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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask if SAHM on benefits also have it hard

367 replies

Tryinghardereveryday · 19/09/2019 22:05

I am not generalising, making assumptions or trying to offend.

This morning a was taking LO to nursery,
Which costs me a fortune. I am considered to have a good wage and I work FT. I own my own home.

A woman was walking her dog with her children. She lives in a council house, Her home is identical to mine.She’s single and doesn’t work. I am assuming she is in receipt of benefits.

I thought what’s the point of working so hard... I get limited time with DD whilst she gets to see her children full time. If I don’t work my home gets repossessed. I pay council tax, childcare fees and receive no financial help with anything.

Am I better off than those who have financial help? Does working FT provide me with a better lifestyle? This woman is not struggling. She also claims free childcare. A part from my annual holiday away (which I am grateful for) I don’t think I have anything more than she does and I don’t think that’s completely worth it.
The good thing about working is the contribution to my pension. But poorer older people also get additional assistance. Very few of us will get to pass inheritance to our children as our equity (anything above £23000) will possibly be used to pay for our care in old age.

I’m just feeling down and thinking what’s the point in working so hard. This is not an attack on this woman. It’s at the government, we live in a country where sometimes working does not pay for middle rate earners and we are constantly told it does.

OP posts:
howyoulikemenow · 19/09/2019 22:35

I've been a SAHM for almost 6 years, but single for just over a year.

Currently I private rent at 595, and I have 1960 including maintenance coming in a month. I have more money now than I did when I was with my ex, unfortunately I wracked up sooo much debt in catalogues when I was with him because he would refuse to understand that children cost as much as they do.

I worked out today that if I go back to work full-time soon on a starting salary of around 18k I'll be abut 700 better off a month.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 19/09/2019 22:35

I stayed on benefits for 4 years (single parent) because I have no qualifications and the cost of working and paying out for childcare wouldn't have made it worth it. This was before the 30 free hours though. I was a lot mo

I work now (get working tax credits to top up) and as DS is at school I'm much better off, by over £100 a week.

The thing is, people can't remain on benefits indefinitely. You ARE expected to get a job when your DC are a certain age and it will be low paid after so many years out of work.

DerbyRacer · 19/09/2019 22:36

Have you done a benefit calculation for yourself? Are you eligible? Could you live off the money?

I would think those stay at home mum's eligible for benefits probably don't have it easy. Usually there is a reason they can't work rather than just wanting to be a stay at home parent. Often it is because they are carers so its not easy, hardly any money, not much social life, can't work because of caring responsibilities.

I don't think you can claim benefits just because you want to stay home. Or am I wrong? Can anyone claim benefits to be a stay at home parent?

Original poster
Tryinghardereveryday · 19/09/2019 22:36

She told me she’s doesn’t work. Perhaps It’s just 15 hours per child (she as 2 at nursery).

But it’s good to know that I only have a couple more years of financial hardship Hmm

OP posts:
cheeseandbiscuitss · 19/09/2019 22:36

You get 30 hours funding for nursery if you and your partner earn at least the equivalent of minimum wage, 16 hours a week. Roughly £136 a week each

gingajewel · 19/09/2019 22:36

You have to work to get 30 hours nursery, otherwise you just get the standard fifteen hours, so she must work at least 20 hours a week

Waxonwaxoff0 · 19/09/2019 22:37

OP she can't be getting 30 free hours, that's for working people only. Unemployed are entitled to 15 hours only.

cheeseandbiscuitss · 19/09/2019 22:38

But she can claim 15 hours from when her child is two if she's in receipt of benefits. OP will have to wait until the term after her child's birthday

SarahAndQuack · 19/09/2019 22:39

Oh, come on. What's the issue? You think life should never be hard work?

I doubt her life is a bed of roses. You own your home. You are not in financial hardship. You may wish you had more (don't we all?), and you may feel quite nervous and precarious and worried. But come on. You just sound as if you're trying to find reasons to dislike this woman and/or to have a pop at people on benefits.

whythough · 19/09/2019 22:40

Op, sounds like you don't know details and are guessing. Maybe just mine your own business 🤷🏼‍♀️

SleepingStandingUp · 19/09/2019 22:41

And she also claims childcare benefits - 15 hours a week. Why the fck does she need it if she doesn't work?* because it's considered to be for the child's benefit not the parents.

She has told me she does work and does not get maintenance as ex is unemployed so she works at least 16 hours if she's qualifying for the 30 hours, her ex likely gives her nothing for the kids. She's hardly living the highlife OP. Your earning potential will continue to go up throughout your career, she's likely in a minimum wage job (if she's getting full HB). And if you lose your job tomorrow and your partner leaves and doesn't contribute, you'll be entitled to the same bar HB

TheBrockmans · 19/09/2019 22:41

I went the middle road and worked part time. By keeping my foot in the door and taking on more hours I am now on a salary far more than people who stopped working.

When their children are five they will need to take a job, when the youngest is 12 they will not be able to restrict their hours. When the children leave home they will lose benefits and maintenance payments. If they are in a council house they will either have to downsize or pay a bedroom tax even if their child is at University and home for five months of the year. When you have paid off your mortgage and maybe have a private/occupational pension they will still need to be working late into their 60s unless they are ill/ disabled.

You are being a good role model for your dc of adult responsibility. They will soon need to work but their choice of jobs might not be as interesting as yours is.

It is a short term loss for longer term gain. Maybe you should explore the possibility of working part time to get the best of both worlds.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 19/09/2019 22:42

OP you will be able to access the 30 hours free too once your LO is 3.

SleepingStandingUp · 19/09/2019 22:44

OP if you're so certain her life is a bed of roses, sell the house and quit work.

Whatisthisfuckery · 19/09/2019 22:44

Oh great, another benefit scrounger thread.

How do you know she’s on benefits OP? How do you know she’s not disabled?

Honestly, I get fed up to the back teeth of these bloody moaning home owners coming on here whining about how hard they have it compared to those nasty lazy benefit spongers. Lucky for you OP that it probably won’t be your stomach that hits the floor whenever a brown envelope lands on the door mat, or you who have to spend half a day printing out bank statements several times a year just to prove that the money the social have given you isn’t too much, and god for-fucking-bid you ever have to look for housing and have door after door slammed in your face, be shoved into ever smaller moldier and more dilapidated flats while watching the rent go up each year while housing benefits stay the same and everything else goes down, all because you’re claiming benefits. Enjoy the roof over your head and the means to keep it, because some of us are constantly worrying about the next one we’ll struggle to find.

Jesus Christ, is a home of your own and a decent job and prospects not enough for you? Do you want the little we’ve got too?

Original poster
Tryinghardereveryday · 19/09/2019 22:44

Your right! I am doing a lot of guessing and should not assume anything about this woman. It’s not about her it’s about me I guess. I just feel guilty that DD is i. Childcare for 8 hours a day. That’s it !
Forget my ramblings Smile

OP posts:
Onacleardayyoucansee · 19/09/2019 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

stucknoue · 19/09/2019 22:45

Once your kids are in school your bills drop, once they reach 12 or so there's no childcare whereas once her kids start school she will be expected to work part time (and if it's close to minimum wage she will be no better off), once her kids are 12 she's expected to work full time, her rent doesn't stop unlike your mortgage (once it's paid off), if you have savings at least I'm old age you have options.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 19/09/2019 22:46

You know what I do find interesting? That a lot of people on here believe that being a SAHP is harder than going out to work. But seemingly only if you have a partner to support you financially. If you're a single SAHP on benefits then you're lazy. Not sure how that works, especially when a lot of those single parents don't have any help at all from the other parent.

whythough · 19/09/2019 22:46

If you are not happy op reduce your hours and spend more time with your child.

ItsWitchingTime · 19/09/2019 22:47

Being on benefits is far from idealic, give it a whirl and you'll see that those that claim it are clearly not living the highlife that so many seem to envision.

Sparklesocks · 19/09/2019 22:48

I think there’s definitely a conversation to be had about how hard people must work to pay for mortgages/rent/childcare in this country and the sacrifices that are made to keep us going, how unfair it can feel and how long we all spend in work as a nation, but I don’t think people on benefits/not working should be the receptors of that frustration.

SarahAndQuack · 19/09/2019 22:48

YY, wax.

I observe, too, that being a SAHP is enormously harder if you private rent or own your own home. Amazing, isn't it?

DerbyRacer · 19/09/2019 22:48

whatisthis seeing the brown envelope, don't think I will ever forget that feeling of dread.

ghostyslovesheets · 19/09/2019 22:48

If you are not happy op reduce your hours and spend more time with your child

or give up work and live the highlife on benefits Hmm