Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

For friend not to visit!

108 replies

MoonlightDancer · 20/09/2019 18:31

Our friend recently invited us to her house visit and catch up...she's been reading A LOT of books on parenting, sleep training, vitamin powders for babies etc...she's a newish mum (1 year old)...so we understand she's wanting to get things 'right'.

When we got there we had to whisper the entire time we were there...when it came to having dinner we had to eat with plastic cutlery so it wouldn't make a noise on the plates and drink out of plastic picnic glasses so we couldn't make a noise when putting it on the table like a glass would...when it came to using the loo it was either the pub down the road or pee outside in the garden in a bucket which we drew the line at and ended the evening to get back to our hotel and use the facilities!

When we met up the next day I apologised we had to go but was bursting for the loo...she said that in her books it mentions about having absolute silence for children to get into a deep sleep in the first hour and they don't wake for hours...her child cannot sleep without the environment being pin drop silent now!

She's messaged saying looking forward to seeing you and staying over with a list of 'rules' that must be adhered to in order for her child to sleep for example unplug landline, phones on silent, no tv etc! We've made it clear that it's impossible and to expect noise etc, doors in and out, doorbell, phones ringing, washer on etc!

We've offered to pay for a hotel which is 15 mins away from us but she's messaged back saying she can't control the noise at a hotel but at mine she can! AIBU to say no to visiting if she won't accept that noise will be in my home! We live 250 miles away so she will be staying for 4 days.

OP posts:
Bunnylady53 · 22/09/2019 08:35

From when DD was a baby we just carried on as normal & she can now sleep through pretty much anything. I never understood parents who tiptoed around because they’d just got the baby down.

PersonaNonGarter · 22/09/2019 08:43

I have children and she is trying to control you and exert influence over your lives. This is not about the baby.

She know perfectly well that other mothers and parents would tell her no. The hotel would tell her no. She is doing this to YOU.

Just delay the trip. Babies don’t stay babies for ever.

Does she have a partner btw? What is his take?

HappyParent2000 · 22/09/2019 08:47

Your home your rules, unless it’s a life and death allergy etc type thing.

We worked hard to ensure your child did not have any sort of crutch for sleeping. Going out of our way to mix things up!

Now he passes out anywhere, anyhow and sleeps through anything...

needsahouseboy · 22/09/2019 09:20

Sod that!! Utterly ridiculous to impose those rules in someone else house. I'm all for being accommodating but that is nuts. Why would you even do that to your child, they are gong too struggle for ever with getting to sleep.

Unknownanon · 22/09/2019 09:26

Sounds like postnatal anxiety to me and the worst thing to do is agree to follow all her rules to alleviate it. It won't. Anxiety doesnt work like that, the more crutches you have the worse it is.

It's fucking crap though. I had it and needed cbt to break said cycles and crutches.

I also suggest sending back the message pp wrote ""We enjoyed spending time with you and adored seeing the baby but the regimes you implement for your little one simply won't work for us and our home. I'm sorry that we can't accommodate you."

You can always follow up with the things you are happy to do, if you are happy to: like no shoes and silent phones. If she follows up with best sleep practices perhaps refer her to alternate ideas?

I found the washing machine great white noise and only had quite for the settling time. That way dc can sleep through us hoovering or doing some DIY!

MoonlightDancer · 14/10/2019 13:19

Update:
Our friend didn't come to stay...she let us know the night before...we didn't hear from her until late that evening so DH and I decided not to lose our money and go instead...very glad we did!! Grin

We spoke to her quite abit in the run up to her coming...it became awkward as we were honest and made it clear that of course we would accommodate her but only if she understood that we wouldn't be changing our routine much! She kept pushing and we kept resisting! She couldn't understand so said I think it would be best if she visited when the baby is a little older which seems to be a better solution all round!

Thanks for all the replies and advice!

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 14/10/2019 13:37

Not entirely sure you'll hear from her again!

MoonlightDancer · 14/10/2019 13:50

We've spoke and texted since and it's been ok...we're going down just before Christmas but meeting with a few other couples and her DH all meeting away from the home...cafes, family friendly restaurants so should be all good! I think it will be a lot easier as she suggested meeting away from her home to everyone!

I'm hoping in a few years we can all look back and laugh!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread