To ask if SAHM on benefits also have it hard

[Tryinghardereveryday]

I am not generalising, making assumptions or trying to offend.

This morning a was taking LO to nursery,
Which costs me a fortune. I am considered to have a good wage and I work FT. I own my own home.

A woman was walking her dog with her children. She lives in a council house, Her home is identical to mine.She’s single and doesn’t work. I am assuming she is in receipt of benefits.

I thought what’s the point of working so hard... I get limited time with DD whilst she gets to see her children full time. If I don’t work my home gets repossessed. I pay council tax, childcare fees and receive no financial help with anything.

Am I better off than those who have financial help? Does working FT provide me with a better lifestyle? This woman is not struggling. She also claims free childcare. A part from my annual holiday away (which I am grateful for) I don’t think I have anything more than she does and I don’t think that’s completely worth it.
The good thing about working is the contribution to my pension. But poorer older people also get additional assistance. Very few of us will get to pass inheritance to our children as our equity (anything above £23000) will possibly be used to pay for our care in old age.

I’m just feeling down and thinking what’s the point in working so hard. This is not an attack on this woman. It’s at the government, we live in a country where sometimes working does not pay for middle rate earners and we are constantly told it does.

Purpletigers er, 18 year olds get student loans too. Single parents going to university get help with childcare costs but they would get that if they were going to work. Better that they are getting some qualifications out of it to better their futures instead of spending forever in minimum wage jobs.

Not everyone knows what they want to do with the rest of their lives at age 18. I sure as hell didn't.

I had DC very young and lived the income support lifestyle. It wasn't a bed of Rose's, I didn't have spare cash, my money went on food, utilities and my DC needs. I didn't have money for clothes, haircuts, driving lessons, school shoes ect. It was survival money. I was also depressed staying at home, it's not a great life.

I got a minimum wage job when my youngest turned 5. I had no qualifications. I found what I loved doing, did an evening level 3 course (whilst working almost fulltime) and got into uni. I then worked 25hrs a week on top of a full time uni degree.

I'm now in my final year, I earn £15 ph now, and DP has moved in so I don't rely on tax credits anymore. I will pay back plus more after I qualify any state handouts I received. I worked my arse off to get to uni and I love that my heart doesn't sink if my DC need new school shoes anymore.

To the poster who said uni shouldn't be an option.. I didn't have a chance, my life was a mess when I was a teenager due to no fault of my own. DC who grow up in a home with university educated parents, or parents at university are much more likely to go to uni themselves as they see it as normal. Me educating myself has the positive impact of my dc thinking it's normal to work hard and succeed. If I had stayed on a basic 16hrs a week to claim top up benefits they may have ended up doing the same as me and continuing that cycle. They have better life chances now which will cost the state less in the long term then subsidising me in the short term.

The benefit lifestyle is not a great life. You will reap the benefits of continuing to work. Your life chances and your dcs life chances are greater because of it.

What the heck has not knowing want you want to do when you’re 18 got to do with anything ?
If you’re not educated or working in a job you’d be happy to remain in , then don’t have children. Second chances aren’t a given !
Wait until you’re suitably employed or at least on one of the rings of the ladder . You don’t go looking for the wood when you have 2 children to support . Well you can but you can’t expect others to pay for it . And yes students get loans, they don’t need an entire house to live in though and they can’t claim hb to pay the rent .

@Acidburn I am a SAHM and my oldest goes to preschool for her 15 free hours like ever other child with SAHPs I know. Everyone is entitled to it whether you work or not. Preschool education is in a child's best interests why wouldn't you.

My life wasn’t great as a teenager either Fizzy which is why I didn’t have children until I had made it better . By all means tell your story but don’t dismiss the part your decisions played in how it turned out . It’s ok to say I cocked up but I worked hard to fix it .

It doesn’t matter if you don’t know at 18 your ideal career. It’s very easy to pick generic options that can be used for multiple jobs.

Whilst we have the current benefits system in place people can and do have children knowing everyone else will pick up the costs.

It’s a sad state of society when we have got to the stage of it no longer being shameful not to support a child you choose to have and instead talk of entitlement to x, y and z.

I didn't cock up, I was in foster care and once I turned 16 I was left in a b&b until I got a shitty council flat.

I didn't ask for the life I received at the hands of my parents and then the state who had a responsibility to me in which they failed. What happened to me wouldn't have been allowed to happen now.

I'm not angry though, I've finally got the life and stability I should have had when I was young. My DC won't repeat the benefit cycle I was in. Economically being supported for a short time in my adulthood will lead to better outcomes for me and my DC and cost less than if I just worked a minimum wage job for life.

Spending more money in the short term, investing back in childrens centres, youth clubs, educating mothers to higher levels leads to less fire fighting money which costs more long term.

@Purpletigers I was actually made redundant, that was last year I was on £50k , had enough savings that didn't claim a penny. It took me a whole year to find a job that at least used my skills, in the meantime I worked washing dishes. Because I'm a homeowner, the help I can get for childcare is next to £120 when my bill is above £900. I'm only working to be better off by £120 a month give or take. However, I know I will be able to move one day, keep my lovely job title of LatAm Operations Manager and hopefully get the salary I deserve.

@Purpletigers are you generally this blinkered and lacking in empathy?

I'm in my 40s now and STILL dealing with MH issues including CPTSD from my childhood.

I have a degree but I don't use it for my job. With my MH it's something of a miracle I'm working at all.

I didn't know that having children would trigger another breakdown, I didn't realise my ExH was abusive until I got to that point. I certainly didn't plan to be a lone parent but here I am. Yes, I've made some bad choices but I didn't deliberately set out to do so.

Have some bloody compassion and realise we're not all the same.

I was on benefits for a few months after graduating and it was one of the most stressful times of my life. I used to read a cooking blog (A Girl called Jack, or something like that?) written by an unemployed single mum, it was lots of super cheap recipes like 20p a serving bean burgers because the food budget was so low. Most people I’ve known on benefits have had experiences closer to that than this mythical benefits scrounger you read about in the Daily Mail (or on mumsnet!) who lives in a nice 3 bed council house and has a great lifestyle.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss you're a notorious benefits and SAHP basher and have said in roundabout ways on previous threads that you don't believe that people earning NMW should have children, so I wouldn't listen to your opinions.

What reasons might those be Bangin that were not of the 18 year olds making ?

Growing up in care
Not having a good education due to your parents situation
Coming from a socio-economic background where people don't go to uni, therefore believing "people like me don't go to uni"
Not having family backing to support you financially
Being a young carer
Having mental health issues
Having medical issues
Having to work to support yourself or someone else
Unplanned pregnancy
Having a learning difference which means you didn't get the grades

Need I go on?

You do realise people can become ill, carers or lose jobs later in life don't you?

I live in the real world . If that makes me a c in your eyes then so be it . I suffered dreadful pnd after my second child , I sure as hell didn’t have a third .
Work doesn’t have to be a career or well paid , that’s what tax credits are for.But no job at all is taking the piss . Feck even animals will hunt to feed their young . You’re a special kind of c if you want and expect everyone else to pay for yours . Things are changing hugely and unfortunately those who through no fault of their own will suffer .

Snuggy - those people should be supported. Probably why most intelligent people with a barrage jobs won’t have half a dozen children . If they have more children when they find themselves in that situation well they’re a bit dim aren’t they ?

Average job

I live in the real world too, but I try not to make snap judgements and keep my nose out of other people's business. You DO realise that people are different, and not everyone has the same advantages don't you?

Purpletigers do you also think SAHPs who have a partner that supports them financially are lazy? Or just the ones that don't work that often have NO help with childcare from the other parent so they are doing it ALL - evenings, weekends, etc with no break?

the single ones that don't work should I say.

I have ticked all that list at one point or another.

My DC are amazing and will contribute to society when old enough to do so (and even now as one of them volunteers). I contribute back to society within my job role and now don't need to claim benefits.

Our society should value contributions whether that's time for volunteering or taxes paid to ensure our most vulnerable get the support they need. Personal responsibility is a Tory value (and a good one, personal responsibility builds confidence) but giving the right support to facilitate others being able to take on their personal responsibility is what creates a decent society that's nice for everyone to live in. We all have value to give, whether or not we pay taxes to support others who don't. These things are circular and if you are ever in the position where work is impossible you will be supported too.

Life is not a straight linear line. Shit happens. I'm sure you'll be glad of survival money when shit happens to you.

I think every household should make an effort to support themselves . A non working household shouldn’t be an option .

That's not what I asked though is it? Why is a SAHP on benefits is lazy, when often they don't have any help or support in the evenings and at weekends, but a SAHP who is supported financially by their partner, and often (I now not always but often) has help at the weekends from said partner, not lazy?

Of course shit happens , which is why I’ve prepared for it .
Fizzypoo- you’re probably an exception ! There will be more who are bringing up children with all the issues on the list of why they can’t work . And so it continues . We’re not doing them any favours in the long run .