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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Neighbour complains about us talking in our garden

118 replies

morningsarethebest · 19/09/2019 09:02

First time poster, long time reader.

I live in a typical suburby house in London, with DH and DD (4y/o). DH had a rare morning off work (he works long hours so this really was a treat) and so I made a full breakfast for us in our garden. As common in London, our garden is surrounded by other gardens, with high fences all around.

DD was playing, and DH and I were chatting about his work and a small problem I've been having ordering meds for my elderly father. Suddenly, our neighbour started yelling "yoohooo!" at us and waving something around to get our attention. She then asked us "yohooo! could you have your conversation inside? I can hear what you're saying!"

I didn't think we were talking loudly or about anything particularly gory/interesting/inappropriate. I was so shocked I did stop talking. and after that we didn't really feel like being outside, our family breakfast was ruined.

AIBU to think that my neighbour was bang out of line? It's a private garden, we weren't doing anything more than a conversation midmorning on a Wednesday. I just feel so annoyed! I felt even more annoyed when there was full on noise coming from her house the day after as she's having something done to her conservatory. Building noise but it's a lot louder (and 6 hours longer) than me and my DH having a chat!

Happy to accept and move on if I am unreasonable here.

OP posts:

SchadenfreudePersonified · 19/09/2019 11:00

Or just shove a cheap pack of ear plugs through her letterbox.

I was going to suggest this, too.

OR - go on the attack and buy a megaphone.

Simkin · 19/09/2019 11:02

If I hear my neighbours talking about something potentially private in the garden I just cough loudly so they know I'm there. Or I don't and just listen as I love an eavesdrop! But just assume she was being thoughtful. It's easier.

LagunaBubbles · 19/09/2019 11:04

In first post "it was mid morning"
Poster "What time was it?"

QueSera · 19/09/2019 11:17

What a horrible neighbour! Of course YANBU. It's your garden, you can use it for normal human behaviour such as talking and having breakfast. What is wrong with your neighbour that they think you must be silent in your garden??

hiphopchick · 19/09/2019 11:20

@SunshineAngel

Sometimes everyone's too busy to do anything more than grab a piece of toast on the way out.

Do people really DO that? Grab a slice of toast and walk outside for the bus or train, or to get in the car, clutching hold of a piece of greasy, bitty toast?!! I thought it was only TV and the movies. Never known of/seen anyone do this IRL.

Re the OP.

@morningsarethebest

Don't stay out of your garden. You have done nothing wrong.

The woman may have meant that she could hear everything you are saying and that she wanted you to know, and/or maybe she was embarrassed.

Next time say 'oh we're fine thanks. We don't care who hears our conversation,' and then stay where you are (in the garden,) and carry on chatting to your DH and DC.

FWIW I don't mind hearing peoples chatter outside, as I get to find stuff out Nosey cow here

Kazzyhoward · 19/09/2019 11:23

Some people don't realise how loud they talk. We can always hear our neighbours one side, down to every word, as they're just so loud. We never hear the neighbours on the other side, even though we know they're out - they talk a lot more quietly.

Same with talking on buses and trains - some people just don't know how to talk quietly - something the majority manage quite well. Coming home on the train yesterday, the people on the other side of the aisle were talking non stop - but we could barely hear a word despite being probably 3/4 feet away. It can be done.

DarlingNikita · 19/09/2019 11:25

BigFatLiar, none of the things you overheard in your examples are remotely like what the OP was talking about.

DamonSalvatoresDinner · 19/09/2019 11:29

Time to read fifty shades of grey out to your husband. That'll shut up miss "yoooohoooo"

verticality · 19/09/2019 11:37

I think your neighbour was rude and unreasonable. But I would react by dropping my voice a little bit. I also live in a house surrounded by other houses in a city, and if I'm sitting at a table with DH, we can still hear each other quite well, without whispering, at a volume that neighbours couldn't possibly overhear.

Wafflecopter · 19/09/2019 11:39

@Kuponut Sorry, the whole parrot thing did make me laugh.
My neighbours are the same, though luckily the husband works away a lot, so it’s only when he’s home they’re blasting music out still at 4am.

OP YANBU for talking in your garden at 10/11am, regardless of what it’s about and how loudly. I’d tell her to move away from the doors and windows if she doesn’t want to listen. Weirdo.

Nomorepies · 19/09/2019 11:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

Boysey45 · 19/09/2019 11:53

Just light a bonfire, that gets all the complainers out.

JorisBonson · 19/09/2019 12:02

The "yoohoo" has just given me images of Hyacinth Bucket

Butchyrestingface · 19/09/2019 12:05

Do people really DO that? confused Grab a slice of toast and walk outside for the bus or train, or to get in the car, clutching hold of a piece of greasy, bitty toast?

As a regular train commuter, I can confirm all sorts of uncouth behaviour, including ppl who bring their Special K and a jar of milk on the train and breakfast up in front of me.

Much clutching of the immitation pearls at that.

BigFatLiar · 19/09/2019 12:16

DarlingNikita No they're not but it was just to illustrate that things are overheard, perhaps things you don't want others to hear. It may be that the next door neighbour wanted to make it known she could hear the OP. I'm with many here in I haven't told NDN I hear their conversations as I don't want to risk being the busybody. (seldom hear much from the neighbours on the other side). I tend not to have many conversations outside as I'm well aware how easily they can be overheard.

If you don't mind everyone knowing your business then fine, otherwise be aware that what you say may be overheard. If you do live somewhere where you can't help overhearing others private conversations then don't tell them or you'll be the unreasonable nosy neighbour.

You can just imagine OP being in the local shop and someone now asking if she's sorted out the problem with the meds.

Loopytiles · 19/09/2019 12:18

She didn’t ruin the breakfast: she made a request (an unreasonable one IMO) and you had a choice about whether to comply.

madcatladyforever · 19/09/2019 12:22

My neighbour used to shout "Oi you" over the fence every time she had some trivial grievance.
I used to ignore completely as my name is not oi you shouted over the fence.
Eventually after some months she used to come to the front door and ask me politely.

CheeryB · 19/09/2019 12:22

My neighbour's husband is hard of hearing, and sometimes in the garden I can hear every word of their conversation just with my window open. It doesn't bother me at all because I'm quite nosey, but I do know a lot about their children and their relatives that they probably wouldn't make public. I'd like to find a way to let them know they're overheard but after this thread I probs won't call yoohoo and tell them I can hear every word. That would make me rude and unreasonable and lots of other nasty things apparently.

CarysRed · 19/09/2019 12:22

YANBU, god knows how she’d cope in my neighbourhood. Everyone knows everyone’s business.

CheeryB · 19/09/2019 12:27

Everyone knows everyone’s business

But isn't it important that everyone knows that everyone knows everyone's business?

EmmaLouisLou · 19/09/2019 12:38

She is being totally unreasonable, she could go inside if she didn’t want to listen to your conversation, or just ignore it! Next time ignore her and carry on talking.

We also live in London with a similar garden and had a neighbour complain that she could see my husband in our summerhouse from her kitchen, she blamed the summerhouse but like he said, she’d still be able to see him at the end of our garden whether we built the summerhouse or not and she’d insisted on lower fences when we’d wanted to put in higher ones! Also had a neighbour who complained that my husband got ‘his’ fence wet when watering our plants, he used to go outside every time we got the hose out and get in a massive panic about fence, DH just asked him what he does with his fence when it rains!

Applejack5 · 19/09/2019 12:38

I disagree with everyone who says that the neighbour was being thoughtful by letting OP know she could hear, as she asked them to take the conversation inside.

The neighbour was rude, and she should've gone inside where she couldn't hear it if she didn't like it. Should everyone who has a garden in close proximity to others never have a conversation in it?! Ridiculous.

I'd have told her to go inside herself if she didn't like it.

DarlingNikita · 19/09/2019 12:52

You can just imagine OP being in the local shop and someone now asking if she's sorted out the problem with the meds.

But she probably doesn't care, seeing as she didn't mind the neighbour hearing her. My point stands.

ScreamingBeans · 19/09/2019 12:53

She needs to go and build a house in a big field if she never wants to hear her neighbours talking in their garden

Skyejuly · 19/09/2019 12:58

I'd just completely ignore her and pretend she wasnt there

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