to do something about DH's eating (arfid)

[Gannicusthemannicus]

Since DP was about 3, he has only eaten plain pizza, chips, just anything beige and plain. He does not eat any fruits, veg, or any meat that isn't in a burger or a nugget. He is also very defensive of it, unless I catch him in the right mood so it is very difficult for me to ask questions about it, he says that's just 'how he's always been'. He was diagnosed with mild ASD as a child, mainly based on his eating and when I mention his eating, or we go to an event where they don't serve his foods, I can see he immediately panics about the idea of trying things and will instead not go.

Having seen the interview with the blind teenager on this morning, I am more concerned than ever and I believe he has ARFID, either with or instead of ASD.
I also have a very healthy diet, and was brought up in a strict house where my parents forced me eat everything, and told me kids who were picky had weak parents. I know this isn't true but I worry its making me unsympathetic. On the other hand, I do wonder if its become so bad because no one pushed him to try and just accepted he didn't eat as a child.

I've asked him to take multivitamins but all the help I've seen is for children. How do you get help for an adult with ARFID, or should I just leave him be? I'm so worried that he is cutting years off his life with his diet.

I think with missdrew it’s a case of “truth hurts” when people point out her disablist views

@MissDew stop trying to derail a helpful thread with your own ignorance.

No ones going to apologise to you. If anything you owe everyone else an apology.

Talking about slander on a public forum....mn batshit at its finest.

Hi everyone, wow that's a lot of messages.
First thing, I quoted DH with the 'mild ASD' directly. He personally does not believe he has ASD and neither do his parents, but thought I'd mention as related to food textures. He is absolutely not a project, I don't want to change him, I just don't want his organs packing up! If a nutritionist told him he was healthy as can be I'd completely let it go.
I have thought very long and hard about our relationship in the past, and he is so worth any difficulty around food. I think I misrepresented him a bit - he gets defensive and will give excuses to events because he's embarrassed and wants to eat foods but he is sick and gags when he tries so it's difficult. He does not tantrum, and he is the least controlling person I've met. I appreciate people being honest but I've made my choice. Our children eat a full range of foods as he doesn't want them to be like him. He really does hate it, but I can see its easier for him to continue eating beige things than face his fear,which is why I feel the need to prod him a bit.
There is some really good advice on here, thank you very much. I will step off, and let him decide what he wants to do.

As others have said, OP, this is not an easy fix, it is a long term. I hope he gets the support he needs.

My ds has arfid, this is how his dietician refers to his restricted eating. He is disabled (he has a rare syndrome) and part of his disability is the arfid - which (for him) is a complex knot of a problem. To see arfid referred to as it has been on this thread is very frustrating, and comes from a place of ignorance.

I do wish MNHQ wouldn’t delete posts.....I’d rather have that ignorance highlighted.

Gannicus - is there the possibility that he would consider any fortified foods that might supplement his diet nutritionally (ds had some prescribed by his dietician)?

The OP's partner sounds very like me in a way. I never knew there were other people like me. I could cry just knowing I'm not alone. I never thought there was a name for it. I had thought it might be a sensory thing, so I guess I was on the right track. It's not so much about the taste, for me, it's partly the texture and the gagging and fear of choking the food up in front of other people among lots of other things.

I've been shocked at some of the 'leave your partner' type comments. I'm relieved there are compassionate and accommodating people out there, like my husband. If we're going to someone else's home for a meal, he will have a private word and ask them to prepare a dish with the meat that I can eat. He saves me so much awkwardness and embarrassment. There aren't any words to Express how much I appreciate him for what he does.

I do eat a few more things than I did as a child, and I take vitamins to help make sure I'm not deficient.

OP, please try to support your partner. Repeatedly bringing up the subject probably will just make him feel even worse about himself.

Talking about slander on a public forum....mn batshit at its finest.

I HAVE GOT RIGHTS

Implying that people with a recognised disorder are jumping on bandwagons, making stuff up and acting like whiny children is ignorant and disabilist.

I have ARFID, I had hypnotherapy to help and it has been extremely difficult. It's also nice to know the nasty, horrible and ridiculous thoughts people have about me due to my eating disorder. I don't tantrum and whine, it's extremely embarrassing so I try my best to not draw attention to it, I'd love to be normal and have never refused to go somewhere or prevented someone else going because of food. Don't be so bloody stupid.

Op, your dp can only get over it if he wants to. I know several people with the same disorder and I'm the only one who has anything like a normal diet and can try new foods. It does take many months to try a new food though, and a huge amount of willpower with the knowledge that it could make me vomit, put me off food for days or cause nightmares.

MissDew you mean libel.

@booboostwo - yes it’s libel, though not applicable here. Here’s to barrack room lawyers. Where would we be without them.

@Booboostwo - I was referencing MissDew btw not you!

You also need to apologise to me for your false accusation. I will NOT be treated like this.

Nope. Your views are ignorant and disablist.

Go on. Sue me!

I will NOT be treated like this Then don’t make ignorant comments about disabled people. Until you stop, I will continue to pull you up on them.

I HAVE GOT RIGHTS So do those with disabilities.

I thought

You also need to apologise to me for your false accusation. I will NOT be treated like this.
was the most batshit thing I’d seen on MN for ages until I saw I HAVE GOT RIGHTS

As a PP has said people with disabilities also have rights and we should speak out against ignorant diabilist crap.

SauvignonBlanche I feel as if I want to shout that on every thread that people disagree with me on. You’d better agree with me as I’VE GOT RIGHTS!

I could feel the power of Grayscull flowing through me! 😁

I've just had a lightbulb moment- this is me. I have massive sensory issues with food and have done my whole life. I spent 3 years eating the same breakfast, lunch and dinner. I can't eat anything other than a small number of safe foods if I'm stressed or in an unfamiliar environment. Until I met DH I happily ate the same dinner every night. I still would if it didn't drive him up the well.

I have improved massively over the years- I can now eat carrot! (Although it has to be crunchy and tiny matchsticks or grated) but left to my own devices would pretty much eat the same things all the time. It has been a slow process- trying tiny bits of stuff at a time. Usually off DH's plate as it felt safer.

I'm definitely off to read some more to see if there are any suggestions about managing when stressed as that's the killer for me. I travel a lot for work and find it so hard to eat away from home.

Your DH sounds just like my friend in terms of eating habits, OP. What was a real turning point for her several years ago was having blood tests at the GP. Although she is slim and looks great her blood results were appalling and worried her enough to seek professional help - she was afraid that her children would be left without a mother at far too young an age if she didn't radically change her eating habits. She was also afraid that they would start to become like her with their eating but they eat a full and varied diet prepared by her DH thankfully.

It has been slow slow progress, lots of trial and error and baby steps, but she had made good progress and her blood results are very, very much better than they were. Her DH has been very supportive indeed in preparing foods that he thinks she might "succeed" with and in celebrating her successes.

To the posters who asked about milkshakes, juices, fortified drinks, they are all a very strong no for DH unfortunately. Also I'm really happy this thread was able to help other posters view their restrictive eating differently too and hear about ARFID.

Is anorexia classed as a disability? Is ARFID? Just wondering. I would have thought it's probably not classed as one though. Being in the DSMV wouldn't be relevant as that is just classifying mental disorders.

My son has ASD but he woukd definitely not be classed as disabled. Is ASD in the DSM? Anybody know?

ASD could not be a disability for some but be very disabling for others, see here.

OP your DH might want to try Pediasure. It seems to be palatable to a lot of children with ARFID.

NosingUpNisan there is list of disabilities, nor should someone try to compile one. For something to be a disability you need to consider how it affects a person’s life and ability to function within a given context. I am very short sighted, but this is easily corrected with glasses so I am not disabled. In a world without glasses I would be disabled.

Some people with anorexia may be disabled, as can some people ARFID, as can some people with sensory disorders and some autistic people. Yes ASD is in the DSM. For a really interesting account of the development of the diagnostic criteria for ASD see Silberman’s Neurotribes.

Contact a clinical psychologist who specialises in ARFID.

Both asd and arfid are very much disabilities for ds.

I don’t think anyone would argue that someone needing long term, possibly life long, tube feeding wasn’t disabled wokld they?

Both fall into the group where even if by definition it’s not a disability many people with the conditions are disabled by them

A question, and not an inflammatory one I am genuinely interested. For those who have this condition, or whose children have this condition, are the foods that they do eat generally the same colour and processed?

In Ds case no.

Typical day for him at the moment

• apple for breakfast if we are lucky
• packet of Asda ready salted crisps and apple for dinner (only on school days)
• two rich tea biscuits.

-bowl of strawberries and grapes

Sometimes he will have an egg. Sometimes he will have a buttons ice cream