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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think dummies should not be taken to school pick up!

110 replies

friedeggsandbeans · 20/09/2019 10:33

Just that really, Mum at school picks her DS up from school, he's just started so 4 or 5 years old, and gives him his dummy, so he is running around the playground, with his friends, with a dummy in his mouth. Absolutely nothing to do with me, but why? why would you do that?

OP posts:

Tinyandpetite · 20/09/2019 18:57

It’s none of your business. Leave well alone

Josephinebettany · 20/09/2019 21:16

@friedeggsandbeans
No doesn’t matter at all. Shouldn’t of asked, shouldn’t of noticed. Should keep my nose out. Message received. Thanks

You're welcome. At least some good has come out of it

HoppingPavlova · 21/09/2019 01:06

That moment of transition where they first come out of school is a flashpoint for many children, particularly for children with SN, and waiting until they get home can be much too long. Google after-school restraint collapse and coke bottle analogy.

Don’t have to Google, know it well thanks. I have one who has ASD and yes, I remember the trauma of school but even so we did have rules. Mine would have absolutely loved their comfort toy as soon as they stepped out of the classroom. However, that would have opened them up to (even more) ridicule so they had to wait until they got to the car. Same as in morning, toy was left in the car not taken on walk into classroom. Sure, it would have made their life so much easier on occasion to have it with them but on the other hand harder as it would have been yet another thing to mark them as different in the mind of peers.

Marshmallow91 · 21/09/2019 01:46

Absolutely none of your business. You need to focus on your own journey through life, and butt out of things that won't harm, or affect you in any way.

Venger · 21/09/2019 10:09

Mine would have absolutely loved their comfort toy as soon as they stepped out of the classroom. However, that would have opened them up to (even more) ridicule so they had to wait until they got to the car.

That was your rule and that's fine, your child your choice, but other people won't necessarily want to or be able to follow that.

MrsKoala · 22/09/2019 16:05

Waiting till you get to the car is one thing, but the longer walk home for us would have been impossible without ds2 having a dummy. I couldn’t have pushed the buggy for my younger dd or supervised my ds1 on the main road with ds2 having a full lay on the floor screaming, kicking and punching me meltdown.

MrsKoala · 22/09/2019 16:09

...and if you think parents are judging you for having a 4 year old with a dummy, then they sure as shit are when your 4 year old is attacking you and laying on the floor screaming.

FrauHaribo · 22/09/2019 16:16

of course they judge, but after reading so many posters stating that "it's normal children behaviour" and "kids will be kids" you can understand why

bluebluezoo · 22/09/2019 16:19

My child is 14 but functionally about 2 years old. I wouldn't want him to have a dummy. If a school aged child has a dummy I would be working on introducing alternatives unless it is likely they will be giving it up themselves

Why, out of interest?

If it genuinely comforts them then why deprive them of it? I am referring to SN cases, i agree with otherwise physically and emotionally healthy children.

I believe though that the sucking reflex is lost at around 8 years old, so after that age most will give up naturally as it doesn’t bring the same comfort.

Interestingly, while I was a school it briefly became “cool” for 15/16 year olds to have a dummy. Started by the childcare students, it was not unusual to see people wandering round with a dummy in their mouth...

Venger · 22/09/2019 16:25

...and if you think parents are judging you for having a 4 year old with a dummy, then they sure as shit are when your 4 year old is attacking you and laying on the floor screaming.

I remember DS had a meltdown on the yard after school one day, I was nearly 9m pregnant so in composition to heft him over my shoulder and bundle him to the car. School finished at 3pm and we were still there at 3.45pm, at one point I turned around and there were five members of school staff standing at the window watching and smirking but not one fucker asked if we needed any help.

of course they judge, but after reading so many posters stating that "it's normal children behaviour" and "kids will be kids" you can understand why

This makes no sense. If people/society considered it normal then they wouldn't judge, it's because it's not normal for NT children that people judge because NT is considered the default and they automatically assume they're seeing a naughty child/ineffective parenting rather than a child in a heightened emotional state.

From other threads I've seen this weekend, you are one of the people who judge.

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