To think raising a child was much easier for previous generations?

[wondering7777]

For my parents and certainly my grandparents’ generation, bringing up children must have been so much easier.

Mortgages were a hell of a lot cheaper for starters, but now the average home costs something like ten times the average salary. As a result, in most cases both parents have to go out to work whether they want to or not, and pay extortionate childcare costs to keep a roof over their heads. In the “old days” mothers were far more likely to be able to take time off work and the family could pay the mortgage on one salary.

In addition, my grandparents’ generation were much more likely to have family living nearby and a more close-knit community to help raise the child.

Judging from what I read on Mumsnet, there’s also a lot of competitive parenting these days, and a lot of parents feel they have to put their child at the centre of their universe, which causes stress. Children from my grandparents’ era were left to their own devices and would play out for hours.

There was no technology then so no angst about children accessing the internet and the reams of inappropriate content that is readily available at the click of a button.

Uni was free so parents didn’t have to save up to send those kids who did go, and jobs were far more readily available when children left school.

Also, the cartoons were better

AIBU?

My Grandparents were very working class, they got married in 1950 and moved into a council house in 1952. In those days the people that lived in council houses were varied, you had lorry drivers, bank managers, office workers, engineers all living on the estate and proud to have been given a council house.
My Granddad delivered bread for living in a Lorry. He was up early and home by lunchtime when he would have the main meal of the day. My Nan didn't have to work but used to do some work for 'pin money' as they then called it, she was involved in Wedding catering in a time when it was just a cold buffet. All the money from this was her own. They had two children. In the 1980's they were given the right to buy their council houses which they did. A few years later they decided they would sell it and moved to a new build bungalow where they lived until they died.
They were both working class, living in the South East. When the bungalow was sold in 2004 it was worth around £200,000. Not bad considering they paid peanuts for their council house.
I don't think there are many young people today who could to the jobs that my Grandparents did and have the same stress free live and afford a roof over her head. My Nan's next-door neighbour on the council estate would do all her housework in the morning, then in the summer, freshen up and take a book out into the garden to enjoy and have a nap. Her husband worked in a normal job but she had a very comfortable life. My Nan was an avid gardener and was childfree by her 40's, was able to pursue all her hobbies and had a good social life. I think they only went abroad once or twice but that was out of choice. I mean how much would a Class C HGV driver earn today? £20,000-23,000 maybe. That would be enough to buy a home in the south-east yet my grandparents had a very comfortable life.

I was born in 1976 and even I can see that life is so much harder for families these days. My mother who was born in 1951 and lived through the rocketing interest rates in the '80s and agrees that it is much harder for people these days. She actually gets annoyed when people of her generation like to make out it was just as hard in their day and young people these days are just feckless. She reckons its a load of rubbish.

Haha in what reality!

*wouldn't be enough to earn a home in the South East.

Another thing I've noticed is that parents these days are expected to be a lot more hands-on with their children and occupy their children. I was born in 1976, we had a field at the bottom of the road. We'd get washed and dressed in the summer holidays and go off and play games all day, just popping back for lunch. It would have crossed my parent's mind or my friends that our parents would be organising day trips for us etc We'd maybe get a trip or two to the seaside but that was about it. In comparison, I can't just let my children go off to play in the street.

My parents just let the school deal with my education they didn't get half beyond going to parents evening, they were nowhere near as involved as I am with mine but I still ended up with A-Levels and a First Class degree.

Each generation has it's own unique challenges that will never truly be understood by other generations. You just don't really get it if you're not living it.

Totally agree with this.

No way would I swap!

If by 'easier' you mean lower standards then yanbu.

Stop being a pathetic bitch

Totally uncalled for. Hopefully an apology will be forthcoming 😶

It is, of course, swings and roundabouts. Some things better: some worse.

But, when it’s raining and I put my washing in the tumble dryer I remember my mother manhandling the family washing through a mangle. There wasn’t a huge amount of washing, though, as clothes were expensive. I remember being excruciatingly embarrassed at school in PE as I only got clean underwear once a week after the weekly bath.

As for housing, the idea that everyone could afford to buy a house as they were cheaper is nonsense. Everyone rented. My mother rented all of her life and so did all of her relatives and friends.

Also, when my DF got drunk and broke her jaw, the police came round and said that if he did it again they would come again and break every bone in his body.

Other times.

Despite virtual neglect and borderline abuse I was a happy child until I was twelve. The freedom to roam and play were unimaginable today.

I am not so sure that the differences between circumstances then and now are a cause of life being better or worse. Over six decades I have come to see that some people are grateful, adaptable and full of good will and they make the best of anything they are faced with and others have a jealous, resentful, bitter nature and would make ‘ a heaven of hell’ as Blake put it.

I think you’ve got very large rose tinted glasses.

Nowadays pro rata prices?

Wages lower
Housing costs higher
Interest rates ridiculously low
Food lower
Clothes lower - I remember buying jeans for £10 in 1980
Electrical devices lower - video recorders were about £400 in the mid 80’s for example.

I think you’re comparing chalk and cheese. We have lots of on costs we didn’t have in the past. People had very few clothes and life was incredibly basic.

There was a lot of competition and keeping up with the Joneses. And a lot of angst for parents. These days parents are concerned about online grooming, bullying and porn. In the past, parents were concerned about keeping their children alive. And a lot of keeping things behind closed doors.

The reason the sahm didn’t work full time is because mod cons didn’t exist or were too expensive and therefore she didn’t have time to be able to work. Women often weren’t given a choice and employers refused to employ married women and when a woman married, she automatically was no longer employed. Women having more time to be able to work imo has actually contributed to the fall in wages. This is a consequence of choice.

Back then it was a different kind of angst. Job security could be good ie jobs for life but on the flip side it was much easier to lay someone off. And as pps have said people didn’t have the time to self actualise and make children the central focus of the family because they were too busy “doing” and keeping the kids alive.

So YABU.

I was born in 1966.

My mother had to fight to have me in hospital because only first and fourth babies automatically qualified for a hospital birth. Her friend who was also a midwife managed to persuade the powers that be that my brother's birth was not straight forward, mum had 3 days labour.

My mum dad and older brother were living in a one bedroomed house with the toilet across a yard and down stone steps.

We had it drummed into us not to talk to strangers, even if it was a woman and ot to get in a car because the moors murders were so recent, mu mother was pregnant with me when the trial was on.

When my mum was first pregnant she visited a cousin who had a daughter my brother's age, the kids played together, the mums each cuddled their own and each other's toddlers.

A couple of days after that the cousin's husband came to see my mum (no phone then) to tell them their daughter had german measles.

My mum had injections of gamma globulin and crossed her fingers for 7 months hoping her baby would not be born blind and deaf.

So no I don't think previous generations had ìt easier.

My mum never used a mangle or had such a hard time. In the 70's we had a washing machine and a tumble drier. Her life was ok. Only difficult because she had 3 kids under 5.
Life was good then. But it's ok now.

Tell that to my mums friend who got pregnant and had the baby taken off her, just cause. Or my mums cousin who got pregnant so her mum raised it hers and everyone pretended they didn’t know.
When I got pregnant out of wedlock (but as a grown up with a job) my gran was delighted (for so many reasons) but she did mention it was amazing to see that the only person who got a say was me and that she wasn’t going to insult me by offering me her wedding ring to wear to the appointments - which is what people did in the past.

£10 in 1980 is the same buying power as about £48 now

£400 is over £1900!

Basically, we didn't consume anything like as much.

For the sake of the planet, we need to be rather more like that again.

Depends on the aspects being looked at.

I think it’s swung too far the other way in regards to the fact at one point women were expected to give up their career to stay home and raise their family whereas now it’s frowned in for women not to get back into the workplace within the first year of giving birth! The choice has been taken from women in the opposite direction due to the expectations of society along with housing and other costs.

For women to have a true choice they need to have the financial support to stay home or the financial support to pay childcare to work.

I think there are a lot of things that are so different they can’t be compared but it depends on what aspects of then and now you think you’d have valued when considering if it’s better now or not. I grew up in the 80’s and there are parts of that that were both better and worse to now.

My parents were paying 30% on their mortgage.
Kids dying, rations. Yeah sounds ace.

Just accept your life is sweet

my granny had a mangle
my dm had a twin tub, lasted for years, unlike machines made today.

I had children in 70s/80s and one of the biggest changes between then and now for me has been the advent of the internet, social media and mobile phones. None of that when my kids were little and it made for easier parenting imo.

There's lots in your op I agree with. I was born in the early 1960s and although my middle class family didn't have half of the luxuries we all take for granted nowadays, we weren't poor, cold or hungry. Housing was affordable and for those on lower incomes, really nice council housing was plentiful in my neighbourhood. I grew up next to a council estate with green, open spaces, lots of trees, all the houses were generous semis with front and back gardens. My parents lived reasonably close to some of their siblings so we often socialised with aunts, uncles and cousins at the weekend. My grandmother came to us for Sunday lunch every other week.

The world didn't revolve around the children. I'm absolutely certain my mother didn't fret about whether I could read or not when I reached school age. I went to my local school for both primary and secondary so she didn't have to do 12 school visits and all the attendant agonising. She chose to be a sahm but when she went back to work at the age of 45 she found it easy to find a job that she enjoyed.

Of course there were things that were harder but affordable housing counts for such a lot.

Nah
Grew up in 70s. Freezing in winter. Not enough food as we were really poor. Mum had to light the burner if we wanted hot water and laundry took hours in a twin tub. I was bullied at school but the teachers didn’t notice or care.
Regularly sexually harassed in my early jobs but was just how it was so you didn’t really notice.
Racism and sexism were appalling.
Every generation thinks it used to be better.

There is no way they had it easier. This confirms my belief that young people of today are the snowflake generation.

No it wasn't. I was born in the 60s. We didn't have a washing machine or fridge for years, let alone a microwave, ready meals, dryer, dishwasher, that we more or less take for granted.

More seriously my Mum was the victim of domestic violence. My dad was an alcoholic. There was no support she could access. There were kids at school with SN who were given the cane each day for being 'naughty'. I remember a boy with probably dyslexia and the teacher slapping him because he couldn't read.

The sexual harassment and sexism were even more appalling than today and completely acceptable to many. It was also acceptable to spout off racist views.
I would never want to go back.

i was sexually assaulted on my paper round

Lots of sensible comments here OP - life was just different, still tough. In 1958 my fiancé told her boss she was getting married and he sacked on the spot.

We could only afford a mortgage because Nationwide introduced thirty year payments.

The patriarchy ruled. I envy today’s hands on Dads and no-one sneers at me for being well trained by my wife - I like to cook etc.

My Mum had serious mental health problems - institutionalised twice - no friends ever asked to come to our house.

But we could go out to play all day, only coming home when hungry or bleeding. Dirty old men were everywhere though, and took advantage. OH tells of staying with friends near Regents Park and being warned to take no notice of the flashers.

You can take your pick of what was good and what was bad, then and now.

But one thing was definitely better - everyone got their children to bed by 7pm. No idea how we did that!

I wouldn’t swap with my mother or grandmother (had 14 children!) so no fucking way.
The good ole days don’t exist, it’s peoples recollection that fades the shit and enjoys the good memories more.