to do something about DH's eating (arfid)

[Gannicusthemannicus]

Since DP was about 3, he has only eaten plain pizza, chips, just anything beige and plain. He does not eat any fruits, veg, or any meat that isn't in a burger or a nugget. He is also very defensive of it, unless I catch him in the right mood so it is very difficult for me to ask questions about it, he says that's just 'how he's always been'. He was diagnosed with mild ASD as a child, mainly based on his eating and when I mention his eating, or we go to an event where they don't serve his foods, I can see he immediately panics about the idea of trying things and will instead not go.

Having seen the interview with the blind teenager on this morning, I am more concerned than ever and I believe he has ARFID, either with or instead of ASD.
I also have a very healthy diet, and was brought up in a strict house where my parents forced me eat everything, and told me kids who were picky had weak parents. I know this isn't true but I worry its making me unsympathetic. On the other hand, I do wonder if its become so bad because no one pushed him to try and just accepted he didn't eat as a child.

I've asked him to take multivitamins but all the help I've seen is for children. How do you get help for an adult with ARFID, or should I just leave him be? I'm so worried that he is cutting years off his life with his diet.

www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/types/other-feeding-disorders/arfid

For anyone interested in educating themselves rather than just judging

@Sirzy I hope your little boy will be able to start trying new things soon. You must be beyond worried.

I started trying a couple of different things when I was 12 and a few more in my teens.

I hope he does too.

My son had a very restricted diet, was adamant that he couldn't swallow or digest most foods (claimed to be allergic once he'd heard of that concept). Interestingly as a toddler he wasn't a fussy eater at all, he would hoover anything up. It seems that one day he just decided he only wanted his favourites, and over the months, that anything else would make him sick. If we cajoled him into even a mouthful of a forbidden food he would claim to be about to vomit, and as he got older, he would retch and try to be sick. But we did try. Stand offs lasted days. I honestly believe if we'd followed the oft-given advice not to feed him at all until he ate what was given, that he would have starved to death. There were no signs to indicate otherwise.

As trying to increase his diet caused such anxiety for him and us that we just left it, since the things he would eat, although very limited, meant that he never got medically underweight (although he was skinny).

This went on from about 5 to 15, at which point he simply decided for himself that he had to vary his diet. Perhaps he was experiencing the social consequences of a highly restricted menu. Who knows, he won't tell us. Anyway he has worked very hard at it, and now eats a LOT more types of food (although not anything on the menu by any means). More importantly there are some new food he even enjoys! (Mealtimes have been miserable for him for so long this is a joy to us all).

My conclusion is that a lot of people with food fears get the will to tackle the problem themelves, indepedently, as they get older.

Btw ignore the ignorants. I’ve been married 19 years and it hasn’t been a nightmare for him.

Best of luck.

For the record I agree. The whining and tantruming about food will be only the start.

Won't go to an event because they don't serve the kiddie food that this so called adult can eat. WTAF ? So that means you don't get to go either. Fuck that shit.

Why don’t you stop spouting bullshite before you prove further how utterly ignorant you are? Totally vile and disablest comments.

Funny how many people come out in defence of 'eating disorders' but the man bashing carries on unabated and actively encouraged.

Funny how many people come out in defence of 'eating disorders' but the man bashing carries on unabated and actively encouraged

Man bashing seems to be a mumsnet requirement I've noticed.

I have this and I am more than aware how unhealthy it is making me and would love to eat better but I just cannot and have found no help whatsoever
Anyone who has had any therapy privately or nhs could you please give me any further information? I need to know further about how to treat this. Any self help books or podcasts I could use?

I also don't know how you got with him if he only eats junk food. Chips. Pizza, burgers and nuggets. However you did. And this is who he is. If he's not willing to seek help or do anything to change it, then I think you just need to accept it really.

@MissDew it's a recognised condition. It's certainly a disability to me and those around me. Don't get so pompous about being called out on your ignorance

How do you know whether someone has ARFID or is just fussy? Sorry not trying to offend but I had genuinely not heard of this till today. I remember as a kid quite a few kids we knew had strange eating habits but they pretty much all grew out of them. Is it related to trauma with food or something?

I’m sorry, OP. But he’s an adult and you cannot pressurise him, fix him or get him help. He is the only person who can get himself help.

You cannot ask him to change - he has to want to do it.

All you can do is say that you worry about his health, and that you really want him to stick around and live a long life, and that you understand he can’t help it. But that if he was willing to give it a go to try something to overcome his phobia, you would be with him 100% of the way.

Yes it's a recognised condition: www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/types/other-feeding-disorders/arfid

The OP is married. I'd imagine if it were such a terrible deal breaker for her, she wouldn't have married her husband.

I wonder if you are so intolerant of people with anorexia as well?

My brother has always eaten a very beige diet, never eats veg, mainly eats pasta, potatoes & cheese, will sometimes have a steak or the meat, potato & yorkshire pudding components of a Sunday dinner. He is super overweight but doesn't have type 2 diabetes or high blood pressure, I eat everything & anything but he can't sit next to me if I'm eating anything with onions or lots of veg. No known ASD either.

I have a mild degree of ARFID, but it’s only with one particular type of texture so I can still get a full range of nutrients and no-one notices as I just avoid these foods. But if something with this texture is on my plate then I will have real issues eating anything on the plate.

My youngest DC is the similar. All their food has to be separated on their plate, even if they eat everything on the plate. I couldn’t serve a bowl of salad, for example, the lettuce would have to be next to the cucumber, not all mixed together. DC will eat each thing separately, cucumber first, then lettuce, then potatoes etc. They can’t go from one to another.

Weird family.

Don't get so pompous about being called out on your ignorance

I am not ignorant. Come down off your pompous high horse. How dare you call me pompous when your response is as pompous as they come.

Yes it's a recognised condition: www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/types/other-feeding-disorders/arfid

Condition yes, but not disability. Some posters need to get their facts right.

If my son with arfid hadn’t been “lucky” enough to have a feeding tube fitted 3 months ago he would have been at risk of dying.

Instead of coming out with such ignorant crap why not take a second to educate yourself

He's not just being picky, OP. People with ASD have sensory processing issues, which means that because of the way their brains have developed they have trouble processing and interpreting information that their brains receive. That could be anything from tolerance of loud noises to coping with the taste of food that isn't very bland. He obviously has to want to change that in order to access therapy for it, but "wanting to change" is not going to work miracles, any more than wanting to have 20/20 vision will cure shortsightedness. Pushing him as a child wouldn't have helped either.

It might help to think of it as what it is, a physical condition that requires specialist therapy from someone who knows what they're doing to improve, rather than some sort of act of laziness or lack of gumption on his part that he can fix through willpower.

I do sympathise with you. I had a boyfriend with ARFID and whilst I didn't mind him eating whatever he wanted it did get wearing when he also didn't want me to eat stuff that I enjoyed (e.g. garlicky food). If we'd ended up together permanently, though, and everything else had been OK, I wouldn't have minded shoving some chicken nuggets in the oven and stealthily blending veg into sauces.

NB: he was pushed very hard to eat as a child and the result was a lot of near force-feeding followed by a lot of vomiting. Awful.

MissDew you are ignorant and disablist. ARFID has been in the DSM for a while and is part of eating disorders. Claiming that it is made up, or insignificant, or that sufferers should just get over themselves is pretty much the essence of disablism. You are also not particularly adept at understanding concepts: a condition that causes impediment in leading one's life is a disability. ARFID causes such an impediment as is therefore a disability. What counts as a disability rightly has such a broad definition because it covers all sorts of different things, from chronic, to short term, to recurrent, from painful to painless, from those that reduce physical function to those that affect mental wellbeing, etc. ARFID can limit a person's physical and mental wellbeing as well as affect their social interactions, therefore, for some people, it is a disability.

you are ignorant and disablist

Booboostwo - I am neither of those things. I have reported your post. I would also remind you that there are enforceable laws regarding slander in Britain.

You also need to apologise to me for your false accusation. I will NOT be treated like this.