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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to take my three year old into the women's loos?!

126 replies

LulaLandry · 16/09/2019 14:00

Just that really. Went out to a farm park yesterday on my own with my three year old son and the loos available were male, female and disabled. I wasn't about to use the disabled loo and in any case someone was using it, so I did what I always do and took DS into the ladies, at which point I got a filthy glance from another woman and she said "he should be using the men's".

I was so taken aback I didn't even reply but the more I think about it the more I think how ridiculous this was. I am entirely supportive of female-only spaces but we are talking about a three year old child (who by the way does not look older than he is). He genuinely doesn't even have any concept of sex yet, he calls everyone "she". He's not old enough to take himself into the men's on his own.

Surely I was not BU?!?!

OP posts:
Waxonwaxoff0 · 16/09/2019 14:46

I still take my 6yo in the ladies and if anyone said anything like that to me about it they'd get an earful.

rattusrattus20 · 16/09/2019 14:48

Three years old. Don't give her a second thought.

DarlingNikita · 16/09/2019 14:48

TBF I saw the same woman tutting over something random in the cafe a bit later so maybe she was just mardy.

Yeah, she just needs a life.
Did you say anything? I think a flinty stare and a tweedy 'Don't be so silly' would be the thing here.

And YANBU. obviously. A 3-year-old, for heaven's sake!

Original poster
LulaLandry · 16/09/2019 14:49

I have terrible anxiety and doubt myself all the time Bertrand. I can't always tell if something is reasonable or not.

OP posts:
Teddybear45 · 16/09/2019 14:50

Was he misbehaving or trying to open doors / look under partitions? While I agree 3 is too young to go by themselves, if my son was being inappropriate in the ladies or making another child uncomfortable I wouldn’t be taking him in and would either plan trips with a male partner / friend or not going out with him at all until he grew out of it. Experienced a number of instances recently with my 7 yo neice where she was asked about her panties by 5-8 yo boys who went into the loos with their mums and were left unsupervised while the mum used the loo. DN was left feeling really uncomfortable and as the boy was invading a female space -the mums should really have escorted them out before using the loo themselves

Original poster
LulaLandry · 16/09/2019 14:50

I'm 31 so probably not quite in biddy territory yet, not that I much like that term :)

OP posts:
PhilSwagielka · 16/09/2019 14:50

YANBU, my mum used to take my brother into the ladies' with her when he was little. It's safer.

Original poster
LulaLandry · 16/09/2019 14:50

No he wasn't misbehaving, just walking into the loo quietly holding my hand.

OP posts:
Nonnymum · 16/09/2019 14:51

Of course you should take him into the ladies. I take my 5 year old grandson in as well as 3 year old no one has ever said anything. The woman was being veey unreasonable. You can't send a 3 year old into the men's alone and I won't send a 5vyeat old in either! That is ridiculous as well as potentially dangerous.

CoinOperatedBoy · 16/09/2019 14:52

OP does he look much older than 3?

I've never had comments but my 3 year old could easily pass for a year younger, and the bus driver thought my 7 year old was free on the bus (that's younger than 5 right?!)... so maybe that's why I've never got comments?

stucknoue · 16/09/2019 14:52

I believe the law has 8 as the cut off point, very tall 5 or 6 year olds could face such comments but not at 3

Aderyn19 · 16/09/2019 14:57

I used to take my boys into the ladies or use the disabled ones once they were at that awkward age where other women might not like them in the female loos but they were too young to go in the men's unattended.
Yanbu - your DD is 3! Some people just like to moan for the sake of hearing their own voices.
Ideally there would be loos like the disabled ones for people with buggies or who need to accompany their dc.

Bloodymary · 16/09/2019 14:58

If I was in charge of a 3 year old boy; and for some reason he HAD to go into the gents toilets; I would be the one to take him in.

Lvsel · 16/09/2019 14:59

Yanbu she is an idiot.

HeadintheiClouds · 16/09/2019 15:03

She was nuts. I’d have judged you harshly for sending a three year old into the gents!

Daylily34 · 16/09/2019 15:04

You did the right thing - your son should be coming with you for years to come - I’m always grateful to have 2 boys so they can go together !

CoinOperatedBoy · 16/09/2019 15:06

I think there should be more childrens or "family toilets". I think to force 8 year old children into adult toilets full of strangers is unfair.

saffy1234 · 16/09/2019 15:08

No you are not!I take DS in with me and he is just 6...my DS who is 11 started going in alone at 7 but to this day I stand right outside the door.He is my son and his safety is paramount

BykerBykerOoh · 16/09/2019 15:08

I still reply “get a life” when people are this interfering and pointless. It’s worked since I first learned the phrase when I was about 14. Which definitely makes me a stupid old biddy.

DarlingNikita · 16/09/2019 15:16

OP does he look much older than 3?

The very first post says he doesn't.

Original poster
LulaLandry · 16/09/2019 15:18

He definitely doesn't look older than three. He's only 25th centile, skinny and not tall.

OP posts:
FindusCrispyPancakes · 16/09/2019 15:19

Three years old is a very small child, they won’t have been taking them themselves to the loo for very long anyway. I have a 3 and 2 year old, if my husband is out with my daughter (3) he takes her into the men’s, there’s no way I’d have my little girl take herself into a female public loo alone, never mind a little boy in the men’s! She can’t even get on the toilet without a step or help to use it anyway.

I think about up to age 8 is ok to be in the ladies. If it was a public loo (not in a restaurant etc) I think at that point i’d Probably make my son use the disabled for a couple of years until I’ll be letting them wonder off into the men’s alone.

BertrandRussell · 16/09/2019 15:19

No 3 year old looks 8.

kateandme · 16/09/2019 15:22

gods sake i can remember going into the mens with my dad at the pool when i was little.
of course your not wrong her.
people are putting dirty things onto these poor young beings.hes a lad innocently going to the loo with his mum.

Hecateh · 16/09/2019 15:27

Way back in the early 90's in Paris a man walked into the ladies to bring his girl child to the loo. Nobody batted an eye. Ladies toilets everything happens in cubicles, not seen as an issue.

And I'd much rather that than have him take her into the mens where urinals are in use.

The woman is crackers.