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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Teenage boys, automatically up to no good

81 replies

gabsdot · 18/09/2019 19:32

My neighbour went into hospital on Monday do myself and my kids have been taking care of her dog. We've been going in several times a day to feed him and play with him and we've been taking him out for walks
This afternoon my 15 year old son went over with 4 friends to play with the dog. He let himself in and they all went inside for about 10 minutes.
When they came out a man from the house across the road started giving out and told them that if he saw them again he'd call the police.
I went round to have a word with him and explain that they had my permission and he said it didn't look good for the area to have teens going in and out of houses. I got the sense that the fact that 3 of them are black didn't help.
I keep thinking of what I should have said to him. I was way too nice to him.
So when you see a group of teenage boys do you assume they're up to no good.

OP posts:

Thecapturefan · 18/09/2019 19:36

Depends how they’re acting. Some can make you feel uncomfortable, some don’t.

I don’t think it was right to let them all in the house though.

Bunnybigears · 18/09/2019 19:37

No I dont but teenagers are alwys up to no good but if I knew my neighbour was in hospital and 5 15year olds went in to to her house I would probably be a bit suspicious as well. Is your neighbour aware your son is inviting his friends into her house?

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 18/09/2019 19:37

This is something I feel passionately about. Everyone loves little boys. They're cute. But as soon as they become teenagers a depressingly large proportion of people seem to think they're thugs or just up to something. Perfectly acceptable 11 year olds turn into potential law breakers.

But of course the kids themselves are the same as they were. In your case I wish I could be sure that there was no racism in the man's suspicion.

chickenyhead · 18/09/2019 19:42

I don't think that you were right to let the whole group go in to her house YWBVU

BornInAThunderstorm · 18/09/2019 19:42

To be honest if I had trusted you as my neighbour and your kids who were known to me that would be fine, but not sure I’d be happy about you allowing someone else's teens to let themselves into my home unattended.

It’s not about the teens being automatically up to no good, for me this is a matter of trust- she has trusted you with her home, not invited you to let lots of other people in

JourneyToThePlacentaOfTheEarth · 18/09/2019 19:44

I feel the same as prawn it makes me sad to think my teenagers will be wrongly accused of stuff just for being boys and black. They're good kids. Recently a waitress in a coffee shop chatted to my son and his friends and gave them pastries that would've gone to waste otherwise. They felt really good about the experience so my husband drove there to thank her. It's so rare that it was worth a special thanks

SplintersOnTheFence · 18/09/2019 19:45

YABU to let his mates into her house.

If something goes missing, gets broken, you will be held accountable.

Ohflippineck · 18/09/2019 19:45

No, I wouldn’t think they were up to no good. Why would you just assume so?

Divebar · 18/09/2019 19:46

It’s not that I think teenage boys are all up to no good it’s that a lot of people up to no good are teenage boys

Soubriquet · 18/09/2019 19:48

I want to say no of course, but to be honest, a group of people together can put me on edge.

Especially if it’s a group of teens or men.

I wouldn’t say anything, but I would be much more aware of my surroundings

MuttsNutts · 18/09/2019 19:48

No, I don’t. But if I trusted you with the key to my house I would not be pleased that you had allowed strangers (to me) into my house without my prior knowledge and consent.

And that would stand whoever they were.

LL83 · 18/09/2019 19:49

I wouldn't allow my teenage son to take friends round unless neighbour had given permission.

If I was ill in hospital I would be grateful for dog walking but disappointed/upset that people I dont know are in house. I would probably not say anything as you had been helpful too but I would not be happy.

Evilmorty · 18/09/2019 19:49

Bring the dog to your house if it’s lonely, don’t let strangers in to her house. How awful.

BlueWonder · 18/09/2019 19:50

Yes, I know someone who went with a group of 14-15 year olds on geography fieldwork. A boys group and a girls group in different streets but the same area/same activity -, measuring pavement widths. The girls group was given drinks of lemonade on a tray by a kindly resident. The boys group was reported to the police by neighbourhood watch.

Oysterbabe · 18/09/2019 19:51

I wouldn't want an unsupervised gang of teenagers going into my house while I was away, male or female.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 18/09/2019 19:54

I think it's lovely of you and the DCs to help out like this, but I'm not clear on why four strangers needed to accompany your DS ... maybe you could clarify?

Saddler · 18/09/2019 19:55

Why are his mates in the neighbours house? That's wrong

Spingtrolls · 18/09/2019 19:56

I would be really pissed off if my neighbours' son invited his mates into my home.

TSSDNCOP · 18/09/2019 19:59

The teenage boy element absolutely wouldn’t bother me, although it seems there are people who think they’re all out to rob or impregnate everyone they come into contact with.

I’d be pretty cheesed at you giving the ok for 4 strangers going into my house whilst I was in hospital though. DS could’ve brought the dog to your house or the park to play.

Evilmorty · 18/09/2019 20:01

The other thing is that you’ve sort of done them a disservice yourself. Because if anything goes missing, even innocently, they will get the blame because the other neighbour has seen them going in to her house unaccompanied. No adult was there to advocate for them.

Sportsnight · 18/09/2019 20:01

I don’t think your main point is unreasonable but like everyone else can’t believe you think it’s ok for your son to take 4 friends round to your neighbours house. I would absolutely hate it.

SweetMarmalade · 18/09/2019 20:05

YABU letting your Ds friends go into your ndn house. I wouldn’t be happy with this either, regardless of whether they were male/female, black/white etc. Your other neighbour was just looking out for his neighbour.

I have a teen Ds and if someone had entrusted me to look after their dog & house there would be no way I’d allow his friends to go with him! I trust Ds & whether his friends were girls or boys, I wouldn’t let them tag along.

willstarttomorrow · 18/09/2019 20:09

This is so depressing. I work with troubled teens as part of my job. Most are amazing young people full of potential. All have been massively let down by their families and society in general. They have been through and survived more than most adults I know. They need some one to show respect and believe in them, not automatically believe the worst. Of course if they behave in an anti-social way then they need to suffer the consequences, but they are not adults with an adult reasoning (or sometines appropriate role models) so also need guidance and support.
Teens in groups can feel intimidating (and act very differently than when alone) however maybe people need to question their reactions rather than automatically assuming they are up to no good. Most are just normal kids from loving families (such as those parents on mumsnet). We have all been there and it is a bloody difficult and uncertain phase in life without unwarranted judgement. If this was a group of 'nice' white, middle class girls going into the neighbours house then I doubt your other neighbors (or some previous posters) would have been so quick to jump to assumptions/ critisim.
OP, you know these young people and have used your judgement as to whether they can be trusted. You know you are resposable. If I was in your neighbours position I would be really grateful that they were there to help out. It is also a reminder that our young people (between the hormonal outbursts and despite their brains not yet have developed an adult level of emotional intelligence) are empathetic and caring future adults.

HeadintheiClouds · 18/09/2019 20:12

Awful of you to give your 15 year old the key and let him bring a gang of mates round! I’d be so bloody angry if I found out someone I trusted with a key had done that

ShawshanksRedemption · 18/09/2019 20:14

I think it very much depends on how the group of teenage boys are behaving if I'm honest.

I would have wanted to find out from your neighbour across the street why he was feeling that 5 boys coming out of a house wasn't good news for the area?. Was it their behaviour? What exactly were his concerns? Did he not recognise your son? Did he feel it wasn't good behaviour for your son to have 4 friends round into a empty neighbours house?

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