To ask for top tips on raising a child to sleep well?

[SmoothLawAbider]

We have a just-turned-3-year-old who was truly an awful sleeper until about 6 months ago. Woke 5+ times a night, breastfed to sleep until age 2, etc. etc. neither me nor DH slept a full night for 2.5 years. I blame a lot on ourselves, we were parents of a PFB and hated seeing her cry at any time.

When I got pregnant again we vowed to do things better this time, to put him down awake so he could learn to fall asleep by himself, to nightwean quite early, to not rush in the second he makes a sound. To make our lives easier in the long run. But now he's nearly a month old and it's hard to distinguish when/how you should do these things vs. when you should just do what he wants! I feed him every 2 hours overnight at the moment because he's a newborn and that's what you do with a newborn, right? Feed on demand?

So basically, those who raised good sleepers and nightweaned early, any tips? Things to do and at what age?

My one top tip was to make sure you give birth to a child who wants to sleep. I truly believe there are some babies who just will be poor sleepers, and those that are great sleepers, and another whole bunch in the middle. I know that's not helpful and not really answering what you are asking, but we tried everything with my DS, where my friend DD slept through from 4 weeks. There was no logic to it as we did so many similar things!

Roll with what your child needs, especially when so tiny. And then keep your fingers crossed. Good luck!

Oh I agree with you there! But I'm sure that there are SOME things you can do to help or hinder in most cases. Just to give yourself the best possible chance!

There are things you can do to encourage the development of good sleeping habits like a bedtime routine, it doesn't have to be rigid or to the clock, just a loose pattern of wash-teeth-pyjamas-story-bed to build that association between those actions and then going to sleep. Make night time boring when they wake up, so no going into other rooms (excluding the loo), minimal chit-chat, minimal lighting, zero excitement.

But.

Your baby is a month old. Really don't worry about any of it for many months yet.

My one top tip was to make sure you give birth to a child who wants to sleep. I truly believe there are some babies who just will be poor sleepers, and those that are great sleepers, and another whole bunch in the middle.

This too.

A large portion is down to luck. I have four DC, two were amazing sleepers with one of those two sleeping a 10pm to 7am strwtch from day one, one was a normal sleeper who would wake every 3-4 hours for a feed, and one was a horrific sleeper capable of staying awake all night long and did not sleep right through the night until the age of 3.

Number one was ff, strict routine, pfb - didn't sleep through until she was 2. Clearly, this was my fault. My guilt over not being able to breastfeed meant I over compensated and made a rod for my own back or at least that was what everyone told me.
Number 2 was ebf, fed to sleep, strict routine but co-slept sometimes because getting up and bfing was just as tiring as ff. Switched to ff at 6 months because clearly, I had made a rod for my own back again (with my boobs this time!). Didnt sleep through until she was 2.
I want to tell you there is a magical solution, trick or strategy. In all honesty, I think it is luck of the draw. Good luck!

Understand that getting yourself to sleep is a skill (just like walking and talking) that has to be learnt. Routine, bed at the "right" time, being left to go to sleep from a very young age by themselves, darkness/blackout blinds all help.

Well OP, I brought up my son almost exactly the same as you did your first.

He slept through from 11 months.

It's pure luck.

My one top tip was to make sure you give birth to a child who wants to sleep.

Never use the crib or bed as a punishment.

I think the only thing you can do is have a nice, loose bedtime routine, and only try to put them to bed when they’re actually tired. Other than that.....who knows.

I also massively lowered my own expectations of how much sleep I would get (after about 9 months of trying to ‘fix’ my baby’s sleep). Some kids just need you more in the night than others.

Hope your new one is one of life’s sleepers!

As daddy was away working most of the time we went with a very loose bedtime, at 18 months it was bath, change and a blanket down stair, the warmth of a cuddle had them out in 30 mins and would carry to bed.
I have two slug a bed teenangers who Love their beds.

I have two slug a bed teenangers who Love their beds

Not wishing the time away or anything... but that sounds like a dream!

As a newborn, mine were fed every 2 hours for about 2 weeks, then we quickly moved on to 4 hourly feeds at 6am, 10am, 2pm, 6pm, 10pm, 2am etc....by 12 weeks had dropped the 2am feed and they slept through. Helped to give them a thicker bottle before bed then. Had a routine of bottle, bath, bed, walked into their room, put them in cot, turned off light and walked out, shutting door behind me. No night lights or anything to distract them. No fuss, no bother. Both were brilliant sleepers. Had the odd night where they cried, would walk in, lie them back down in cot, dont engage, and walk out. Worked brilliantly.

My DS was not a sleeper so I'm holding onto my theory that it's just luck in desperation!! I do think there are things to promote a good sleep association though. I'm praying that if we have a second DC they are a better sleeper, I just don't know how I'd cope with a toddler and a non-sleeping newborn!

I could never be bothered with fighting over bed times, they do change and enjoy quiet me time.

Meh. Keep feeding to sleep and don’t let them cry if that’s what feels natural to you.

I did the exact same as you and DD started sleeping through at 11 months. I do think a bath every night helped. And we did start giving her a bottle in her cot to help her settle at about 10 and a half months, as she needed some time completely alone. I still got to breastfeed but would give her a feed about 5pm then start winding her down. I fed to sleep for naps but not often during the night unless she woke up teething.

I think it’s one of those things. Expect the worst and hope for the best!

I have a 2 year old girl and an almost 3 month old boy. My advice is don't set a strict bedtime. Some days my dd has a nap some days she doesn't. If she hasn't had a nap she will go to bed earlier 7ish rather than 8 or 9ish.
DS tends to stir for a feed at 11pm ish, 4pm ish and 7am ish. I feed on demand and feel lucky that he is quite a good sleeper. As others have said I think a lot comes down to luck.

Others have mentioned about routines etc, but I would also say parents need to be calm and settled, and show that through actions (slow actions) and low tone voice. Babies can pick up on emotions very quickly, they have to for survival, so ensure you're also in a calm place mentally too. If things are regularly frantic, lots of shouting, fraught etc, then babies will feel that emotion and be unsettled growing up.

ime not much you can do apart from sticking to a sensible routine,
dc1 was (still is) a good sleeper - my god was I smug.
I had to take it all back after I had dc2 as dc wasn't sleeping through the night until 3 yo...

My first was exactly like yours, my second, now a year, I made an effort to do less rocking and put her down to let her fall asleep herself more etc. She was great til 4months and it all went the same way as DD1. By 8/9mo and being up hourly with a 3yr old to also care for, I was on my knees and did gradual withdrawal sleep training. I was so anti sleep training with my first! But with second I had learned to be more ok with my kids shouting and complaining at me when I laid boundaries- which is mostly what her reaction felt like. She very quickly started sleeping through and has done since. I still worry a bit because it’s so weird, in my world babies do not sleep 12 hours!! We nightweaned at the start before doing the training and it was really easy, but she’s not boob obsessed like my first.

But yours is tiny - I still feel the best thing is to give babies whatever they want until at least 6 mo, thereafter you can start to think about how you expect them to fit in to family life. I think at 1mo everything is still so up and down don’t worry, nap and bedtime patterns do start to emerge and you can start to bring in loose routine like others have said.

Definitely mainly down to luck. Dc1 was a pain to get to sleep and still is aged 11. But once asleep is out for the night. Dc2 finds getting to sleep easier. But didn’t sleep through the night consistently until they were 4/5. Though did have periods of nailing it in between.

**My one top tip was to make sure you give birth to a child who wants to sleep. I truly believe there are some babies who just will be poor sleepers, and those that are great sleepers, and another whole bunch in the middle.

Sorry I just don’t agree. My son was a terrible sleeper. BF to sleep, woke every hour at night, wouldn’t sleep at all during the day etc etc. At 10 weeks I started following the blissful baby expert and by 15 weeks he had 3 solid naps a day, and slept 7-7 with a feed at 11pm that I wake him for. I put him down in his cot awake for all naps and he honestly smiles himself to sleep. ANYONE can have a baby that sleeps well, you just have to find a routine that works for you and stick with it. Be consistent once you’ve decided to start sleep training and accept it’ll be hard but totally worth it

Mine was rubbish at sleeping. Ages to settle, milk-grazed through the night, up early. Never napped for more than 20 mins at a time in the day, and 40 mins total.

She started nursery at 13 months and I was looking forward to discovering that the lack of naps was my shit parenting and they’d fix it.

Nope. All the routine in the world made no difference. Several weeks in, her just laughed and said “she doesn’t sleep!” and got on with playing quietly with her in the baby room whilst the others slept for an hour or more.

She’s 12 now. Throughout her years so far she has always had a bedtime 1-2 hours later than her peers, and been up 1-2 hours earlier. She just doesn’t need the same amount of sleep.

I did all the bath, bed, book stuff...

Nowadays she’ll settle herself and sleep through - but for less hours than most. It’s nice really, all that extra time together in the evening.

My sister has 6 kids and definitely says it’s all bollocks - you get what you get!

Oh and my other sister has one, has never tried any routine at all, slept brilliantly from day one.

Black out blinds help. By all means try out suggestions, but if they don’t work - don’t blame yourself!

My ebf DS slept through the night from when he was absolutely tiny - like 7-8 hours per night. I had to wake him to feed him. We thought we’d nailed it and then he turned 5.5 months old and teething started... now we’re lucky if we get 2 or 3 hours in a row. (Just glad we weren’t unbearably smug back when he was sleeping through )