To think getting someone’s name wrong is rude?

[KyraLittle]

So I’m having some meetings with someone at work and this week is the first time we’ve ever met.

She got my name wrong once and I corrected her.

This morning she again called me the wrong name.

My name is not difficult.

My dad had a Christmas card from his boss once addressed to Claude, which is nothing like his real name! I don't think it's especially rude in your case, but I can see that it would be annoying, perhaps she'd tale the hint if you made a little name card or wore a badge?!

Different people have different sorts of memories, I have a superb narrative memory. I have an absolutely crap visual memory. I therefore have a bad memory for names. I cannot make the name attach to the face I cannot remember.

I have a work friend who was on the phone to a guy who got her name wrong and then shortened the wrong name. She still laughs about it and some of us even call her by her new shortened name too

I’m a nightmare for names. I’ve just found out I’ve been calling my neighbour the wrong name for 3 years. He’s never corrected me 🙈

I don’t think it’s rude if it’s a genuine mistake. Someone deliberately calling you a name you don’t like is rude though - like someone calling you your full name when you prefer an abbreviation for example.

I regularly work with someone from outside our organisation, and about 80% of the time he calls me by the name of the woman who was my predecessor, despite the fact that she only worked in the role for 6 months, and left 2 years ago (when I started)! I often wonder what she said or did to him that left such an impression...

Do you think it’s deliberate?

I doubt it is.

I have a common name but its spelling is quite unusual.

I get all sorts so it doesn’t offend me too much. I’ve just become immune to it now.

I also have terrible trouble remembering names and panic about it which makes remembering the correct name even more difficult.

It might not be deliberate but I have an unusual but not different name and there are people who always, without fail, get it wrong. I always correct them...so yes, its rude that it's not important enough to them to make an effort to get it right.

Saying that, I have an acquaintance who will always call me by the Male equivalent...because it's easier. Now that is definitely rude! I've called him up on it so many times but he thinks its hilarious now.

It’s just a name, don’t sweat it

Errrrr, it’s your name.

Would you be cool with everyone else managing to address you correctly bar one person who calls you “Hilary” all the time?

If someone gets it wrong more than a couple of times I find it rude and I’m not an easily offended special snowflake. My name is really pedestrian and as hard to get wrong as “Dave” or “Jim”.

It might not be deliberate but it's still rude and careless. I have a name with two spellings, both mainstream like Clare/Claire. It's written on my email signature, in my email address and I sign of with my name. I still get emails from a couple of people who persistently use the wrong spelling. I write best regards Clare, they respond Hi Claire. Every time. I think they are rude, lazy and unprofessional.

Not my first name (which is very boring) but I had this continually with my maiden name, which was Russian in origin. I spent years being told I was pronouncing my own name wrong and that I was spelling my own name wrong. Teachers at school, colleagues, random people. Did they really think I didn’t know how to spell and pronounce my own surname?

It is like one colleague's name has a curse on it for me or something. She's Virginia, and the number of times I called her Victoria is unforgivable. I am obviously not doing it on purpose, it feels like a mind block, and I am avoiding to mention her name at all now - which is probably even more rude.

I used to be good with names,then menopause hit and it was as if my brain went on strike! Please be aware that it may not be deliberate and be embarassing for her if there's anything like that going on.

Would you be cool with everyone else managing to address you correctly bar one person who calls you “Hilary” all the time?

Umm, yeah actually. There are a couple of colleagues that forever get my name wrong. I just wave it away and tell them to call me Bob (name isn't Bob). I don't take these things personally, life really is too short.

Also, the common names are worst, I find. I keep thinking that's the person's name but then get confused because there's a lot of people I think are called that name and then I chicken out of using it in case I'm just calling everyone Dave. I have three neighbours that I'm pretty sure are called Dave but it worries me that maybe I'm just thinking that because I know one is called Dave and maybe the others are something totally different. When you find these things hard it's a minefield, honestly. I don't send Christmas cards because I'm not sure what people are actually called and it's too late to ask!

I actually dont think it's a big deal.

I have just started a new job. The woman opposite me, who is fab, asked me my name and said 'I an writing it down and sticking it to my screen, because I always get names wrong'.

She still gets it wrong on occasion. I just say 'yeah thata not my name's and she usually says 'ffs sorry. I have written down.'

I have seen her get names wrong for people she has worked with for years.

My entire life people have called me sarah
It's not my name. It doeant even sound like my name. Everyone thinks I look like a sarah. Dont know how that works. Its seems to be the default for me. I dont think people donit our of malice. It's usually because they have loads on their mind get a bit confused and say the wrong name.

I shout my dogs name to my son occassionally.

I do know someone who had a client for 10 years called Knute. She pronounced it k-nut for about 8 years. He never corrected her. Someone just advised he had called (and pronounced it correctly) and she nearly died when she realised it was not pronounced k-nut. He have never corrected her, she had never heard it before so she assumed she had it correct. I presume he got it a lot and just couldnt be arsed correcting her.

But we cant drive past Knutsford without her cringing now.

Unless it’s deliberate, I wouldn’t be offended at all. I forgot names all the time and there is absolutely no malice in it.

You should remember after being advised you have pronounced something incorrectly. Bad manners I agree.

I also think it depends on the connection you have made in you brain.

I got a new colleague. For some reason she got 2 men mixed up. Andrew and Paul. For 2 weeks she though Andrew was Paul and paul was andrew.

It wasnt until someone came in and said 'wheres Andrew?' And she piped up with 'oh he has gone out to pick up the lunch order'

I said 'I thought paul had gone for that' she was confused. It turned our she had the 2 people completely mixed up. But because her brain had made that connection, it took months. She kept calling them by the wrong name the cursing herself.

It definitely wasnt on purpose. She just got 2 people mixed up that she didnt work with that much.

I have a Slav first name that no-one can spell or pronounce. And an English surname that is very uncommon, but is similar to fairly common one. I often get phone calls from people saying “I tried to email you and it bounced back”. Because they have spelled both names wrong.

Madness - I also get asked if I am sure that I am pronouncing my first name correctly.

It can be a power play

You should remember after being advised you have pronounced something incorrectly. Bad manners I agree.

Making a mistake is not bad manners. If it was most people would be displaying bad manner everyday. Not just because of names but because we all make mistakes. Even if we have been told. Mistakes still happen.

Ita rude if its intentional. Some people really struggle as well. Especially those with face blindness.

I used to regularly stay in a B&B and became friendly with the owner.

Every time she saw me she would say 'Aaah Margaret, how lovely to see you'

I told her many times that my name is not Margaret or, indeed, remotely like Margaret. She would squint at me, step back, throw up her hands (she is Italian) and retort ' But you look like a Margaret!' This went on for 15 years! I never gave up, and neither did she ;)

Happens to me too MrsSchadenfreude. German first and last name. I tell people now that I will email them first so they can just reply to that. You wouldn't believe in how many ways people can misspell a four letter last name.

I have a traditional but rare Scandinavian name that is spelt exactly the same as a common English word (also a first name) but has accents that completely change how it sounds. The bloody government don't allow accented characters so for all intents and purposes my name is "Common English Word" as that's what is says on all my ID (except my birh cert!!) This makes it basically pointless to correct anyone, DH and friends all call me by my actual name and I introduce myself that way but inevitably the majority of people I interact with call me the wrong name. It sucks.