Husband lying in bed all day...

[Migrainefun]

Name changed as very outing.
My husband and I have 3 kids under 4, he has been depressed for a year, he revealed this when he was caught gambling and put 3000 on a credit card (he did sort this out) and recently has told me he's been self harming. Our relationship has been rocky recently and whenever I try to end it he seems to reveal more self harming to me and I am feeling like I can't do anything at the moment without the threat of self harm or depression.
He's also had a lot of migraines in the last 6 months, when he gets one he suddenly announces he is going to bed for the day. They are now weekly and so all our plans are cancelled and I am looking after the kids. I work 3 13.5 hour shifts (days or nights) a week and he is a stay at home dad. I have rheumatoid arthritis and have been struggling a lot recently but I'm having to ignore this at the moment because of what's going on.
I took him to the Drs as I was worried. He's has an mri which is clear, so no brain tumour, he's been diagnosed with migraines. He's had the treatments changed 3 times which I have sorted out for him.
I have asked whether I can get childcare (a family member) for the days I'm at work as I am worried about when this happens when I'm at work, but he's said no and says I am being ridiculous. If I moan he says "but you're not at work so what's the problem?" but I am exhausted. I'm exhausted from work, my arthritis and I do all the housework on top because he can't cope with extra work, I also do all the meal planning and shopping and most of the cooking. I feel like I am tiptoeing around because of this depression and self harm, and I can't cope with having the kids on my own 1 to 2 days a week on top of working long shifts and running a business (I forgot to put this detail in earlier) especially with my arthritis at the moment.
What do other people with migraines do??
I've asked if I can be the stay at home mum and he goes to work but he will never keep a job with needing 2 days a week unexpectedly in bed.
I would love to stay in bed as some days I can't write or bare weight on my foot but I have to get up and just get on. What the hell do I do? I hate my life right now and hate this relationship! I know i sound like a cow but I can't do this.

Hi OP
I'm sorry you are in so much pain and exhausted.
You can't carry on,you know this.
Your first stop is to end this 'relationship '.He is being immature,very selfish,extremely lady and being manipulative.
With him gone a weight will be lifted from your shoulders.
He is playing mind games and you need to stop feeling sorry for him and put you and you dc first.
Life will be so much better once he is out of the way.
Don't fall for any sob stories or talks of suicide,he is attention seeking.

Lazy not lady!sorry.typo.

How is your house owned?

What a twat. You are burning out in pain, but how dare you force him to see the docs about his MH!

The only good thing is that he is unlikely to demand full custody of the kids as a SAHD when you finally do see the light and divorce him. Spousal maintenance is also becoming more rare by the sounds of it - at 50/50, there should be no child support payable.

I would seek the solicitor's advice as soon as possible. I would also ease back on the secondary business as there's no point in you almost killing yourself if he is going to depart with half of the assets for none of the work.

You would be better off without him financially, emotionally

I've had horrid migraines, I still managed to work FT

I would give him a deadline to get a job & sort himself health wise out or separate
You are being too sympathetic, too accomodating, too nice

@HadT0CancelAga1n

If you could still work full time with migraines, I'd be very surprised.

Do you mean, you worked full time despite potentially suffering from one
Or
You worked full time whilst you were having one?

My mum used to suffer with migraines. She'd be sick as a pig all weekend, no bright lights, she couldn't do anything. Bloody awful to watch as a child.
I had to call the doc out one day and he ended up giving her such strong painkillers, she ended up hallucinating!