DD has no time for homework!

[bluetictac]

Well not exactly...

DD2 (15 year old) is in Year 11 at school and she’s got her hobbies every night after school. She’s a competitive show jumper and rides almost everyday after school. She goes straight to the yard from school on the tube and that takes 30 mins to get there and another half an hour to get back. So one hour travelling, then she’s at the yard riding, helping people, chatting, doing horse care, having lessons, hacking etc. So she usually isn’t home until 6/6.30.

Then we have dinner and at the moment it’s fine as she can eat in her room and do her homework whilst she’s doing it because DH and I have jobs at the moment where we aren’t home until 7/8PM so we don’t all eat together as our other children don’t mind either, we are self employed/contracted work.

But when we do eat together we aren’t done with dinner until 7 and then she needs to revise, do homework, shower etc. School gives DD an average of 1.5/2 hours of homework per evening and then she usually tries to do 45mins/1 hour of revision to keep on top in subjects she struggles in. That’s almost 3 hours each night.

She isn’t done until 10PM usually and then she needs to read, unwind, shower etc so she’s not asleep until 11PM generally. Then she wakes up at 6AM and 7 hours isn’t really enough sleep for her. She’s exhausted throughout the day.

Any clue how we can help her manage her time better? We’ve spoken about doing more on weekends but she goes to the gym with her friends on Sat mornings and then we usually go out as a family in the afternoon as it’s the only time we have together all week. On Sundays we either relax at home and take it in turns to take the younger DC to clubs or go together with the DC. DD meets friends on sunday as she can’t ever meet them after school and has a yoga class in the evening but does do hours of revision on sundays.

It’s all too stressful!

What is 'Family Time' in reality?

I spent too much time at the stables at that age (plus working, and with boyfriend). My GCSEs were ok, but I could have done better. My A levels were pretty bad. I eventually got to work at uni once I realised the horse career was a dream. Luckily I still got a decent place as the course was new they lowered the grades. My mum couldn't make me work though, I had to see it for myself.

I hope you've got some ideas from this thread OP. Principally, using time on the tube and later alarm in the morning. That should find her another hour each day to either work or rest.
But what strikes me the most is the little time that you and DH spend with DC during the week. I think they need more of your time. Your DD needs you to be vigilant to her needs, particularly her mental health. Does she need help in making sure she is using her evening homework/revision time effectively? I think it's crucial you keep the Saturday afternoon family time.

Reading the schedule it seems like there must be pockets of time at the weekend - maybe not one three hour chunk, but couldn't she find three hours spread across Saturday, say? Is she really going to the gym and then immediately, as soon as you're home, you go out for family time that lasts the entire rest of the day?

Check her Vitamin D levels too. She may not be getting anything from sunshine if she is always out at those hours (evenings rather than 11-3 which is when sunshine makes vitamin d in the skin) It can be a further cause of tiredness, and is quite a common deficiency in teens. She is probably covered up when riding too, although getting plenty of exercise outdoors, so no chance for sun hitting the skin. Government recommends minimum 400 iu (10mcg) a day for children all through winter. You can get it from supermarkets now, and often there isn't enough in a multivitamin.

But just because she enjoys and does well at a hobby - it doesn't mean you're aiming for the olympics! I do it for the love and enjoyment and compete to have something to work towards
It's like running, nobody says to give that up because you aren't going to run a marathon!
It can just be a hobby, even if you compete and run 10k or a half marathon

That’s an extortionate amount of homework.

Not if she's just a few months away from the GCSE exams and wants to get the best grades she's capable of.

As others have said, something has to give. The school work will get worse for A level and how's she going to do the horse when she's at Uni?

Never been into horses but I enrolled in "junior studies" at university while being in school. My days looked much like your DD's, especially during exam years. I am also like your daughter in the sense that I need a good 2h to get going in the morning, so wake up earlier to allow for a good snooze.
It is not something I would recommend doing for the rest of her life but having a couple of years like this here and there is pretty standard these days. The important thing is to re-charge afterwards, e.g. take a gap year, don't overdo it during Fresher's year,..., otherwise she will burn out.

Remember, this is also the time when she learns to manage her time and committments like an adult and there will be some trial and error. It sounds as if she mostly got it under control. Looking into alternative revision methods might help, as not all methods work equally. Personally, I would also shift extra revision to the weekend rather than during the week on top of homework.

Oh, and maybe have her thyroid checked, especially if she is on birth control. Mine started to act up around that age and I was a walking zombie until it was treated.

So coming from a former horsey person, and someone who did gcse's at the right time, quit a levels and is now doing a bsc as a mature student.
You can re do academics as an adult when you know what you want from life IF it goes belly up.
Revision at this point where there won't be any exams til may is fairly pointless and a waste of time. If she's really struggling at certain subject extra tuition of an hour to gain understanding is more effective than 5 hours of memorizing things she's doesn't get. It won't sink in.
The homework does seem excessive, but she may not be working effectively perhaps ask the school what the expectation is re time taken over homework.

Look into that method of 25 mins work 5 mins break by setting an alarm rather than trying to get the while lot done in a large block.
Weekend time doesn't seem to be overly productive, most people only get 1 true day off a week, there seems to be no horse or home work at the weekends?

Homework is not excessive I presume they haven't finished the curriculum?

It really is priorities OP.

Hours to get up, hours to go shopping with mates, hours of 'family time', hours of time on the train, hours of noodling about at the stables and its homework that's the issue??

I think it depends quite a lot what sort of level she's at with her schoolwork. If she's bright and likely to do fairly well anyway, the difference between (can't do the new grades, sorry) Bs and As or even A*s is not actually going to make all that much difference in her life. If it's a question of whether or not she will pass the exams at all, then that does matter, and she definitely won't want to give up the time to do re-sits.

I would not expect any year 11 to be doing 3 hours worth of homework every night. Some night, yes. But not every night for the whole year. I would be concerned for their mental health with that amount of sustained pressure. So my suggestion would probably be that she cuts back on the extra time studying beyond the actual allocated homework at this point. Nearer the summer, sure, start doing some more revision, but not now.

None of the teenagers I know did anything like 2-3 hours homework a night, my DS probably did 2-3 hours a week but he passed all his GCSEs & A levels & got into the Uni of his choice (obviously not Oxbridge ) it does sound an excessive amount of homework unless you are aiming to be a medic or lawyer. Are you sure she needs to do so much?

OP, what are her plans for next year? Is she staying on for A Levels? What grades does she need?

I totally agree that academic studies should not take precedence over everything else. My oldest dd is a dancer and whilst she has decided not to pursue it as a career, she has got so much out of her hobby.

There is too much pressure on kids to strive to get 8s/9s for GCSEs. Most school sixth forms don't require such high grades.

My middle dd has just done GCSEs and is of the view that they're not as hard as they're made out to be. She certainly wasn't revising in September. She worked over the Christmas holidays for mocks in January, then 'proper' revision didn't really start until Easter.

I would encourage her to get as much homework as possible done at weekends. But really she doesn't need to be revising now! Tell her to get the set homework done first.

Genuinely the most bonkers thread ever.

OP: there aren’t 36 hours in a day and it’s making my teenager stressed. What can we do?????

Sensible answer: do less

You say she’s revising subjects she struggles with in class. I dread to think what pressure she’ll be under by May. There’s loads of useful advice and different opinions from pps; I think , OP, that also you need a conversation with your dd’s class tutor before you settle on any particular direction.

Three hours homework after a whole day working at school is far too much. No one can concentrate for this long and it becomes counter productive after a while. I am an academic and I wouldn’t be able to do such long stretches of concentrated work.

3 hours is standard at academic schools. Not saying DD is, if she’s struggling with some subjects, maybe not.

3 hours really isn't standard. What is more common is that a child gets about 60-90 mins homework but faffs around, spends too long prettying everything up or just plain isn't working efficiently/is messaging on social media in bvetween completing tasks.

Before you know it an hours work has turned into two hours.

At academic schools I said.

And what do you determine as academic?

Ds used to attend and we have many friends whose children still attend a selective independent school. Ds's science tutor works at another selective private school in our area. Many children at ds's youth theatre attend a local grammar school.

The norm at these schools is 2-3 pices of homework per night each designed to take 20-30 mins to comeplete (unless you are doing art which is mind numbingly time consuming!)

I have a horsey daughter in her GCSE year too. We’ve just had to be more organised between us and DH and I help her out

She’s not interested in a career in horses but her pony still has to be looked after and worked - we still have her first pony as a retiree as well

We’re on DIY livery but our yard owner offers some services - we pay him to turn them out every morning. 3 week nights DH and I go up with her and do the chores for her while she focuses on riding. We help her out at weekends as well while she’s out competing - although round here the SJ season is coming to an end anyway

She’s not doing any revision yet. Our school did mocks in June. Revision starts proper after Christmas so we’ll have to look at it again then

DD has real issues with anxiety and stress so I want to keep the riding going as long as I can as it really helps her mental health, but it might have to take a back seat for a while

@seaweedandmarchingbands absolutely set your dcs up for the best future. On MN this means a cracking set of GCSEs, A Levels and a Russel group uni.

In reality life is different for some dcs. Not everyone will get to uni. And even those that do, not everyone will get a good degree from a good uni and go on to have a worthwhile and well paid career. Not every child is academic which is why there are alternative pathways now from year 9 onwards.

As long as she gets the grades she needs for the next step it doesn't matter.

And there are careers in equestrian circles beyond mucking out. And Charlotte Dujardin came from a pretty ordinary background, she made her name on the show circuit as a teenager, started picking up rides and got that lucky break. Her family didn't have the money to buy her ready made ponies, or even unmade ponies that were top class. She had average ponies that were difficult.

Locally a girl I know who had a similar background is on the Paralympic GB team.

I know a woman I rode with who gets paid a decent wage to ride for clients. Many of the trainers around me are fully booked for months at a time and charge £30-£80 an hour plus expenses.

Starting out is like any job, you start at the bottom and work your way up. You don't have to stay shoveling shit. If you are dedicated and determined enough you can make a career from it.

If the dd is academic it will give her more options. But if she isn't, and isn't ever going to be then she needs to focus on what she is actually good at.

She might be a genius. In which case horses should probably stay a hobby and she can pay someone to shovel the shit. But forcing unacademic dcs to be academic isn't productive. She can always pick up her education at a later date if she needs to.

The ones in the top chunk of the league tables, independent and state.

You teach at these schools Tatiana? Or have seen homework policies which specify that's the amount they give.

Or is your child stringing you along and not managing their time efficiently.

I’ve been to them, my children and nieces and nephews are their friends are currently at them.

I’m not talking about time management.

and not are ^^