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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think raising a child was much easier for previous generations?

362 replies

wondering7777 · 19/09/2019 22:50

For my parents and certainly my grandparents’ generation, bringing up children must have been so much easier.

Mortgages were a hell of a lot cheaper for starters, but now the average home costs something like ten times the average salary. As a result, in most cases both parents have to go out to work whether they want to or not, and pay extortionate childcare costs to keep a roof over their heads. In the “old days” mothers were far more likely to be able to take time off work and the family could pay the mortgage on one salary.

In addition, my grandparents’ generation were much more likely to have family living nearby and a more close-knit community to help raise the child.

Judging from what I read on Mumsnet, there’s also a lot of competitive parenting these days, and a lot of parents feel they have to put their child at the centre of their universe, which causes stress. Children from my grandparents’ era were left to their own devices and would play out for hours.

There was no technology then so no angst about children accessing the internet and the reams of inappropriate content that is readily available at the click of a button.

Uni was free so parents didn’t have to save up to send those kids who did go, and jobs were far more readily available when children left school.

Also, the cartoons were better Grin

AIBU?

OP posts:
WanderingBar · 20/09/2019 00:15

Don't know what old days you're talking about. My grandmother raised four children in extreme poverty in a back to back, one up one down house. My mum left school at 14 to help support the family. Growing up I particularly remember one winter when we had no heating or hot water. Sure my mum had more to worry about than competative parenting. Agree about the cartoons though.

familycourtq · 20/09/2019 00:16

Employers were perfectly entitled to discriminate against women.
Not in the 1980s
Equal Pay Act 1970
Sex discrimination Act 1975

user1471453601 · 20/09/2019 00:18

As I have only raised a child in the 70s/80s I have no idea if it's easier or harder now.

One thing about your post did strike me though. Yes, It was easier to get a mortgage in the 70s. But for much of my life I was paying 15/20% interest on that loan..
Don't get me wrong, I'm still very happy that I could get a mortgage on my salary, but it wasn't all roses back in my day.
As a "baby boomer" I know I had a privileged upbringing. First generation with NhS, first with no conscription, last to have free university admission and last to have a pension based on my final salary.

And now I feel bad about complaining about the 15/20% interest. A smal(ish) price to pay, I guess.

But I do hear about breakfast an after school clubs and wonders much easier my life may have been if I had access to them.

All this makes me fear for the current young children. Neither I nor my adult child had to cope with things like social media, lack of social housing etc.

Mac47 · 20/09/2019 00:21

My grandfather lost a leg when it was totally mangled in an accident at the docks where he worked so my df left school at 14 to bring a wage into the house.
My child with Sen would have been shunned from society.
My abusive ex would have got away with beating me up.
And someone on another thread is grateful for tablets as how else does one keep a child happy in a car?
Life may be hard now - as a divorced woman with a gigantic rent and a useless ex and few options, it's not a walk in the park, but I'm incredibly grateful that I am not where I would have been 30, 40, 50 years ago. Society now constantly seeks new, better, more. I dont begrudge my DP their home, they worked their arses off to afford the (then) huge price they paid.

SmoothLawAbider · 20/09/2019 00:28

My mother had to wash 8-10 cloth nappies a day by hand.

Nah, I'll take modern day child-rearing thanks.

Knitclubchatter · 20/09/2019 00:28

i had my trio in the early 80's. had to move away for jobs (worldwide recession) interest rate as stated 14%.
when i went to work, guess who minded the kids...themselves, lots of childhood injuries (no bike helmets, poor car seats).
pedophiles and the danger of just coming out in the news.
high expectations of an organized home all done by the woman.
lots of work place hazards due to lower standards (men and women injured in the workplace).
no special needs provisions (two of mine have some adhd traits).
money and workplace security were a worry.
lots of conflicting info on parenting styles, ranging from very firm to very lax.
i was born in the late 50's. my parents had money woe's, work place woes, mother did way more parenting than my father. playing in the streets all day wasn't always pleasant (bullying & grooming) again lots of childhood injuries and deaths (hit by car, drowning etc.)
still parenting challenges with the influence of the hippy culture in the 70's. very poor dental care!
however i know how to stock pile, fill a freezer for a rainy day, what to substitute in a pinch, how to sew a simple dress, ride a bike, or build a kite. proficient in a few arts and craft techniques etc.

goldfinchfan · 20/09/2019 00:32

You are only seeing Part of the picture.
First how far back are you looking? Do you know about the pre NHS days? When many people got no health treatment?

A lot of really horrible childhood deaths due to more disease and accidents too . Children have severe burns seemed to be common when i was young. Usually at home, could be open fires, paraffin fires, or other causes.

Women had it very tough.
No washing machine or fridge. No labour saving devices.One reason people didn't get fat was due ot the hard work. Coal fires. No steam irons etc etc

Mums in the 60's were often depressed and on Valium. Nasty in a different way.
We kids had fun playing out but my mim's life wasn't good at all.

RoomR0613 · 20/09/2019 00:35

Stop being a pathetic bitch

Completely uncalled for Hmm

People are allowed to have differing opinions to you without being insulted, there isn't anything in the OP to indicate she is 'pathetic' or a 'bitch'.

I think you should apologise for that really.

Neveam · 20/09/2019 00:48

It really depends on what aspects you're talking about.

Without going on about the NHS, I don't think the maternity services were where they are now. Even though they need a massive improvement!
There is much better access to mental health services for mums and its understood a lot more.

I guess you can say that mum's today have pressure from social media and it's easier to compare to others as it's not far from your fingertips.
But back then because they didn't have social media they didn't have access to a variety of resources that can be handy, they couldn't Google anything about baby care. No shopping online and waiting for your weekly food shop to be dropped off.

Symptomless · 20/09/2019 00:49

Sometimes I look at my kids who just play indoors most of the day and feel sorry for them as they'll never have the pleasure of being able to roam free with friends without any adult supervision. It's just not the done thing anymore.

Twofurrycatsagain · 20/09/2019 01:10

My mother and her siblings would say they had a decent childhood (late 1930's to 1960, big family). Playing out, lots of extended family around, not having a lot but not being destitute, encouraged in education.
But it must have been a lot of graft for my gran. The cottage where they lived until my mum was 13 (eldest) is now a holiday cottage. I've been in it and it's tiny. Extremely small kitchen, living room, one small double bedroom and boxroom that's now a shower room. How on earth 2 adults and 4 children could fit in.
So no heating, no bathroom, no indoor loo, no washer. Tin bath and dolly tubs kept under the stairs. My mother in the box bedroom , parents and 3 children in small double. Table and chairs, table for sewing machine, no sofa. No wonder gran thought they'd won the lottery when they got a new council house with a bathroom and 3 beds and a shed.

pigsDOfly · 20/09/2019 01:12

You didn't live through those times so how can you possibly know if it was easier.

You mention mortgage rates but most people didn't have the money to buy their own homes and if you think renters are at the mercy of their landlords nowadays, it's nothing compared to the way some renters were treated. In the 50/60 landlords such as the infamous Peter Rachman were able to intimidate and make renters lives a misery because renters had little or no protection under the law.

I was born at the end of the 1940s. Wash day for my mother, was literally that, a whole day of boiling the weekly wash and hanging it sopping wet on the washing line in the hope it would dry. I can remember her bringing sheets in off the line in winter that had frozen into a solid block.

We had no fridge when I was a child so my mother had to shop every other day for fresh meat and fish. No car, so she had to carry everything home herself. Buses were infrequent, and she certainly couldn't get her shopping delivered by those handy vans that come from Ocado.

Yes, she didn't feel the need to make her children the centre of her world, mainly because she had neither the time, nor I imagine, the energy left over between making most of the children's clothes herself, preparing all meals from scratch and all the other housework she had to do and generally caring for her children. Oh, and if children got ill, there was no such thing as antibiotics. When my siblings were young children died from what we call 'childhood illnesses', it was a fact of life.

I was the youngest, my mother was lucky in that unlike most of her generation of married women, she didn't have the additional burden of raising her children on her own whilst her husband was away fighting in a war. My father was too old to go to war and anyway, was in the police so didn't go to fight.

My life, bring up my children in the 80s was completely different as I was living in very comfortable circumstances. But even so I still had stresses and worries about bringing up my children.

My children were pretty much the centre of my life. I was in my thirties when I had them and a SAHM. My children most certainly weren't left to their own devices.

Unlike my mother I had every modern convenience to hand and live in help and I still found bringing up children tough.

Every generation of mothers has different worries and concerns. You can't really understand what it was like for previous generations, in the same way, they wouldn't be able to understand what it's like for your generation.

But you're wrong if you think it's harder now that it was in the past.

Teddybear45 · 20/09/2019 01:13

There wasn’t much raising going on that I remember. Boys would play outside until called for dinner and girls would be raising all the kids their mum’s produced (or doing the housework). This was in the 80s-90s too!

MoonageDaydreamz · 20/09/2019 04:40

For me it's harder to compare, as my parents both came from working class backgrounds, so were first generation middle class, so I'm second generation middle class, so have that advantage of not starting out with nothing.

Agree with the discrimination / lack of help for having a sen child was much worse in my childhood, have personal experience of that.

There was no expectation that fathers did any major parenting which was harder for mothers, especially when working as well.

There was also less pressure / expectations I think for children - ie not as many baby / toddler groups or choice of after school activities so you didn't feel guilty eg for the fact that you haven't taken your baby to a music class, baby yoga, swimming, baby gym and so on that week.

Overall my life is probably easier than my mum's but a lot of it is down to being much wealthier, so I'd havd to compare with an equivalent family in the 80s rather than my own parents.

Actionhasmagic · 20/09/2019 04:43

Yanbu CARTOONS WERE BETTER

malificent7 · 20/09/2019 04:50

'Pathetic bitch' was a horrid thing to say and you trying way to hard to be 'mumsnetty' which btw most people on here wouldn't say. Yuck.
Anyway op...i think the biggest thing we face now is climate change and socual media. I think in the past if you were well off things were simpler than now.

HUZZAH212 · 20/09/2019 04:53

Yes, yes the good old days when there was a job for every man, little women raised their children as SAHM, in their free houses before waving them off to their free univerity places. The streets were paved with gold and everyone's shit smelt of roses!... However back in the actual real world 😳

Toastymash · 20/09/2019 04:56

Each generation has it's own unique challenges that will never truly be understood by other generations. You just don't really get it if you're not living it.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 20/09/2019 04:58

I was born in 1981. Everyone's mum worked out if the home. I don't know anyone whose mum didn't do that's not a new thing.

There was very short maternity leave, paternity leave and flexible working didn't exist, shops shut earlier. I think it was probably harder.

Toastymash · 20/09/2019 05:00

Stop being a pathetic bitch

You need to chill out a bit...

randomusername · 20/09/2019 05:08

Yes and no.
We have vaccinations and modern medicine, less parents have to watch their children die of disease. We have central heating, a lot of food.
But also yes, today's world is so very different to anything in our history and we have different threats today, the internet, the climate crisis, plastic pollution poising our water and soil. A massive shift in society, no longer play streets and drastically more anti-social. It was expected for a mother to stay at home and raise her own child but that frowned upon in today's society.
In some ways it was easier and some harder to be a parent, goes both ways.

Durgasarrow · 20/09/2019 05:31

When I was living in England back in the day, many uni students were living in bedsits where they only got heat if they constantly shoved five p pieces into their heaters. I presume that isn't the case now. The toilet paper was this brown waxy paper that had the words "now wash your hands, please" stamped on it in the public toilets at my uni. The food was gray meat with gravy. A very small percentage of students went to university, and almost all were at least middle class from what i could see. Many places still looked bombed out post WWII. Last time I went, it was SO different--glorious food, prosperity everywhere, etc.

Tonnerre · 20/09/2019 05:34

I don't think my grandmother would agree with you. It was a bit of a problem having people dropping bombs on them and her husband miles away getting shot at.

EleanorReally · 20/09/2019 05:50

i dont think university was free? you still needed some sort of support? my ds got a grant because of family situation. but university wasnt so common
it was cold,
not many clothes. i imagine the clothes were more expensive. no fast food, no supermarkets = daily shop
kids may have played out but were they safe? we dont let them play out now. = dependent on internet - loneliness, mental health issues,
special needs = special schools, no integration
mental health institutions

cant compare

AuntieStella · 20/09/2019 06:05

Only about 7% of the cohort went to university.

Far less choice. You could be paid less for exactly the same job, simply because you were a woman.

I agree about the rose tinted spectacles.

But yes, I think it is harder now because of the pressures of social media.

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