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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour complains about us talking in our garden

118 replies

morningsarethebest · 19/09/2019 09:02

Hi

First time poster, long time reader.

I live in a typical suburby house in London, with DH and DD (4y/o). DH had a rare morning off work (he works long hours so this really was a treat) and so I made a full breakfast for us in our garden. As common in London, our garden is surrounded by other gardens, with high fences all around.

DD was playing, and DH and I were chatting about his work and a small problem I've been having ordering meds for my elderly father. Suddenly, our neighbour started yelling "yoohooo!" at us and waving something around to get our attention. She then asked us "yohooo! could you have your conversation inside? I can hear what you're saying!"

I didn't think we were talking loudly or about anything particularly gory/interesting/inappropriate. I was so shocked I did stop talking. and after that we didn't really feel like being outside, our family breakfast was ruined.

AIBU to think that my neighbour was bang out of line? It's a private garden, we weren't doing anything more than a conversation midmorning on a Wednesday. I just feel so annoyed! I felt even more annoyed when there was full on noise coming from her house the day after as she's having something done to her conservatory. Building noise but it's a lot louder (and 6 hours longer) than me and my DH having a chat!

Happy to accept and move on if I am unreasonable here.

OP posts:
lifecouldbeadream · 19/09/2019 10:14

In your own garden at 10.30am- what horrorShock

Seriously though- she’s completely bonkers.....

Birdsfoottrefoil · 19/09/2019 10:16

Might the neighbour have been more concerned with WHAT you were talking about and felt it should be dealt with more confidentially?

messolini9 · 19/09/2019 10:25

She then asked us "yohooo! could you have your conversation inside? I can hear what you're saying!"

That's as unreasonable as you calling out "Yoohoo! Could you go inside? we are having a conversation!*

Neighbour is rude, intrusive & entitled. Small wonder her comment caught you on the back foot. If she does it again, call back cheerily:
"Could you not call out over the fence, it's very rude"
& have done with her.

macem · 19/09/2019 10:27

OP, you're a Star. A rare poster on AIBU who takes notice of the answers.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 19/09/2019 10:29

Or maybe she is just a cow? OP you are so much more of a nicer person than I am! I would have said excuse me ..what do you mean? and called her out on it there and then, then told her to do one back over her fence!Had she continued I would have escalated things and told her in a very un lady like manner what she could do with herself.Totally rude and unacceptable behaviour from your neighbour.Sod her in future do as you wish.On a weekend here in warm weather we have one elderly couple next door sat in their hot tub with the Best of Shania Twain on repeat it seems and on the other side we have a lady on her own who continually it seems likes to bang her bin lid down for about 2 hours!! Live and let live I say they all seem happy enough,in return they have to put up with my daughter who is 7 and shouts mummy look at this,,daddy look at this as she is on her trampoline ..Your neighbour would hate it here if talking bugs her!!!

messolini9 · 19/09/2019 10:31

To everyone thinking like this:

I think she was just warning you that she could hear. A nice thing to do

No, it wasn't out of "niceness".
She told OP to go inside. She called over the fence, issuing instructions, as if someone died & made her queen of the back gardens.

MissPepper8 · 19/09/2019 10:32

What a rude woman! YANBU at all.

I would if said, sorry were enjoying the sunshine and our garden right now, well be gone soon enough.

She can't tell you what to do and she doesn't have a leg to stabd on if she decided to make noise complaints. Carry on using your garden op

Lemonlady22 · 19/09/2019 10:34

You should live next to my neighbours, one kids screaming, one kid crying, dad on speaker phone so the whole neighbourhood knows his business, mum shrieking in high tone, then the loudest oven alarm ever telling three doors down their dinner is ready, they are a family that cant do anything quietly, even telling their children to 'make as much noise as they want'....i just put my music on really loud to drown it out (they tell me not to cut my grass when baby is having a nap too) weird people PS. do not ever get bifold doors cos they act like a megaphone for the outside world!

Peanutbutterforever · 19/09/2019 10:34

I'd give her the benefit of the doubt on this one. If she does it again, just reply "it's OK, we're not talking about anything private" and stick to your guns.

Moondancer73 · 19/09/2019 10:35

Cheeky cow! I'd start talking very loudly about sex. Can't abide people like that. What does she think your garden is for - looking at through the window?!

SplintersOnTheFence · 19/09/2019 10:35

Perhaps your neighbour thought that your fathers health matters were private and you should be more discrete

Moondancer73 · 19/09/2019 10:35

@JoxerGoesToStuttgart exactly!

BlingLoving · 19/09/2019 10:36

This is one of my pet peeves. Neighbours who jump down another neighbour's throat for the smallest "infraction". You are allowed to talk in your own garden. I can completely sympathise that she might have found it irritating/intrusive. But tough cheese - that's the reality of living in suburban london. Suck it up. It's also extremely unlikely, based on your post, that this is something that happens more than once in a blue moon. She needs to get over herself.

Xenia · 19/09/2019 10:37

I think she was just alerting you to the privacy issue. She probably wouldn't have minded if you were just talking about the weather. I think it was helpful of her to alert you to the fact that she could hear every word.

You can certainly talk in your garden of course!

Most of all just try to get along with the neighbours as it is so upsetting for both sides when neighbours fall out.

Rachelover60 · 19/09/2019 10:38

YANBU!

BlueJava · 19/09/2019 10:44

Unless it was 5am, you were at opposite ends of the garden and were shouting at each other YANBU. Our garden is also very close to other gardens - in fact we hear our NDN all the time because they have large open doors on to their garden. I assume they hear us too. But it's never bothered me - I have said to them if we make too much noise then tell us, but they just say that they think they make the most noise! So we co-exist very happily. I can see it will make you uncomfortable if you are in danger of being "yoohoo'd" though! However, I'd continue - it's your space, just keep it quiet but continue having breakfast out there.

timshelthechoice · 19/09/2019 10:46

She wasn't being helpful because she told you to move inside. If she were just alerting you to the fact she could hear you that's all she would have said, and it's hardly a privacy issue because she doesn't know your dad from Adam. FFS. She's a nosy cow.

Inebriati · 19/09/2019 10:50

If you want to pretend you live on a country estate with no neighbours for miles at least go detached.

DarlingNikita · 19/09/2019 10:50

I swear some people willing twist things to make the OP be the one in the wrong.
I know! I don't believe for a second she was trying to say that the OP was talking about sensitive private things that she didn't want to overhear. For fuck's sake, she lives in London surrounded by other people's homes and gardens. What does she expect? The polite and normal thing to do is turn a blind ear.

I'd have smiled frostily and said 'No,' mildly and carried on.

Tweetingmagpie · 19/09/2019 10:51

I can’t believe you actually went inside! Grow a backbone op!

BigFatLiar · 19/09/2019 10:52

I live in a house with neighbours (shock!) and I can hear what they're talking about in the garden (small gardens). For precisely the reasons shown here I haven't mentioned it to them. You try to point out that you can overhear and you become a busybody.

I've heard their daughter talk to them of wanting to leave he husband (who's a nice man) because she's fed up. They're still together. She said it was because she was fed up, I also heard her on her phone to her 'friend' arranging to meet when her OH was away.
I knew the neighbours husband had cancer before she told the family.
We've always got on reasonably well but when new neighbours moved in they had drinks outside and I heard them tell the new neighbours just what they thought of me (not so nice).

When you have smallish gardens next to each other then unless you take turns on using your gardens you need to be aware that they're not that private.

messolini9 · 19/09/2019 10:52

I think it was helpful of her to alert you to the fact that she could hear every word.

As the OP also lives there, & has neighbours with gardens, it's just plain weird to assume she needs instruction that voices are audible.

abigailsnan · 19/09/2019 10:52

You are certainly NBU I would invite over your little ones friends for a morning playdate 10am-12 and see how she likes that she would hate to live next to me when my grandchildren visit during the week and open up my shed for their garden toys.!!

spanglydangly · 19/09/2019 10:52

Honestly, this is a new level of batshit neighbours! You can't hold a conversation in your garden at 10.30 am?

Ok, if she insists it's because of your "privacy" then play a radio at the same time, she won't be able to hear then.

Don't back down to this type of person, honestly they'll drive you crazy with their demands!

@Funghi what was the purpose or relevance of your comment? YABU for such a pointless and totally unhelpful comment.

MrsPellegrinoPetrichor · 19/09/2019 10:53

Of course she wasn't alerting you to a privacy issue, she'd have just shut her door/window,she was telling you to be quiet!

Smile,wave and say hello and leave it at that. She needs to live in a field not London if she wants scilence, good grief!