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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take my three year old into the women's loos?!

126 replies

LulaLandry · 16/09/2019 14:00

Just that really. Went out to a farm park yesterday on my own with my three year old son and the loos available were male, female and disabled. I wasn't about to use the disabled loo and in any case someone was using it, so I did what I always do and took DS into the ladies, at which point I got a filthy glance from another woman and she said "he should be using the men's".

I was so taken aback I didn't even reply but the more I think about it the more I think how ridiculous this was. I am entirely supportive of female-only spaces but we are talking about a three year old child (who by the way does not look older than he is). He genuinely doesn't even have any concept of sex yet, he calls everyone "she". He's not old enough to take himself into the men's on his own.

Surely I was not BU?!?!

OP posts:
Sparadrap · 16/09/2019 15:28

What on earth did she think your 3 year old was going to do? She must have a very warped mind.

I take my big for his age 4 year old into the female loos all the time. No one has ever commented - presumably as there is nothing to say!

Crazybunnylady123 · 16/09/2019 15:31

You shouldn’t worry about other people, you are doing your job as a mother and keeping your child safe.
I would be raising eyebrows if he was going on his own into the men’s at that young age.

BarbariansMum · 16/09/2019 15:34

Hecateh you know that men use urinals for peeing right, not satanic rituals. And that men face the wall when using them so a little girl heading to the stalls with her dad isn't going to see anything.

Buyitinbamboo · 16/09/2019 15:37

3?! My 3 year old wouldn't be able to get onto a public toilet without me lifting her/a stool and she's tall for her age!

Bellsofstclements · 16/09/2019 15:38

What did she think he was going to do?!

Sceptre86 · 16/09/2019 15:38

She was being ridiculous. My ds is 2 and not yet potty trained when we start he will be coming in with me in the ladies when we are out and vice versa with his dad. My dd is 3 and I would not send her to the ladies toilets on her own as she would struggle to open and lock the door and would need help reaching the sink to wash her hands. Yanbu x

RavenLG · 16/09/2019 15:39

I don't know how you held your tongue to be honest. What a bloody stupid thing to say.

Nottheduchess · 16/09/2019 15:40

Just curious as to why you wouldn't use the disabled toilet? YANBU by the way, the woman was being ridiculous.

BertrandRussell · 16/09/2019 15:41

“Just curious as to why you wouldn't use the disabled toilet?”

Presumably because neither she nor the child has a disability?

Original poster
LulaLandry · 16/09/2019 15:41

I wouldn't use the disabled because I'm not disabled.

OP posts:
Upsiedasie · 16/09/2019 15:43

Of course yanbu!!

The woman is bonkers.

DadCanIHaveAZedgie · 16/09/2019 15:44

Of course YANBU. I have an almost three year old boy. Like fuck would I send him anywhere I can't see him, let alone the men's toilets. You were more polite than I would have been to her.

Shoutymomma · 16/09/2019 15:44

What the hell are you supposed to do with him when you get need a wee? Other woman should stay away from family friendly places, the stupid bint.

Hedgehogblues · 16/09/2019 15:48

How did she even know he was a boy?

Maryhadalittlelambo · 16/09/2019 15:50

Oh my god, YANBU!!! Who lets a three year old go to the loos alone?! That’s terrible. What a cow

BarbariansMum · 16/09/2019 15:50

I'm all for use of the disabled toilet by those with a wide range of access needs but if every mother out with their small son, or father out with his young daughter uses them, then those who actually need them wont actually get a look in. If by 8 your child still needs help with toiletting, that's when the disabled toilet becomes appropriate

Maryhadalittlelambo · 16/09/2019 15:51

Just curious as to why you wouldn't use the disabled toilet? YANBU by the way, the woman was being ridiculous
If you’re saying she’s not unreasonable, why question why she didn’t use the disabled loo? She did nothing wrong, why should she have used the disabled loos? OP didn’t mention a disability Hmm

BertrandRussell · 16/09/2019 15:51

This woman obviously had issues. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

Original poster
LulaLandry · 16/09/2019 15:54

I would never use the disabled loo. My husband has crohn's, I have seen first hand how awful and humiliating it is if he can't use the disabled because an able-bodied person has commandeered it. Even when DS was a baby in a pram, if I needed the loo I used to take him out of the pram, fold the pram and take him in the ladies with me, I didn't use the disabled.

OP posts:
LondonJax · 16/09/2019 15:54

The woman's an idiot. End of story. As you were.

meccacos2 · 16/09/2019 15:58

He’s a three year old child!!! Far too young to have him in the men’s toilet alone.
The woman was an asshole. I would have told her where to go.

missbattenburg · 16/09/2019 16:07

She a bloody loon.

You're a responsible mum.

'Nuff said Grin

Neveam · 16/09/2019 16:09

No. Toddlers go with a parent whoever that may be, mum or dad.

Did the idiot woman expect you to either leave him standing outside on his own or for you to wait outside while he anxiously navigates the men's toilets where strangers are?
Either way you're a bad parent. 🙄

user764329056 · 16/09/2019 16:10

What an idiot woman, I would have given her a mouthful I’m afraid!

yomommasmomma · 16/09/2019 16:13

Ignore her, she is a moron!