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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if SAHM on benefits also have it hard

367 replies

Tryinghardereveryday · 19/09/2019 22:05

I am not generalising, making assumptions or trying to offend.

This morning a was taking LO to nursery,
Which costs me a fortune. I am considered to have a good wage and I work FT. I own my own home.

A woman was walking her dog with her children. She lives in a council house, Her home is identical to mine.She’s single and doesn’t work. I am assuming she is in receipt of benefits.

I thought what’s the point of working so hard... I get limited time with DD whilst she gets to see her children full time. If I don’t work my home gets repossessed. I pay council tax, childcare fees and receive no financial help with anything.

Am I better off than those who have financial help? Does working FT provide me with a better lifestyle? This woman is not struggling. She also claims free childcare. A part from my annual holiday away (which I am grateful for) I don’t think I have anything more than she does and I don’t think that’s completely worth it.
The good thing about working is the contribution to my pension. But poorer older people also get additional assistance. Very few of us will get to pass inheritance to our children as our equity (anything above £23000) will possibly be used to pay for our care in old age.

I’m just feeling down and thinking what’s the point in working so hard. This is not an attack on this woman. It’s at the government, we live in a country where sometimes working does not pay for middle rate earners and we are constantly told it does.

OP posts:
FlyingBanana · 19/09/2019 22:09

If you earn more than 30k you almost certainly will be earning more than her. You also will have an investment in your house.

FlyingBanana · 19/09/2019 22:10

I did decide it wasnt worth it though and spent the time at home . Husband lowish wage....we are living a v different life to those of my uni contemporaries, but I really liked the time at home with the children.

Hopesorfears · 19/09/2019 22:10

In the long run you have more assets and more opportunities. But in the short term, while missing your dc, I can see why you feel she might have a better day to day life.

Acidburn · 19/09/2019 22:11

I completely understand you, op. The system is completely fcked. I also know a woman who is SAHM while her DP works, they have 2 kids. And she also claims childcare benefits - 15 hours a week. Why the fck does she need it if she doesn't work? While mothers who work are not entitled to it even if half of their salary goes to pay for childcare? How is it fair? I have no idea.

FlyingBanana · 19/09/2019 22:12

There will be a time when childcare stops though and you're in a far bettter earning position than I'll ever be, and that will continue for another 20-30 years!

PseuDenim · 19/09/2019 22:13

The 15 hours is universal and not means tested. So everyone working or not is entitled to it.

FireCrotch69 · 19/09/2019 22:13

While I disagree about the comfort of benefits / they are anything but, at least your wage cannot be ‘sanctioned’ for the smallest thing.

But as a council tenant I do ponder if I’ll ever buy a house when I have a tenancy for life here, I get repairs done for free, the rent is low I don’t notice it coming out and improvements are rolled out as and when (which I may not afford with a mortgage.)

I’ll never get repossessed - if Can’t pay my rent then housing benefit covers the full amount. (I don’t claim HB as I work and my wage covers my expenses) if the council want to kick me out - as long as it’s not for rent arrears or anti social behaviour, they’ll rehouse me.

Sure being a home owner comes with a touch of ‘look st what I bought’ but really not many other benefits these days!

TheMustressMhor · 19/09/2019 22:14

@Acidburn

You do not have to put an asterisk in the word "fuck".

EveWasShamed · 19/09/2019 22:15

My friend is a single mum on UC. She’s been told because she’s self employed they’ll assume she makes a minimum £800 a month, despite the fact she has to report her earnings so they can see that most of the time she makes closer to £30 a week, so they’ve awarded her £90 a month. To cover all her expenses. It has totally fucked her over and now she can’t afford to work, she’s been forced to become unemployed and had to drop out of college. When she can source childcare she can pick up the odd shift at the pub, which isn’t often. So yeah, I’d say she has it pretty hard. Hmm

Original poster
Tryinghardereveryday · 19/09/2019 22:15

FlyingBanana It’s unfortunate that a mother earning £28000 may be better off going up her job.

OP posts:
EveWasShamed · 19/09/2019 22:16

Oh, and did I say she’s been served with an eviction notice because she can’t afford to pay her rent - living the dream OP!

gamerchick · 19/09/2019 22:17

Are you assuming she's on benefits because she's in a council house?

If you're assuming that, how do you know she's claiming free childcare?

Lellikelly26 · 19/09/2019 22:17

I really understand you OP. I think it’s so hard to be away from your children when they are small. When they get older you will be pleased for a bit of a life for yourself.
You also have choice as you have your own money, can choose to move have more options as you get older etc.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 19/09/2019 22:17

At some point soon, nursery bills will go away. Some costs for breakfast club/after school club but they could possibly be mitigated by reducing your hours.

At some point your home will be paid off and you will only need to cover the utilities for it.

Ok in the here and now she may have more time at home than you. But she is subject to welfare reform, likely having to attend appointments where she justifies why she isn't working, fines imposed if she fails to attend etc.

Solihooley · 19/09/2019 22:19

It depends which benefits she is claiming bu the cap is pretty low. She certainly won’t be living the life of Riley. Are you a single parent? If so you are probably better off working part time and claiming working tax credit, because you will get to spend more time with dc. Acidburn although the free childcare from 2 thing for those on benefits seems unfair on the face of it it’s not really about ‘childcare’. It’s based on data that shows that early life experience massively influences life chances. Children living in poorer households are generally in need of a boost when it comes to early years experiences.

Dragongirl10 · 19/09/2019 22:21

I totally get this op, in my 20's working 70 -80 odd hours a week, building a business, and paying a mortgage, l had a tenant in the flat l had managed to save a tiny deposit to buy as a start to my pension.
She was mid 30's never worked, no dependants, was a client of my business and lived in my investment flat (a 3 bed) paid for out of housing benefits.....
She was rested and looked well dressed, had studied for 2 degrees and had various hobbies.. l was always utterly exhausted, not to mention worried about keeping up mortgage payments.
One day l asked her why she chose that lifestyle, she said 'l don't want to spend my life working really hard like you do, why should l?'
I am still not sure why she got all the benefits she did.....but it illustrates all that is wrong with society.

Sparklesocks · 19/09/2019 22:23

I’m sorry you are frustrated, it’s difficult when life is dominated by work and we don’t see our kids as much as we’d like. You don’t really know the details of her life though? Or how hard she does or doesn’t have it? You say yourself you ‘assume’ she is collecting benefits. How can you confidently say she isn’t struggling when you don’t know her situation at all?

And you have the security of investing in a mortgage/pension, and you are also likely to get pay increases over your career.

Original poster
Tryinghardereveryday · 19/09/2019 22:25

gamerchick. I speak to her often. She gets 30 hours free for her toddler. But I’m not sure if everyone is entitled to this.

She has told me she does work and does not get maintenance as ex is unemployed. She also told me she gets her rent paid for by local council. But I have not asked her directly about her finances or benefits (that would be rude and none of my business). This post is not specifically about her more about whether some woman are better off not working and should this be right

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 19/09/2019 22:25

I really disagree you're 'better off' giving up your job if you earn less than 28k. I know exactly what you mean, but there's so much more to working than just earning.

I've been unemployed with my toddler DD for the past year. Lots of complicated reasons why, but amongst other things, we could not have afforded for me to carry on doing the job I was doing and pay for childcare. DP earns in the mid 20s so couldn't cover it. I adore my DD and it's been an absolute privilege to be able to be at home with her, but I can't pretend I'm not pleased I've got a new job starting in October.

My DP's mum is your absolute stereotype of someone who feels the world owes her a living - she has never worked beyond a few hours per week - and now that she's nearly 60 she looks a good decade or two older, has almost nothing to keep her interested in life, and is pretty frankly unhappy. It is not good for you to spend most of your life bored out of your mind claiming benefits and sitting around at home. Sure, children are lovely and I really enjoy a lot of my time at home with DD, but I would not want to do it for too long and it would not be good for DD to see me doing it for too long. It's good for me to have proper contact with other adults, and IMO it's good for DD to see I've got a life that extends beyond her. It will benefit us both in the long run.

Yellowpolkadot · 19/09/2019 22:26

I’ve not really looked into the benefits system but as a teacher with 6 years experience working 4 days a week I earn circa 28k, then pay off student loan, NI etc. We send DC to nursery for the time I’m in work costing us nearly £1000 a month. It often seems like me working is a pointless exercise. And by the sounds of this thread I may as well hand my notice in in the morning! I’m with you OP

SarahAndQuack · 19/09/2019 22:27

@Tryinghardereveryday, cross posted with your last and really confused.

So this woman you're talking about works, and obviously works the number of hours to qualify for the 30 hours childcare? So why is she relevant to you asking about people who don't work?

Original poster
Tryinghardereveryday · 19/09/2019 22:30

* she has told me she does not work

OP posts:
SarahAndQuack · 19/09/2019 22:32

She does, though. If she's getting 30 hours childcare, she works.

I know because one of the more organised MN mums in my baby group just posted the info, and I've been working out how to sign up for it myself.

whythough · 19/09/2019 22:34

I might be wrong, but I thought you had to work to get 30 hours childcare free

cheeseandbiscuitss · 19/09/2019 22:35

@PseuDenim that comes into force a term after child turns 3. You can claim 15 hours from the moment a child is 2 if your household income is less than £16k (and I am aware of people who massively play the system)

OP I would say you are better off in part time work (if you can) It's balance. And it's changed my life. I fully intend to make the most of the next 12 months before my youngest goes to school