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AIBU?

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Original poster

How would you feel if you received this email?

544 replies

SamCam349 · 20/09/2019 00:49

Is this (below) a nice email to receive? What would you think of the sender who wrote it??

‘I will reluctantly speak to you next Tuesday to attempt to address your discriminatory actions. As I mentioned last week, I, personally, do not consider you to be that important, and I would not be entertaining this call were your manager not also be participating.’

OP posts:
GladAllOver · 20/09/2019 09:40

Don't be surprised if the person who received it leaves the organisation and claims constructive dismissal.

ShirleyPhallus · 20/09/2019 09:41

Literally what is the point in this thread Confused

ptumbi · 20/09/2019 09:42

I read 'I reluctantly have to speak to you' and thought 'the sender is put in a position of not wanting to speak about the disciplinary, but has to to follow Rules, but I then read the rest and it's clear that the sender is reluctant to talk. Full Stop. Like the recipient is of no importance, and indeed the sender says so later on.

The Sender is rude, arrogant and ignorant (of Grammar, at the very least) and to put it in writing is outstandingly stupid.

Some more info would be nice.

HeronLanyon · 20/09/2019 09:42

Whoever sent this email (I think it is still a bit unclear although looks as though perhaps you sent it op?) -
Poorly written - grammar all over the place. Looks carelessly written.
Rude - and personally rude. Whoever is alleged to have discriminated doesn’t matter on this. If there is a disciplinary meeting it’s essential that neither party stoops to this kind of angry/petty/rude behaviour. It won’t help whoever sent it. It will harm their position.
If you are in a union I strongly suggest you get some advice and don’t engage the other person at all before the meeting.
Frankly it reads as though a really important issue - discrimination in the workplace - has descended to childish, harmful, catty levels. Really harmful no matter who sent it nor whether they are the alleged discriminator or discriminatee.

Anothernotherone · 20/09/2019 09:43

What's the betting the OP didn't invite the email sender to after work drinks with a few work friends and the email sender has decided to make a complaint about the OP discriminating against him for being a man when it's an all female group, or her for having a different accent or being older or younger than the group who are going for drinks, or something.

I'd bet it's some near bon issue - the concern with niceness makes me think there's been some spat over whether or not the two parties are "nice" and "kind" people, rather than genuine discrimination along the lines of passing someone over for promotion, paying them less or missing them off essential work emails/ excluding them from team meetings because they're gay or of Indian descent or a woman.

Apolloanddaphne · 20/09/2019 09:44

Your e mail was rude and unprofessional.

Blahblahblahnanana · 20/09/2019 09:44

I am on the train, on my way to work. I guess a steep glass of red would be in order this morning!!!!

I’d take a brolly too. The 💩 will hit the fan this morning op...

If you were the sender of the email, it’s ok to think those things, however it’s certainly not ok to write them down. The other party can use the email as evidence, and support their claim that they are being discriminated against.

Juells · 20/09/2019 09:45

I guess we'll never know whether the OP was the sender or the recipient of the email. I'm leaning towards 'sender'.

Neither option reflects well on the OP, unfortunately :( If she's the sender, she's being nasty, and if she's the recipient she's been discriminatory enough for a manager to be involved.

LaurieMarlow · 20/09/2019 09:48

Having been on the fence, I now think the OP sent it.

She specifically asks in the OP what you’d think of the sender.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 20/09/2019 09:48

10 pages in and no explanation.
Think you're wasting your time here folks, it's all about the drama here for the OP, who whether recipient or sender doesn't appear to be pleasant character.

HeronLanyon · 20/09/2019 09:51

ihope and others - I agree. The tone of the email fits with the op’s posts and behaviour on the thread. Tipping strongly for me that s/he sent it.

altiara · 20/09/2019 09:53

If I received it, I’d think it was very unprofessional and the writer thinks a lot of themself.

ISmellBabies · 20/09/2019 09:54

Op why the fuck won't you just tell everyone what's going on? This is so weird.
Anyway, I'm off to start a thread asking if people think dog shit tastes nice and then conclude that I have unusual taste without elaborating.

alwaysmovingforwards · 20/09/2019 09:54

Whoever sent it lacks basic intelligence, has poor grammar and will find themselves in a disciplinary process if the receiver pushes it that way IMO.

FizzyGreenWater · 20/09/2019 09:56

You shouldn't have sent that email OP, it's made you look like a pompous insecure arse... as has this thread!

NewFoneWhoDis · 20/09/2019 09:57

If you sent that to a subordinate whatever grievance they have has just been exacerbated by your unprofessional tone and personal comments.

Basically you've handed them additional ammunition on a plate to go "see? I AM being discriminated against!"
Good luck with that.

Vanhi · 20/09/2019 09:59

I am intrigued as to why people think an email to someone who is discriminating against the sender needs to be "nice"?

It doesn't need to be nice. It needs to be professional and neutral. I've worked with someone who was a manipulative bully, possibly with narc tendencies. She was clever and made sure she was only bullying and aggressive with no witnesses, or none that would be believed or could be traced. This meant that when I went to management with a complaint, they felt that they had to approach the situation neutrally. They had to go into it trying to establish the facts, and that meant not automatically assuming I was telling the truth.

Now I felt like telling the bullying, narcissistic twat who was making my life a misery exactly what I thought of her. I'd gone way beyond nice. In decades of working I'd never come across someone so brutally unpleasant, aggressive and manipulative. But, if I'd sent a rude email to her, I would have given her an evidence trail against me. It's not about being nice - it's about being clever. Don't leave any evidence that could be used against you, because it's a fair bet they will have left very little against them.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 20/09/2019 10:00

In the scenario suggested you wouldn't expect them to be "nice"

Maybe not, but the writer might have done their cause more good by keeping it professional - or at least checking that it made sense before hitting "send"

IME rudeness rarely gets anyone very far

CarrotVan · 20/09/2019 10:01

‘I will reluctantly speak to you next Tuesday to attempt to address your discriminatory actions. As I mentioned last week, I, personally, do not consider you to be that important, and I would not be entertaining this call were your manager not also be participating’

—————

Further to our conversation about ABC on x date I have arranged for us to meet on y date/time with your manager.

This meeting does/doesn’t form part of the formal disciplinary process. As such you are/aren’t entitled to bring a supporting colleague or union representative.

The purpose of the meeting is to resolve the issues of ABC/agree a training plan in relation to ABC/whatever else you need to cover.

Please confirm whether you will/won’t attend this meeting by close of business on Friday

(Provide links to any formal procedure documents that are relevant)

TheCatsACunt · 20/09/2019 10:08

If you’re the sender, talk to us and we’ll try and help you through this. Without knowing the full context, it could be a case that you’re at the end of your tether and lashed out. There can be a way back from this, but it’s difficult.
Absolutely, it’s a nasty email, but very difficult to conclude without a lot more information and context.

If you’re the recipient, depending on previous conversations/correspondence from the sender, you may find that you can raise this as a bullying case. Have a look at your company's Dignity at Work and Grievance policies.

That said, if you are the recipient, I’d be more concerned about the allegation of discrimination. Is this grounded?

TommyShelby · 20/09/2019 10:14

without doubt that email was nasty and I probably wouldn’t have a job left it I had sent it.

HeronLanyon · 20/09/2019 10:16

I would be professionally disciplined /disbarred if I had sent this in any capacity, in any circumstance, to anyone.

GrapefruitGin · 20/09/2019 10:16

Someone hand me the popcorn...

LaPeste · 20/09/2019 10:16

I think some people are being a little unfair on the OP - the OP wanted to know if the email was rude or not - and she got her answer. It is rude. Whether she was the sender or the recipient is irrelevant, and she doesn't owe us the full back story.

Benefitofthedoubt · 20/09/2019 10:18

My take..

The OP was called, amongst other things, a piece of shit by someone at work.

She sent the email in disgust when it was suggested by discriminatory person’s manager that they should talk about it.

She has had feedback saying email is OTT.

She posts here to see what others think.

For those saying that whatever was said that was discriminatory doesn’t warrant that level of nasty in an email, don’t be silly. I could think of a 100 thinks that would anger someone so much they would send an email like that and it be deserved.

It all depends on what the other person said.