To think raising a child was much easier for previous generations?

[wondering7777]

For my parents and certainly my grandparents’ generation, bringing up children must have been so much easier.

Mortgages were a hell of a lot cheaper for starters, but now the average home costs something like ten times the average salary. As a result, in most cases both parents have to go out to work whether they want to or not, and pay extortionate childcare costs to keep a roof over their heads. In the “old days” mothers were far more likely to be able to take time off work and the family could pay the mortgage on one salary.

In addition, my grandparents’ generation were much more likely to have family living nearby and a more close-knit community to help raise the child.

Judging from what I read on Mumsnet, there’s also a lot of competitive parenting these days, and a lot of parents feel they have to put their child at the centre of their universe, which causes stress. Children from my grandparents’ era were left to their own devices and would play out for hours.

There was no technology then so no angst about children accessing the internet and the reams of inappropriate content that is readily available at the click of a button.

Uni was free so parents didn’t have to save up to send those kids who did go, and jobs were far more readily available when children left school.

Also, the cartoons were better

AIBU?

I prefer my life to my grandmas but I would say I’m pretty similar to my mother she went back to work when I was 6 weeks old she had a professional job but still cleaned pub toilets at 5am for extra money to do things with us which I still think is one of the biggest things I admire about her! However I think there is so much more judgement on your parenting these days my mum and grandma never felt judged in how they raised their children. So in a nutshell it would of been nicer to parent in my mother’s era than my grandmas as she does everything I do but minus the judgement.

Fancy a return to the interest rates back then?

Or how about mid-70s inflation rates which went to over 24%

Home ownership was only for a much narrower group in the population, and even those who did buy had to meet much stricter criteria (size of deposit, references, job security, low multiple of salary) so IIRC, the avarage age of first purchase was not that different to now. It went lowere in late 80s and again in the 00s, but I think they were the anomalies - deliberately stimulated 'boom' which has had lasting and unfortunate consequences

The only thing I agree with is the high housing prices. It forces two parents to work every hour and more and more children are being raised by institutions.

There is zero work life balance for some people and I believe it does contribute to the break down of family life.

Bollocks for almost all people. Unless you were middle class.
My parents and grandparents.
Parents. Born and lived in a very poor part of London. My dad had an incredibly hard childhood caused by hid fathers untreated mh. His mum died of cancer and his younger sister died before she was 20 from a congenital condition now curable.
My dps married young and were faced with a housing crisis. Almost impossible to find somewhere to live in the 1960s in London. They had 3 small children. My mum looked after the 3 of us whilst spending every evening typing.they saved up a deposit of 1000 quid to buy a new house on an estate outside London. But my mum had to work to meet the rising payments. No such thing as child care so we were left to fend for ourselves from a young age during holidays.
Interest rates of 11 percent.

Yanbu op, my parents and their parents were ALOT more hands off!

I don't think I personally have it harder than my parents. We both have good jobs etc. But am a bit about not having 'luxuries' in the 80s. We had 2 cars, went on holiday, had larger house than I do now, whatever we wanted really. We didn't have things that weren't invented like iPhones etc but the same is true now and you hardly miss what doesn't exist. DH's experience is similar. I am happy with my life, but my DM would have said the same. Ultimately you make what you can from life surely? Clothes were more expensive but I don't buy more because of that, I just spend less comparatively.

I always 🙄 a bit when people start trotting out 15% mortgages, that was a short period of time and while it was stressful at the time for many and some lost houses renting on short term contracts where the landlord can raise the rent/ Chuck you out whenever they want with notice is truly shit.

And there is no doubt my mother had a lot less than me as a child, DF came from a reasonably well off family though and they had holidays etc (although less choice clearly) in the 50s.

*Employers were perfectly entitled to discriminate against women.

Not in the 1980s
Equal Pay Act 1970
Sex discrimination Act 1975*

You could have fooled me.

I was being paid less than the 18 year old boy who couldn’t do the job because, quote from manager,

“He is a man and he will need to look after a family one day”

1987. Don’t believe anyone that tells you that sex discrimination and equal pay laws meant that everyone started to be paid the same.

I would have sued but like everything back then, there was no way of knowing what to do if you found yourself in that position.

Solicitors in the area only seem to deal with conveyancing, divorce and criminal stuff.

If I had an era of when to be born I think post internet would be my choice.

Life was very very hard. Extended Immigrant family, we are a mix of nationalitys so some passed as white, some didn’t so we had to adhere to the No Blacks sign.
We lived (8 adults, 2 children) in a 2bed 1 boxroom council house with no plaster on the walls.
The pointing between the brick work would occasionally fall out and we would pack it with a torn up newspaper, flour and water mixture.

Single cold tap in the kitchen with a butler sink balanced on uncemented together bricks, an outside toilet and the only source of heat in the house, a range that required coal and wood which at times we couldn’t afford. 1 bath per week in a tin bath on a Sunday night.
No privacy, no bed, I slept on the sofa.

I know other children weren’t raised like I was but the ones in my heighbourhood had similar lives to us. We were not out of the ordinary.

Also some of the basics that are cheap now were more expensive then eg kids clothes they were also far better made, and most people had the skills to make their own. There’s not really going to be any ‘vintage’ clothes from this era in a few decades time because it’s all so cheaply made it just falls apart after a while.

I think there was probably a lot less pressure/judgement on parents. I don’t think this necessarily worked in the children’s favour though. When my grandmother had her children she said it was normal to breastfeed on a schedule, then leave baby in it’s cot in between while housework was done - there was no such thing as baby groups or special baby activities or even just sitting there cuddling your newborn, women at home were busy - if baby cried it cried, if toddler was bored he was bored and it wasn’t a big deal. I think nowadays we are more anxious about children being entertained and happy - not a bad thing obviously, but it can come at the parent’s expense in terms of being worn out and under pressure.

I think it makes a difference where you lived in the rose tinted olden days.

The 1980s where I grew up were fucking horrific. There was NO work for men or women. People moved down South in their droves or left for Canada/Australia etc.

If you were middle class in the South East of England it might have been better.
Besides which there was a serious housing shortage all over the Uk well into the 1970s.

I kind of see where you’re coming from. But I’d say the difference was things were simpler back then. And simpler and easier are two very different things.

There is no way they had it easier. This confirms my belief that young people of today are the snowflake generation

Given the torrent of constant moaning about absolutely everything from people in their 50s and beyond i.e. this thread - i'd take issue at that generalisation.

It was two teenage girls that rescued a man and his child drowning in Scotland and adults that stood by.... snowflakes my arse!

I'm in my fifties with a Y8 child. Everyone thinks it was easier for parents before they were parents.
Different challenges. That's all.

Maternal and child mortality rates were far higher in the past. Every time a woman went into labour her family wondered if she and the baby would come out alive. DC1 was breech and I enjoyed the wonders of modern medicine to have a planned c-section with a relatively small scar. I've seen what c-sections of the past looked like and I am very grateful to be a mother now.

My grandmother left school at 14 because there were no other options. The idea of a working class girl from a small village in the 1930s having a career or even staying on at school long enough for university to be an option was laughable. She worked most of her life in badly paid service jobs and it was only in middle age that she got to make some choices for herself and find out what life could be like outside her tiny restrictive bubble. Lots of her close relatives died young due to preventable diseases and industrial/agricultural accidents.

So no, I don't think "the olden days" was some kind of utopia. I like having a degree and a career and being able to access healthcare and most importantly choices about how I live.

OP, I understand you're feeling frustrated by social media/the internet, but I think you're being a bit rose-tinted glasses about the past. Lots of people have already mentioned how many labour-saving devices make women's lives less tedious, and less physically difficult! Most essentials are now MUCH cheaper - food and clothes.

Yes, the cost of childcare is a bit of a killer. It isn't for very long, and if possible you save for it before you have kids, because it's something you know about and can prepare for. Obviously not everyone can/does, but it isn't all that long before they go to school.

There are some things in your post that YOU have control over if you think about it and make a plan.

Your children can still play outside! In most of the country, outside is still a perfectly safe place. Children need to be old enough to be sensible, and must stay in groups, but there are plenty of safe places that you can take your children to so they can have some independence. It just needs some thought on your part to find those opportunities. Maybe in your case that involves dropping them off somewhere, or waiting with them till a bus comes, I don't know your area, but the whole world isn't a horrifically dangerous place where children can't be without an adult.

Screen time/internet access - also in your control to some extent. I doubt you'd have any luck keeping them away from it entirely (I'm a teacher and we set homework online, so I know pupils will insist on screentime) and you wouldn't want to as that won't help them to develop their own coping mechanisms. But YOU set the tone in your house. Don't have screens upstairs - that has to apply to you too. No phones at the table etc. That inappropriate comment at the click of a button? Not a problem if there's no button. I'm horrified by how I see young kids with their own phones and extremely poor social skills. What did we used to do on long car journeys without screens? Read a book! Sing songs! Plan to stop at lots of service stations and go to the playground. it takes more effort to parent without screens, but these are habits and routines that you can build if you want to.

I do think it's a real shame that communities seem less tight knit and less involved. But I think that all comes from children/parents spending less time getting involved themselves. Depending on how old your kids are, there are often many things they can do in the community. I consider myself incredibly lucky that there are children's centres near me that are still open.

I agree with you OP, for what it's worth.. People are clearly not happier now despite all the advances in technology and home comforts..

70s - I remember my mum doing the washing in a twin-tub, then lugging it dripping wet to a rickety spin-dryer, then putting it, still very wet, on the line.

We were without a TV for about a year when one broke as my parents couldn't afford to replace it - all 'tech' was much more expensive relative to income back then.

We had a party-line phone shared with the people over the road, so if they were using it, we had to wait.

No freezer, just the ice box in the fridge.

My dad had a very good job - we were by no means poor - all those things were normal back then.

I could go on ...

EdithWeston
Thanks for equating the purchases to today’s money. 👍

£10 ie £48 was for a child’s pair of jeans btw. I know ones from M&S would have possibly been a little less. Not much though. The point is, it is possible today to buy 12 yo jeans for around £10, even less in the sale.

£1900 wow. Out of most people’s price range methinks. Today you could buy a car for that.

1987. Don’t believe anyone that tells you that sex discrimination and equal pay laws meant that everyone started to be paid the same.

I would have sued but like everything back then, there was no way of knowing what to do if you found yourself in that position.

Yeah but things aren't exactly that clear cut in 2019 either, the improvement is a rather slow process with a limit to what individuals can actually do about it.

The point is employers weren't entitled to do it in the 80s.

Disagree with the middle class comments.
My parents were born in the early 1950s. Their parents were poor farmers (smallholders) with no money and they'd left school at 14.

My parents both went to school, passed the 11+,went to grammar school then got a free university education with maintenance grants covering the cost of living.

Qualified and got professional jobs. Bought a house in their early 20s. On the property ladder, upsized several times. Mum always worked part-time. 1980s - all mod cons at home such as dishwasher and washing machine.

The only downside I can see is her maternity leave was 4 months. But she got a childminder cheaply and easily who came to our house to look after us.

As children we played outside, roamed and explored and adults didn't fret. Saw our cousins and wider family every weekend. No Internet or worries about social media, bullying, self-esteem issues.

Women automatically becoming SAHM at the point of marriage/children is a bit of a myth. There will be some women who this applied to but generally it was only for those who could afford it or who had no other choice and throughout most of history women - particularly in the lower classes - continued to work even after marriage and motherhood because it was work or starve.

Every generation has had it's good points and bad points but I definitely like loving and raising children now rather than back then. Children still play out here, its expected that they'll walk themselves to/from school from year four (age 8-9) and f not then certainly by year five (age 9-10). Screen time can be controlled but I think it is amazing they have we have so much knowledge right there at our fingertips, DS was asking me about ferrets this morning and I was able to show him pictures and videos then leave him reading an article about them while I had a shower and got dressed.

I think every generations faces different challenges.

In the 70s and 80s my mother had to contend with no dishwasher, or even washing machine at times, no central heating, no double glazing, Terry nappies to wash. Lugging giant sacks of potatoes on the bus and scrubbing them clean to make chips or mash. No internet to go to for advice or someone to talk to, no mobile phone. No takeaway or drive through McDonald's if she couldn't be bothered to cook. We were very poor too despite cheaper housing.

We are very pampered these days by comparison, but there are different challenges and what I do think is being so pampered we've lost our ability to just get on with things.

@TheJoxter
Yes kids clothes may have been better made and therefore more expensive. They were still worn til they fell apart because kids had one or two sets of uniform clothes. Possibly 2 shirts and the rest just one. Then one or two play outfits. Sunday best if it was afforded. One pair of shoes. That’s that. Women knitted. Children wore scratchy knitted vests to keep warm.

No way was it. Domestic abuse was rife and to be expected. Far less mod cons available.
Clothes were actually more expensive back then which both my parents frequently remark upon. Having a car each was unheard. It was expected the mum would stay at home and if she was to work it would be a lesser unimportant job.
I think we should realise how good we actually have it