have directed it to the wheelchair user not the carer but he did look very disabled and i'm not sure he was even verbal. Its a bit of a minefield sometimes.

Coffee if I understand you right you think a wheelchair-user was an arse because they wouldn't go down a dropped kerb into the road and then up again to avoid you? Have you considered whether maybe the dropped kerb was too steep or had a grating in the way or something else that meant that particular user couldn't do what you thought they should?
I find many dropped kerbs not usable but I guess I am the only one who can judge for me.

An ex of mine is a wheelchair user, he had the most gorgeous puppy and when we were out with him everyone wanted to ask to stroke the puppy/ask his name etc and they asked me every single last time, I just kept repeating ‘I don’t know, ask him’.

This is definitely a thing. My dad had a wheelchair for 6 months (until a hip replacement got him mostly up again yay) and it was astonishing how the fact of him sitting in a chair meant everyone spoke to me and ignored him “would he like this?” “Ask him, he’s right there!” Maybe it subconsciously reminds people of buggies? Or something to do with being below eye level? Dunno but wheelchairs definitely make people seem to forget the occupant can hear/speak.