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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is being UR

81 replies

PupsAndKittens · 19/09/2019 02:16

Hi, I am caught in a really horrible situation. Basically I am meant to be going to Nottingham tomorrow with my friend who is moving to uni, however there plains have changed meaning that I will have to now miss college on Friday. My parents have said they will be extremely angry if I do this and I should not be going. I told my friend this and her mum have called me a selfish shit and, how I should be there for her and that I should sacrifice 1 day of college. she also said as that I am a adult and should not be controlled by them. My best friend has told me that she really wants me there, and TbH I won’t get another opportunity till Christmas so I eventually agreed. My parent are furious and told me that they would stop giving me my money.

My farther has just woken me up screaming in my face that I will be expelled if I go to Nottingham, but my best friend has said If I don’t go out freindship is ruind. Please help, I can’t win this situation someone is going to get hurt WWYD

OP posts:
Msfartypants · 19/09/2019 02:20

Your friend is being unreasonable. Can she go to Nottingham with her mum so you are able to go to college and you can visit her at the weekend?

Original poster
PupsAndKittens · 19/09/2019 02:28

@Msfartypants I would love to do that, however unfortunately, I don’t drive, and my parents will not go any further then London (we live in Colchester, Essex). The whole point was I would help my friend unpack, as well as being Emotional support for the mum on the way home (I was happy to do this). My friend also want me to come to freshers with her. Confused

OP posts:
EileenAlanna · 19/09/2019 02:34

She's not being a friend to you & her mother is being diabolical. Your father is way out of line screaming at you but he's right in that you need to go to college.
Your "friend" is likely to meet a whole new set of people at uni but wants someone around at first so she doesn't look like a Billy no mates & you could well find yourself being dropped anyway before long - she sounds a bit of a user.
Don't jeopardise your own future for her or anyone else.

EileenAlanna · 19/09/2019 02:38

WTF????? The whole point was I would help my friend unpack, as well as being Emotional support for the mum on the way home
Has your friend 2 broken arms that she can't take things out of suitcases & boxes? Her mother doesn't need "emotional support" with that foul mouth she has on her.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 19/09/2019 02:44

Your college education comes first.

Her mum says you are an adult and shouldn't be controlled by your parents, but she wants to control you and have you miss class so you can help her daughter unpack? And be emotional support for poor mum? It's time for mum and her daughter to grow up. They can support each other!

OooErMissus · 19/09/2019 02:45

The whole point was I would help my friend unpack, as well as being Emotional support for the mum on the way home (I was happy to do this).

What the actual....?!

Why would you be happy to do this? What's wrong with the pathetic woman?

snitzelvoncrumb · 19/09/2019 02:56

You need to go to college, your friend and their mum sound a bit toxic and I think you will be better off without people like that in your life. Your friend doesn't actually need you to go with them as they will have their mum, so don't feel bad.

Original poster
PupsAndKittens · 19/09/2019 03:00

In all fairness I asked if I could come back in June, however It wasn’t mentioned since. I saw her a few weeks ago for bank holiday and asked if I was still welcome- they said no as I would be “too difficult” (travel sickness- depends on temperature) and they wanted it to mother and Daughter only- I respected this and didn’t bring it up since. Last week in the pub they tell me that they have changed their minds and they do want me to come. They told me that we would be going and comeing back on the same day (Thursday, which is my day off college). They then tell me that they will be saying overnight but they will definitely get me back by 1 (half day at college), they then said I would have to miss a day, and they didn’t like my answer (No!)

OP posts:
Alicewond · 19/09/2019 03:00

Your parents are right, out your own education first. She doesn’t need you, she will or won’t adapt to uni, having you there will make no difference. And what she told you makes her sound very selfish and not like a true friend

YDraig · 19/09/2019 03:00

All sounds very needy on their part. Stay home and go to college.
That said your dad sounds like a nasty piece of work as well waking you up at this hour to scream at you? Confused

Sorry you’re going through this but you must put your education above this needy friend and her strange mother!

TheKarateKitty · 19/09/2019 03:02

Go to college. Your so called friend and mum are doing what the mum accused your parents of doing (being controlling)!

Calling you a “selfish shit” should have been the clincher. She’s horrid.

Actionhasmagic · 19/09/2019 03:07

Go to college!!! You need your education and literally no one arrives at uni with a friend. That’s the point you go and make friends. My family dropped me off at uni and left straight away because 3 girls knocked on my door and they were my best uni friends in the end

brummiesue · 19/09/2019 03:32

Your dad woke you at 2am screaming in your face? What an abusive twat, is he usually like that??!

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 19/09/2019 03:50

You'e surrounded by selfish wankers, I'm sorry to say.

You definitely should not go! Everybody will be new and alone at uni when she arrives, and the whole point of freshers activities is to get to know people. You'd be actively being unhelpful to her getting settled in to uni if you went to keep her company. Plus you might not even get in to half the stuff without uni ID. She doesn't need two of you to help her unpack, that's RIDICULOUSLY Diva of her.

Her mother is being a manipulative cow, I can't really believe her brass neck. Emotional support? She's the sodding adult, its completely unfair to ask an 18(?) year old friend of her daughter to be her emotional support crutch, she needs to get a grip and if she needs support ask one of her own friends. As for a mother trying to insist a young adult takes time off college unnecessarily, words fail me.

Your father is an abusive tosser for shouting at you in the middle of the night, but the point he is arguing is right. You shouldn't miss college for this.

It was good of you to offer when it suited on your day off. They changed their plans, and now it no longer works for you. Any friendship that is fragile enough to be broken by you declining to be manipulated into taking a day off college for unnecessary "support" of your friend and her mum, isn't really worth desperately trying to hang on to.

FuckFacePlatapus · 19/09/2019 03:58

You will not be expelled for missing 1 day at college, and your friend is going to Uni, not the other side of the world. I think you should stop relying on your parents for money, and do what you think is right without being guilt tripped or screamed at by either party. Your an adult, start speaking up for yourself.

Butchyrestingface · 19/09/2019 04:01

Your father’s behaviour is terrible but presumably you need to stay on the right side of him for the time being and finding new friends is an easier order than finding new parents.

Your friend and her mother sound unreasonable and frankly, awful, so I would sack the pair of them off full stop. Go to college.

Original poster
PupsAndKittens · 19/09/2019 04:18

@FuckFacePlatapus The money is technically mine as I have a disability and it is my pips

@Coffeeandchocolate9 we will both by 20 next month, she reset yr 12, and I kept changing Colleges/ courses

OP posts:
Durgasarrow · 19/09/2019 04:35

Your friend is a big girl. She can unpack her own belongings. In fact, she can have fun unpacking and arranging her belongings in her new environment while meeting new people. She doesn't need you. As for the mother, why does she need a teenager for "emotional support"? You're not a therapist. She's an even bigger girl.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 19/09/2019 04:46

They're completely taking the piss out of you in so many ways.

Go to college - once this girl has gone to University she can make new friends and you'll probably be dropped like a hot potato.

You should not have been put in this position by your so-called friend and her very dodgy mother - your parents are being overbearing in their methods of trying to prevent you going but I believe their reasoning is sound - why should you disadvantage yourself to help someone who is likely to never return the favour, or even stay friends with you?

No, go to college like you should be doing.
Friend's mother can cope just fine.

FrancisCrawford · 19/09/2019 04:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SplintersOnTheFence · 19/09/2019 05:15

Why do you not have control of your own PIP allowance. The clue is in the name Personal Independence Payment.

Coyoacan · 19/09/2019 05:17

I'm sure your friend is lovely but her mother is a "selfish shit".

Apologise to your friend and go to college. You might miss a vital part of the course by not attending.

Original poster
PupsAndKittens · 19/09/2019 05:18

Because my parents don’t want me too and said I would not cope 🙄

OP posts:
OMGshefoundmeout · 19/09/2019 05:57

Your friend, her mum and your parents all sound abusive and controlling. Whatever you do you will pass someone off so you might as well please yourself. At least then one person will be happy!

That being said, your parents do seem to have your best interests at heart. Your education is more important than helping your mate unpack and being ‘emotional support’ to a woman who called you a ‘selfish shit’.

I think deep down you know you would be better off going to college - you only agreed to this when it was going to be Thursday. The only reason you are having second thoughts is the emotional blackmail and abuse you are getting from your so-called ‘mate’ and her family.

CupoTeap · 19/09/2019 06:00

You can't please everyone in life.

This is where you need to make a decision that may affect the rest of your life - you can't be a people pleaser and be happy!

My advice, go to college and work on a plan to get out of your parents home.