to think dummies should not be taken to school pick up!

[friedeggsandbeans]

Just that really, Mum at school picks her DS up from school, he's just started so 4 or 5 years old, and gives him his dummy, so he is running around the playground, with his friends, with a dummy in his mouth. Absolutely nothing to do with me, but why? why would you do that?

Too old for a dummy but not your business judgy pants!

Can't see a problem with it. I'd prefer a child with a dummy to one with a 'blankie'. I had a lot less trouble weaning my children off dummies than friends had weaning theirs off comfort blankets and comfort toys.

I'm not judging. A dummy wouldn't have been safe for my child because he would have bitten parts of it off and swallowed them. This would be true of most children once they get adult teeth. There is difference between a child having a dummy a bit later than others and those who will always have a need for something in their mouths. For the second group it is wise to start looking for alternatives before dummies risk being unsafe. Of course there will be a few in the second group for whom dummies are the only realistic option.

If the child can go to school all day he doesn't need a dummy in the playground. I got rid of dummies at 18 months but can appreciate an older child who is anxious may be reliant. I would explain it's a private thing though as the risk of teasing is huge.

I had a lot less trouble weaning my children off dummies than friends had weaning theirs off comfort blankets and comfort toys.

Don't. We are still tied to the curse of the Blankie. And my daughter is in Year 3. But, at least I don't have to worry about people posting about me on parenting forums. Funny how some behaviours that are perceived to be age-inappropriate provoke more judgement than others!

Good grief, some people have zero self respect, I expect they go down to the shops in a onesie and slippers too.
Maybe I'll take a dummy to work and see how well it goes down after all it's noone elses business right?

Far better to have a dummy then get bad habits for life through snacking at a similar time.

Funny how some behaviours that are perceived to be age-inappropriate provoke more judgement than others!

Yes 😂 At four my eldest had three dummies on a ribbon pinned to her cardie IIRC. She found them tucked somewhere when she was about six and had a tentative taste, to see if they were still as delicious as ever, and went 'bleurgh, disgusting'. Children forget about them as they get more active.

My 4 year old still drinks from a bottle, countless of professionals have tried to get him of it.
It has to be the same drink from the same bottle (can not change anything).
He had not drank for 2 days before (had to syringe drink into him because either we lost his bottle and then found it or we have tried to take him of it).
He is under the paediatrician and has some sort of sen (sensory,Autsim awaiting diagnosis.
Do you think I really want to be carrying a bottle around with a big bottle of the only drink he will drink if we are out!
The stares we get and I know esp as he is very tall for his age, I get judge all the time but it's this or he will become seriously dehydrated.

Maybe I'll take a dummy to work and see how well it goes down after all it's noone elses business right?

Why would an adult do that? In what way does it relate to a child wanting comfort? I've seen children twisting their hair, pulling out strands and chewing on them, chewing their nails, sucking their thumbs, all sorts of bad habits that could have been avoided by having a dummy to assuage their discomfort. It helps with separation anxiety.

I agree that it's weird af but just keep out of it. Concentrate on your own kids and let them get on with it.

@Areyoufree - a friend had this problem, as far as I can remember she cut the blankie in half so she could wash half at a time, then she started snipping strips off it, it gradually got smaller and less comforting, finally disappeared altogether. Took awhile...

It’s so hard though because while a dummy at 4 in school isn’t ideal, there will be loads of kids sucking their thumbs or chewing their sleeves. There isn’t the same vitriol towards thumbs as dummies but they provide the same function.

I look at DS's classmates and they're tiny, in a lot of places they'd still be at nursery.

Not sure what the issue is with transitional toys, though we have one and it's not exactly bothersome, just stressful on the very rare occasion it leaves the house. And it looks like it's about to wake up and murder you in your sleep à la Chucky, but there's no accounting for taste .

Presumably it's going to be just while they're adjusting to school.

I wouldn't do it, but I wouldn't judge a parent who found that helped with the after-school adrenalin drop to get them home without upset.

A bit like people here have hysterics if you've still got a 2yo in a buggy. Here, we have a 20 minute walk from the infant to the junior school. A number of people pop their new reception starter into the buggy to go to do the pick up from juniors. It rarely lasts past half term, and I've never seen it last into the summer term; to my mind it's better than ending up driving because the child's too tired.

And some children do need a little bit of comfort at the end of the day. My ds still gives his special toy a hug at the end of a hard day when he gets home-that's how I know it's been a bad day. He's at secondary. If it brings him comfort and doesn't impact others, then what's the problem?

So do adults Juells, I have seen many grown women (mostly) at work doing exactly that, one of my old colleagues used to suck her thumb all day at work and twiddle lengths of hair.
As parents it's up to us to make sure our children are happy and confident human beings ready to face the world and do what they need to do without needing constant comforting.
This type of behaviour often means the child has low self esteem and is unable to face the world i.e school without a comforter or is not given enough of the right attention from their parents and so turns to comforters all the time.
So many kids shoved into pushchairs with a dummy to shut them up when we should be reading/playing with them or encouraging activities to keep them occupied.
I think it is lazy inattentive parenting.
But that's just my opinion.

I wouldn't assume anything , when ds2_had just started reception at his( special) school I was in asda and I saw a mother pushing a child in the trolley the child was five/ six and had a dummy , in my head I thought she's too old for a dummy and then she waved and said hello to my son and said his name she goes to his school,as it it's a school.for children with complex learning disabilities , and or severe autism then she must also have complex needs.

I really meant other countries rather than just vaguely places.

Better than sucking a thumb at 40 like many people do.

And tbh I sucked my thumb until I was nine I have no additional needs , at least you can throw away a dummy at some point you can't throw away a thumb

I'd prefer a child with a dummy to one with a 'blankie'.

At least if they're holding a comfort blanket they can still have a conversation with their friends while they're doing it. If they've got a dummy in their mouth in the playground, as the OP described, they're not able to talk with other children.

I think there is a world of difference between letting a kid have a dummy in bed or when curled up at home listening to story or when in the car or whatever, and letting them have one in the school playground or other social situations. And if the child has managed all day at school with his friends without a dummy in his mouth, he can manage another half an hour until they get home.

Yabu. It's not something I have done with any of mine but you don't know the back story and judging other parents isn't helpful to anyone.

@zxcvhjkl totally get this. My 11 year old has refused to wear ear defenders from when he was about 7 thanks to people judging him. He also refuses to use his wheelchair unless he is really desperate and would rather be half carried by me than be seen in his chair.

I am surprised you would introduce it to a new routine, eg could have at home. If his coped all day without it then why does he need it when his mum arrives?

Why is there a defined cut off age for something most children (severe reflux or Sen aside) don't need? After which it is ok to judge, yet if I judged a 12 month old with a dummy or a two year old with a dummy I'd get shot down in flames. Same with blankies etc. When DS was really tiny and I was getting very broken sleep so many people told me to just give him a dummy and judged me when I wouldn't, a few weeks of sleepless nights with a 3 month old is preferable to the countless threads I see on here about getting toddlers and older to sleep without them. It's just pushing a problem further down the line. NHS advice is to remove them at six to twelve months, and discourages their use at all pay babbling age, but plenty on here would argue otherwise. You've all decided what the right age for a dummy is for your children, let this woman decide for hers.

some parents can't accept their kids grow up, some parents are just lazy, what can you do 🤷

It's very sad that it's the child who will suffer from it, but some parents don't care.