To ask if SAHM on benefits also have it hard

[Tryinghardereveryday]

I am not generalising, making assumptions or trying to offend.

This morning a was taking LO to nursery,
Which costs me a fortune. I am considered to have a good wage and I work FT. I own my own home.

A woman was walking her dog with her children. She lives in a council house, Her home is identical to mine.She’s single and doesn’t work. I am assuming she is in receipt of benefits.

I thought what’s the point of working so hard... I get limited time with DD whilst she gets to see her children full time. If I don’t work my home gets repossessed. I pay council tax, childcare fees and receive no financial help with anything.

Am I better off than those who have financial help? Does working FT provide me with a better lifestyle? This woman is not struggling. She also claims free childcare. A part from my annual holiday away (which I am grateful for) I don’t think I have anything more than she does and I don’t think that’s completely worth it.
The good thing about working is the contribution to my pension. But poorer older people also get additional assistance. Very few of us will get to pass inheritance to our children as our equity (anything above £23000) will possibly be used to pay for our care in old age.

I’m just feeling down and thinking what’s the point in working so hard. This is not an attack on this woman. It’s at the government, we live in a country where sometimes working does not pay for middle rate earners and we are constantly told it does.

It depends on your situation.

I grew up on benefits as my dad died and my mum looked after us all and we were POOR. She often didn't eat dinner so we could eat we were on the poverty line and so NO we didn't live better on benefits.

However I think you do better on benefits if one of you works. I am a SAHM to an autistic child who now attends a specialist school and a 1 year old. We can't afford nursery on my husband wage as we live in the South East and his wage barely covers rent and bills and he wants 27k. We get all the benefits and would be direly poor if u worked and we put our daughter in nursery.... I was a teaching assistant and my wage was 800. Nursery is more then then here not to mention I'd need after school clubs for my son. It's ridiculous.
I am technically parent carer though.

So it's entirely situation dependant

There sa shortage of council houses and people wait 3 years in hostels in our city. So even though I have a disabled child and are on benefits (though husband works) we can't get a council house and will never be able to buy as our rent is extortionate and we can't save.

For those saying she can't possibly get 30 hours childcare unless she's working. If you are in receipt of Carers Allowance, that is seen as employment and entitles you to 30 hours automatically. So it's possible one of her children are registered as disabled, or she's caring for somebody else that is. Either way, hardly a life of luxury!

Tell you what OP - come and live my life for a month or two. £300 to pay all the bills, feed the three of us, pay for school uniforms, trips, pocket money etc. Yep, I get the extra time time with them I wouldn't have if I could work (I can't).

I live in fear of my freezer breaking down, because I've stacked up so much food in there for when even that £300 stops coming in, which it will, because that's how the system works. The brown envelope fear might mean nothing to you, but it is terrifying.

I have no security, no assets, no one to rely on - but hey, I get to do the school run every day, so that must mean I'm living the life of Riley, right?. You've got no fucking idea how it feels to live like this, none.

“had studied for 2 degrees“

On Mumsnet even benefit scroungers have two degrees!

We receive carers but was only given 30 hours when our son reached 3 instead of the standard 15

It's also incredibly stressful having to constantly send in proof you still are eligible for benefits and they'll always accidentally overpay you and then take back the money leaving you in the shit for MONTHS.

It is hard...but do not measure what you do in hard cash.

You are bettering yourself and will continue to do so and improve life outcomes for yourself and your children, you are contributing to society, you are improving your brain and expanding your horizons, you are a role model to your children. I could go on......

You are what you aspire your children to be.

@TheOliphantintheRoom could you explain your last comment please?

It's a tough one. I think the ones who are the 'worst' off are the parents who earn just over the maximum for extra help. It's either lose essentially all of one partners wage on childcare and both work, both miss out on spending all your time with the kids and feel like you've worked so many hours a week for a profit of £50... or one partner reduces their wages, then ends up being dependent on the other partner which is tough when you have been used to being financially independent, and take a career hit which can be a bit depressing.

I'm a bit miserable about having to go back to work p/t once my maternity leave is up, but I have to work to pay the bills. But I'm lucky enough that with the hours I'll be doing, I should be able to juggle child care between myself and my partner who works f/t as we're both on shifts, with the odd short day from my mum, which means we can save money on nurseries until the free hours come in.

I could probably be a SAHM and claim some sort of benefits to top us up, but I'd rather continue my career and try work towards something than nothing. A lot have it worse than I do, but a lot have it waaaay better. Just have to work with what you have!

I definitely think working a few hours is better than nothing, though. I think it's important that your kids see you go out to work. Even if it's a shit job for 12h p/w. That work ethic and being independent is good to teach children, especially girls.

I probably look to the outside world like a single parent "benefits scrounger" People don't have a bloody clue though. I'm a carer for my disabled son, oh, but he doesn't "look" disabled. Look at me still walking my 17 yo to school because he can't go out on his own, which means I can't get a job as I still need childcare before and after school and for holidays. For an almost adult.

Ahh, but I get loads of money. That's why I have an oven and a washing machine that don't work properly. And although my house is on a council estate it's actually shared ownership so although housing benefit pays the rent I still have to pay a mortgage from the remaining benefits. I have no savings. If something goes wrong and benefits are stopped we will be homeless. It's a bloody great life!

(And my ex is now unemployed due to his alcoholism so I get no child maintenance either now)

But at least I have a big telly. I could do with a goat as the garden is a jungle. Where do I claim my goat?

It can’t be that difficult or they’d be looking for a job . They’re going to be screwed when their kids turn 18 . They’re fucked !

I hate that these discussions always descend into “ another benefit bashing “ when actually the op done nothing of the sort. I’m wondering if those that don’t work and/or do t have a mortgage have any idea if the stress of keeping a roof over our heads. I work full time single mum 2 dc 2 with ASD . I earn £40000 and live-blogged pay day by pay day. Yes I own a home but have £30 in savings no way of paying for the boiler etc if it breaks down have to pay for before/ after school care and holiday clubs . Have had to take unpaid leave to cover dc hospital appointments as there are so many and dc sick days.
See on the race to the bottom is just as miserable working ft and owning a home.
Both my dc hate that I miss so many school events and they miss out on play dates and clubs as I’m at work all the fucking time.
I work with families and inwardly seeth at the ones who choose not to work as they have dc at school who need their time. Well so the fuck do I
Rant over

I certainly don’t blog till pay day live from one till the next

You are much better off. I was the only one in my group of single parents who worked and they were all better off than me.
The worm has turned now. I own my own home now and have a good career and quality of life.
My single parent friends all have minimum wage jobs and no quality of life now the kids have left home. A couple of them are living in crumby studios in Brighton.
I feel I've reaped the rewards of my hard work.
Given my time again I would have claimed benefits as a SAHM for the pre school years but what's done is done now.

On 40k you can do more than just live surely.

Also many on benefits do pay mortgages out of that money and struggle to keep the roof over their head.

The mortgage didn't disappear when you lost your job, had to leave to care for a disabled child or became sick yourself.

I do not get the 15 free childcare hours for SAHMs on benefits when working mums aren’t entitled. This should be for working mums only.

OP, I know of a SAHM with young children, benefits paid every week and money from children's father paid every weekend. All have the latest gadgets, she's been on holiday without them twice since the holidays began whereas they've stayed at home, very expensive tattoos, hair done professionally (upwards of £100 every couple of weeks), new boyfriend every few months (who she spends hundreds of pounds at a time on), house gets cleaned every week by someone else, new car, house gets paid for, the list goes on.
SAHM spends the majority of her money on herself, leaving children without things (school uniform, birthday cake etc.) and comes to DP and I, guilt tripping and pleading poverty for the children, so we end up going without or struggling for a week or two so that the children don't go without.

DP and I both work full time plus overtime, very VERY rarely see each other but are desperate for a child of our own. But, with our expenses and the fact that I don't get maternity pay at my job, it means we would have to live on a single wage for the first couple of months and it would be impossible.
The basis of it is that we work hard and have barely a thing to show for it. Whereas she does nothing but live her best life.

Maybe I am a little jealous that she gets to do nothing.. I don't know. But not all on benefits are having a hard time. Some are exploiting the system and nothing gets done about it.

I think be a SAHM or very p/t pre school or even up to 5, on benefits if necessary then make up for it later.

Everyone gets the 15 free hours from 3, it's called nursery

Those in receipt of certain benefits are entitled from 2, it's not free childcare it's eyfs education. The thought being many children from low income families really benefit from being in a nursery setting

But sod the children hey, let's just moan about the parent getting free childcare

It's more about the future, isn't it. She's better off now but that will only last a few years. It's a precarious way to live.

Fair enough if people make that choice, I'll also stay off for a bit with my baby, but I want to have a career too.

I haven't been a SAHM or indeed a parent at all..

However I have lived the 'benefits lifestyle' in that I have lived in a council house on income support, rent paid, council tax paid etc etc..

I now am comfortably off, running my own business in a home I own - much of that is down to luck however, rather than skill!

I certainly wouldn't go back, the insecurity, the living from hand to mouth, the scraping together pennies for food, the worrying the electricity will go off before I can get any money on the meter.

Constantly in fear of brown envelopes and demands from the DWP.

Constantly in debt (and I was never as bad as some as I don't care about clothes or 'things' and didn't care my house was undecorated or carpetless and wasn't trying to keep kids in smart clothing, didn't have a smart phone or the internet etc etc), robbing Peter to pay Paul..

It is intensely stressful, my already poor mental health took a battering.

SO yeah, now I own a house and if the boiler dies I have a credit card to cope with that, but if its more than my meagre limit well Ill be cold, theres no landlord to ask for help there.

I work, freelance and its boom or bust, sometimes we are frightfully frightfully poor, sometimes theres buns AND jam for tea...

I still would NEVER go back there, no matter how much easier it might be (and I could, because I wouldn't pass anyones 'fit for work' test in a million years!).

I think the big concern is not that other people are better off not working and thats them 'getting away' with something or them being lazy etc...

THe big issue is that people in full time work SHOULD be better off, and if they are NOT better off, that needs addressing.

People should be paid a wage that they can live on, the costs of living should not be in excess of what you can reasonably earn.

Our whole attitude to employment sucks, quite honestly, with people not working to live but living to work, with employers expecting everything from employees and giving bugger all back. Toxic work cultures that don't allow people to live a life as well.

That is the problem.

"Maybe I am a little jealous that she gets to do nothing"

If it looks so great, make that choice for yourself then.

@LiveInAHidingPlace it's not as easy at that though, is it?
I don't get to keep my home if I decide to become unemployed. I don't have children and certainly wouldn't have them for the sake of claiming benefits.

THe big issue is that people in full time work SHOULD be better off, and if they are NOT better off, that needs addressing.

People should be paid a wage that they can live on, the costs of living should not be in excess of what you can reasonably earn.

Our whole attitude to employment sucks, quite honestly, with people not working to live but living to work, with employers expecting everything from employees and giving bugger all back. Toxic work cultures that don't allow people to live a life as well.

That is the problem.

Totally agree with that. It's all about the business and it's profit, forgetting that people are the ones enabling that profit, and people aren't robots.

And if you can get more not working, than say doing my job, which is actually pretty shit in most people's eyes (I'm wierd, I like it) but really quite physically hard, with responsibility you wouldn't expect and experience needed, then honestly, I can see why some people do it. We've had terrible trouble recruiting for the role, because it's hard work, and you can't live on the wage (it's f/t) I think we're struggling because people are thinking "No way am I doing that 40 hours a week, ending up aching and knackered each shift, for a wage that I can get the equivalent of in benefits while I look for something else"
But then I don't think the answer is cutting benefits, the answer is making sure people are better off in f/t work and not the same or (as I've experienced) worse off. That means businesses being socially responsible and paying decent wages while taking less profit. Can't see it happening somehow.
And a lot of the perceptions of working, benefits and lifestyle are based on inaccuracies.
I work nights, I spend 5 days a week in bed during the day. I leave when most people's curtains are closed and I get home after they've gone to work. I'm a single mum, and I live in social housing. From observations only, one of my neighbours labelled me as a lazy benefits, social housing single mum scrounger. They saw me let the dogs out in my dressing gown in the early afternoon most days I've been working the night before, see my curtains closed all day and jumped to conclusions. I put them straight when they shared their observations with me. But it's so easily done, my neighbours are retired and were busy ranting about how they worked all their lives, and still pay tax on their hard earned pensions, for the likes of me to lay in bed all day and be given money. They weren't amused when I pointed out that it's more likely, if they get a state pension, that my contributions support them because I work f/t and pay tax and ni. But they'd just made a snap judgment on what they'd seen, and they were determined to feel morally superior, and so got frothy and outraged over something that wasn't even true. They still hate me now.