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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour complains about us talking in our garden

118 replies

morningsarethebest · 19/09/2019 09:02

Hi

First time poster, long time reader.

I live in a typical suburby house in London, with DH and DD (4y/o). DH had a rare morning off work (he works long hours so this really was a treat) and so I made a full breakfast for us in our garden. As common in London, our garden is surrounded by other gardens, with high fences all around.

DD was playing, and DH and I were chatting about his work and a small problem I've been having ordering meds for my elderly father. Suddenly, our neighbour started yelling "yoohooo!" at us and waving something around to get our attention. She then asked us "yohooo! could you have your conversation inside? I can hear what you're saying!"

I didn't think we were talking loudly or about anything particularly gory/interesting/inappropriate. I was so shocked I did stop talking. and after that we didn't really feel like being outside, our family breakfast was ruined.

AIBU to think that my neighbour was bang out of line? It's a private garden, we weren't doing anything more than a conversation midmorning on a Wednesday. I just feel so annoyed! I felt even more annoyed when there was full on noise coming from her house the day after as she's having something done to her conservatory. Building noise but it's a lot louder (and 6 hours longer) than me and my DH having a chat!

Happy to accept and move on if I am unreasonable here.

OP posts:
swingofthings · 19/09/2019 09:27

Or maybe she was being nice pointing out that she could hear what you were saying thinking it was personal and didn't want others to hear and she was pointing out to you that everything could be heard.

Why do so many people take a victimised approach the moment someone points something out?

mankyfourthtoe · 19/09/2019 09:29

Put a talky radio on next time so she can't say she can hear your conversation.

Kaykay06 · 19/09/2019 09:29

Your neighbour is a weirdo
I’d have been tempted to tell her where to go, cheeky bitch
Just ignore her in future nutter

SemperIdem · 19/09/2019 09:30

Very weird behaviour from the neighbour. I’d ignore her in future.

dottiedodah · 19/09/2019 09:31

If you see her again say "hello" and leave it at that ,if she says anything then just say politely that you like eating outdoors and dont talk about anything private!.She is very lucky if thats her only problem TBH!

CheerfulMuddler · 19/09/2019 09:34

SWBU - you're perfectly entitled to talk in your garden.

However, I do think people sometimes forget that you can hear everything in terrace gardens. I know far more about my neighbour's personal life than I think she sometimes realises, thanks to her habit of sitting in the garden talking on her phone. It is a bit annoying sometimes, if I'm trying to read out there or something, but I'm sure my kid playing in the garden is just as annoying to her, so I wouldn't dream of complaining.

Catsandchardonnay · 19/09/2019 09:34

You need to do something quickly to establish the ground rules, otherwise this will be awkward. Make sure you keep using your garden, and keep chatting, and if she says something again tell her politely that you intend to use your garden for conversations and you don’t see anything wrong with that.

WonderWomansSpin · 19/09/2019 09:36

I agree with a PP. You started talking about your DF's medication and she thought she should let you know that other people could hear. From her pov, she had no way of knowing what other medical information you were about to divulge! Or she could have been half listening and thought you were talking about a different kind of 'drugs' and she didn't want to be an accessory Grin

TheRobinIsBobbingAlong · 19/09/2019 09:37

I'd just ignore it and carry on as usual. If it ever happens again just a cheery "Helloooo, no worries, we're not talking about anything private" and continue your conversation. If she then goes on and says she doesn't want to listen to your chat then you will need to be assertive and tell her you're perfectly entitled to sit chatting in your own garden. Third step, if she continues, is to suggest if she doesn't want to listen then maybe she should be the one to go inside.

HiJenny35 · 19/09/2019 09:38

I'd have to make a point of going back out there and chatting again as I wouldn't want her thinking that she could stop me talking in my own garden. I'd simply say "please don't be so rude, we are talking in our own garden and you are disturbing us, please go inside your house if you don't like it"

timshelthechoice · 19/09/2019 09:39

I'd have completely ignored her and carried on talking. So many wallies on MN. Just nod at her in the future. She does it again with the yoohoo and can you have it inside you just say 'No' if you can't get a backbone to tell her anything else.

Funghi · 19/09/2019 09:39

YABU to call it a ‘family breakfast’. It’s just breakfast.

Artus · 19/09/2019 09:41

I also wonder if she just wanted you to be aware she could hear your private conversation. Just as you have every right to talk in your garden she is under no obligation to leave hers when you are speaking. If you are happy for your conversation to be heard then no problem

macem · 19/09/2019 09:47

I think she was just warning you that she could hear. A nice thing to do.

I've heard all sorts over my fence, I wish I could unhear some of it.

EnriqueTheRingBearingLizard · 19/09/2019 09:47

Keep using your garden and should it happen again, smile, say good morning and reply that she needn’t worry, it’s nothing private, then look away and carry on.

YABU to let something like that spoil your breakfast.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 19/09/2019 09:48

I also wonder if she just wanted you to be aware she could hear your private conversation

Surely in that case she'd have just said that rather than ask OP to have the conversation inside

Kuponut · 19/09/2019 09:52

10.30am - not unreasonable.

The twit I live next door to who is out there every fucking night playing music and drinking and ranting his opinions (direct from the Sun newspaper) until the small hours followed by parties every weekend where they get trollied and sit there singing under our bedroom window till 3am = fucking unreasonable as fuck. We’ve had to move the kids into the other bedroom as his garden noise is so intolerable and every single bloody night from about March until end October (they get a fucking gazebo out there if it’s raining so they can still do it) - he even brings the fucking parrot out in its cage to sit out there as well and join in.

Cinammoncake · 19/09/2019 09:52

They're probably embarrassed if you're talking loud and it feels like they're overhearing your whole conversation if the garden's are tiny. If you're okay with that then I guess it's fine.

Drum2018 · 19/09/2019 09:58

I'd also imagine she was letting you know she could hear and that you might not want people hearing about your father's meds. If she was being nasty she'd hardly have called yoohoo, she'd have just asked you to keep it down or shut up. You could have replied that you weren't talking about anything confidential (although your dad might beg to differ) so it didn't matter if she heard.

swingofthings · 19/09/2019 10:03

Surely in that case she'd have just said that rather than ask OP to have the conversation inside
Why would she assume that it would be taken badly.

If my neighbour had said this, I would immediately thought that she was referring to the fact she could personal information rather than complaining I was loud.

I too can't believe the things I hear from next door, especially when one neighbour speaks in a foreign language she doesn't know I speak too!

Original poster
morningsarethebest · 19/09/2019 10:07

Hey,

Thank you all for your replies, really appreciate it. Perhaps she was trying to warn me that she could hear when I was talking about dad, I don't remember everything we'd said but it was basically around me trying to reorder his perscriptions in London to send to a different county and Boots screw. it. up. every. time. anyway... I feel much less annoyed/judged if I think about it that way. and you're right, I do need to be more assertive (DH would agree too!)

Have a lovely day MN!

@Kuponut Angry that sounds awful! anything you can do?

OP posts:
SayItLoud1 · 19/09/2019 10:09

At 10.30am YANBU.
Better than midnight talking loudly into your mobile in your back garden like my neighbour does. You should have told her to stop eavesdropping and go back inside!

TheCanterburyWhales · 19/09/2019 10:09

"weirdo" "cheeky bitch" "nutter"
Really? Hmm

Op, as others have said, it does seem like she was just letting you know she could hear private sensitive stuff.

She was probably embarrassed more than anything.

SunshineAngel · 19/09/2019 10:11

@Funghi You don't actually sound like a very fun-ghi at all :(.

I know exactly what she means. Sometimes everyone's too busy to do anything more than grab a piece of toast on the way out, so getting to sit down and enjoy breakfast is indeed a family breakfast. No need to be a Debbie downer.

IncrediblySadToo · 19/09/2019 10:12

I swear some people willing twist things to make the OP be the one in the wrong.

IF she was worried about the OP’s privacy she could have shut her window! She ASKED the OP to GO INSIDE , that’s not concern over privacy.

Talking in your own garden at 10:30 am is a perfectly normal thing to do. Yes, it’s a little irritating if you can hear it next door, but that’s life in suburbia!