To ask if SAHM on benefits also have it hard

[Tryinghardereveryday]

I am not generalising, making assumptions or trying to offend.

This morning a was taking LO to nursery,
Which costs me a fortune. I am considered to have a good wage and I work FT. I own my own home.

A woman was walking her dog with her children. She lives in a council house, Her home is identical to mine.She’s single and doesn’t work. I am assuming she is in receipt of benefits.

I thought what’s the point of working so hard... I get limited time with DD whilst she gets to see her children full time. If I don’t work my home gets repossessed. I pay council tax, childcare fees and receive no financial help with anything.

Am I better off than those who have financial help? Does working FT provide me with a better lifestyle? This woman is not struggling. She also claims free childcare. A part from my annual holiday away (which I am grateful for) I don’t think I have anything more than she does and I don’t think that’s completely worth it.
The good thing about working is the contribution to my pension. But poorer older people also get additional assistance. Very few of us will get to pass inheritance to our children as our equity (anything above £23000) will possibly be used to pay for our care in old age.

I’m just feeling down and thinking what’s the point in working so hard. This is not an attack on this woman. It’s at the government, we live in a country where sometimes working does not pay for middle rate earners and we are constantly told it does.

I'm a single mother in a council flat with a 9 month old baby. I get £98 a week including child benefit to pay everything. Rent, bills, council tax, everything for my daughter, food etc.
@vampirethriller contact your council tax as you should get a further reduction for being on a low income as well as the single occupancy discount. A family member is also a single parent of a baby and gets over £900 in benefits from UC which covers her rent (your housing element from UC needs to cover rent for a two bedroom flat in your area- which is surely more than £98 per week?) plus then the childcare element or basic element. Your calculation must be wrong- what have they broken it down into for it to be so little? Plus you must receive child benefit as well?

You've got to look at the long term picture here. Childcare is not forever and even while paying the costs diminish. Once you retire you'll have paid off your mortgage. So living rent free and have some kind of private pension provision. You'll have choices you can make, not forgetting your tax free pension lump sum.
She on the other hand will be still paying rent, and living off state pension. No say in where she lives etc. Limited choices.
I know which one is rather be.

I completely understand your frustration. However, bring in benefits is not always a personal choice. It’s there as a safety net for families and individuals in need.

Sadly, far too many abuse the system.
Of course there is inequality in the system, as there is in practically all systems.
I’ve been in the income support system with 3 children, just for a year. I then went back to work by choice to support myself. At the time, I felt pretty comfortable in benefits and could easily see why to some people there was little motivation to go back to work.

Now though, it’s changing fast. People are receiving less money and yet the cost of going back to work has increased.

I share your frustrations but there many people who have desperately needed that support and those who have gone on to help themselves.

My neighbour and her bf choose not to work and are on It’s shocking how they get away with it.

It’s an easy system to abuse.

It’s just the cost of childcare.
When my 2 ds were small and both in nursery, the net benefit of me working was £200 a month. The stress of commuting and limited time with the kids was making me think it wasn’t worth it.
However, after they were at school and I managed to reduce my hours, and had a few pay rises, it was so worth it.

@Isadora2007 I'm not on universal credit yet. That total is with the council tax discount, and including child benefit. I get income support. My rent is £20 a week because I do get housing benefit which sounds very very little but out of £98 is a lot.

In my first entry level job earning around 20k I had a colleague earning the same amount with two nursery age children. The cost of childcare and petrol for her commute meant it wasn't really financially viable to come to work. I'm not sure who she spoke to, the benefits office or something similar to see if she was entitled to any extra support and the person she spoke to just told her that she would be financially better off if she gave up work and just claimed benefits.

I love that. I am not generalising, making assumptions or trying to offend right before you generalise, make assumptions and most likely offend someone 🙄

I have never met anyone who’s so open with acquaintances they know from the school run or similar about how they pay their bills. Myself included when I was on benefits. Sure, people were nosy fuckers but I didn’t tell them fuck all. My close friends knew and understood my set up but everyone else could fuck right off knowing my business.

You really think the current government make it easy to rely on benefits?! Of course they don’t. Homelessness and food bank usage has never been higher, those switching to universal credit going without any money for weeks and weeks, being forced to take out loans to get by, people with terminal illnesses being declared fit for work when they are anything but.... yeah. Our government really take care of those most in need. Fuck sake.

I suppose it depends to what extent you enjoy your job and/or being home, the the thought of being home all day with pre schoolers, no job, and limited funds makes my blood run cold. That would not fulfil me, I would get depressed I have no doubt. I love my job, enjoy making money and having quality time with my children, I would not have been a good mother at home all day. The real benefits came in when they started school, the strides in our careers have made us very financially comfortable. And now I work flexibly enough I only don't see my children about 1.5 hours less a day than SAHMs Mon-Thurs l, but I'm bringing in a significant income, and enjoy my days. For me I know which life Id prefer, but you have to carve your own life to your own desires. Preferably responsibly as well, I don't personally agree with deliberately keeping income low to increase benefits, but not enough to care about what anyone else is doing.

I am on benefits. Income support, housing benefit (I also have to pay £70 per month to my rent), child tax credits and child benefit. My children's father has nothing to do with them including financially.

I lie awake most night worrying about money. I just scrape by and no more. I have no nice stuff for myself as every penny I have I use to try and ensure my children have nice stuff and can do activities.

I am learning to drive as there are a lot of call centres nearby always looking for staff but not accessible by public transport. I can barely afford lessons so they are as and when - trying to learn to drive to help me work but can't afford to learn to drive it's a viscous circle. My 2 year old has just started nursery (government funded) which will make it easier for me to look for a job now. I have been bringing up two children on my own for the past 2.5 years with no help so the free nursery hours are giving me some time to myself.

I haven't read the thread as it will probably upset me but I assume the usual posts are on here about massive TVs, Sky TV, fags, drink, drugs, getting nails and hair done etc 😴

1. I do have quite a big TV, this was a joint Christmas present a few years ago from my mum and gran.

2. I also have Sky TV but - and I will no doubt be flamed here - my mum pays this for me. I was happy to go without but my mum insisted she wanted to do this for me when I had to cut it off when my ex left me.

3. Don't smoke, barely drink, don't take drugs.

4. Get my hair cut once a year if that and use a box dye every few months. Never had my nails done

Life on benefits is shit and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I am desperate to work but I never hear back from interviews and a lot of jobs I have applied for I would actually have been worse of financially after paying childcare etc (before youngest started nursery she has only been going a week) but I still decided I would rather be earning pennies than relying benefits.

I am ashamed of being on benefits for fear of being judged, luckily I live in a very working class area so a lot of people rely on benefits and the ones that don't tend not to be judgemental (some are!). Now that my youngest is in nursery I am keeping my fingers crossed that I find something soon although I will still rely on tax credits but as a lone parent I will not be made to feel guilty about that.

I worked right up until my second pregnancy (business closed down) and then was left a single parent and although I was never going to be some high flying career woman I never imagined this would be my life.

I will be honest though I feel really guilty about using the 2 year funding nursery as I think it is massively unfair to people paying for nurseries. I was actually so against it that I always said I would not be sending my child until she was 3 but 2.5 years of being a single parent I am afraid I caved and tbh it will do her good too. I also believe some of the grants I have had are ridiculous and unnecessary but that makes me a hypocrite as I still claimed it (and spent the lot on my children)

And she also claims childcare benefits - 15 hours a week. Why the fck does she need it if she doesn't work?* it's not for her it's to benefit the child. Unless you think they should miss out?

The 15 hours a week is to benefit the child educationally (or was 5 years ago when my child first started pre school). It’s not childcare.

^ this is why I am claiming the hours. And they are going up to 30 hours this year which I personally think is too much but they say it's to encourage parents back to work. It will definitely help me a lot if I manage to get a job but until then I will not be leaving her in nursery for the full day as I think it's too long.

Would I rather have a career and own my own home or be a single Mum on benefits living in a council house? Hmm, what a difficult decision to make .

Of course you are in a stronger position and you know it, this is one of the goadiest posts on MN ever. Living on benefits is not as comfortable as it may have once been, the Tories have seen to that one. I’m sure she’s not very well off and she has no assets to pass down to her DC whereas you do.

I do think this is a benefit bashing thread.

I’m a single mum to 4 I don’t work and live in a council house, my ex has no involvement in my children’s lives as quite simply he doesn’t want to. He doesn’t pay a penny in maintenance and due to the cut off for tax credits I don’t any for the youngest. I have two disabled children so really I’m not in any position to work. My oldest is having difficulty at school and has to be brought in at 9.30 and picked up at 1pm Then I have to go back down to the school to pick up my others at 3.30. I have no break ever as no family help but agree with what pp said about your only considered “lazy” if you are a sahm on benefits. You really don’t know anyones life to judge.

That sounds really hard PumpkinP

I.think.it very much depends on circumstances and what benefits you get ,when I was working full time as a nurse and dh in a,warehouse , and we owned our own flat ,we had a seemingly good income ,coming in ,however we earned too much for any help in child care costs so we had to juggle shifts between us,our home was in a state of disrepair ,which we couldn't really afford to get fixed,so whilst we had a paper a good income we didn't have much disposable income,fast forward a few years ds2 was diagnosed with autism and learning disabilities,he's non verbal etc, I made the decision to give up work ,as I didn't need the stress ,due to circumstances we are now in a council house, dh still works and we get tax credits ( extra due to disability) d's DLA ,carers allowance etc we still.don't have loads of disposable income but we are not worse off than when I was working ,and all major repairs in our home get fixed .

Think long term OP. Once the children are out of full time education the benefits get cut massively and I don't think many prepare themselves for the huge financial implication.

Also things have changed a lot over the last few years, there was a time when Single.parents could basically stay at home until their youngest child was 16 and get an increase in tax credits after each child was born ,this isn't the case any more ,.

You can never be better off on benefits and many people dont return to work until kids are over 3.

The begrudging of the “childcare” is particularly churlish and unpleasant.

I stuck at it, worked as a single mum and now my children are teenagers and in the last years of high school I'm really reaping the rewards. My wages are good and career prospects and earning potential good. I can go shopping and buy myself a top without too much worry and the girls get good pocket money for their part in being so good and supporting my work. They don't feel they missed out when they were younger and we are close and have a good relationship. I'd say stick at it because in years to come it all pans out. My pension will be good and I'll have a secure property to live in during my retired years

surely one reason for the childcare especially in the earlier 2000’s was to enable parents time to find work. It made more sense to offer the childcare to the family so they would have free time to seek work

I’m just feeling down and thinking what’s the point in working so hard. This is not an attack on this woman. It’s at the government, we live in a country where sometimes working does not pay for middle rate earners and we are constantly told it does.

The government uses the taxes to help pay for schools, healthcare, roads, police, fire brigade, vaccinations, sewers, clean water et cetera. It does pay to work, you just take too much for granted.

I can see why people begrudge childcare though if they are earning to much to get any help.towards it but not enough to have a comfortable life ,when ds1_was a toddler I worked nights and dh,worked days as we got no help towards child care ,it did seem unfair that low earners got help and their children went to nursery when all ds1 got was exhausted parents and juggled between the both of us and if shifts clashed my parents picked up the slack where they could ,so I can see why people feel resentful .